Fortunately, I have a very busy schedule so it nice not to have the parental responsibility.
So things are changing in my situation.
Ex is clearly depressed, stating to the kids he has moments of wanting to kill himself.
He is aware that I know he has said this.
We had our longest conversation in 3 years, approximatley 2.5 hours. He is clearly miserable, admits this as well as stating that he gets physically ill when he comes by the house because it reminds him of what he has lost.
No apologies, expressions of wanting to come back, remorse, etc.. though.
I feel though (call it intuition) that things are majorly changing.
I don't necessary know if that is good or bad.
I am staying very busy, taking more hours at work.
Joined a bible study.
Not thinking about my future with ex in it anymore.
Making plans that just include me and the kids.
Ex has threatened to take me back to court because he is not making the kind of money he use to and he feels the child support and maintenence should be reduced.
No sign that he has done this - thank god.
Overall, I feel I am in a good place. I think I see things more logically than before. I am trying to look more toward my future than toward my past.
Life does not have to be all about drama.
It does not have to be about an adulterous ex husband unless I focus on the adulterous ex husband.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
He first called on the home phone, and I was sleeping so he called on the cell.
He called and said that my 4 year old was sad and missing me, so he put her on to talk.
After the conversation with my daughter, I texted him and thanked him for caring about how she felt.
It was rather nice.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
That was right and good of you T to thank him. It is what you would do with a friend --
The drama - you stated it earlier. We dont have to live it you are right. Glad that you are moving forward and taking care of you and the kids. That is such a great thing to do for you.
You are right on. A new Bible study, making friends, making plans... you are right about blessing -- following what we know brings life and not death (Deut. 30) it was in my devotions last night.
choose life.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
trusting good for you...and thanks for keeing your thread....it some hw is really helpful to see hoe others get through this...you bomb and time line are close to mine, however you d was earlier...mine final in oct 08 but losts of mess us with the finances and we are hoping to finsh that u today otherwise court n tuesday....but my main thing i notice is my x seems miserable when i see him he looks bad...say him at sons game last night just not the same man cheers some, but nothing like he used too....and to me looks so different...its weird but i used to think he was the most handsome man in the world and now I see him different...hes aged , gained alot of weight...however we dont talk..everytime it has been spew so last time was in Jan and I told him I was srry he felt that way but I had to go...I did add it was Satan loving all this spewing so he took off on that comment and I hung up....anyway just interesting...my son says he is very moody...up then down....so its just weird u know they think they want this divorce, they get it and sure arent happy...i wonder with your h...should you say...are you happier now that we arent together...well i guess thats not DB though? h well keep posting and moving forward...I belive we need to stay eternity minded anyway there is much going on in the world and I want to think oif the big picture and really prepare and be ther efor the kids
I would love to ask him those types of questions. It would not get me anywhere though! Denial Denial Denial is all I would get. He is not there yet. He may never be.
I am bound and determined though to make something wonderful out of this mess, no matter what.
If it means a new and improved me, than great.
Even if he does not come back..
I will have gained something.
I know my relationship with God is much stronger...
that alone is huge.
I refuse to be a victim...
especially his victim.
No way.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Well, daughter decided she did not want to spend the rest of her weekend with ex. She came home this afternoon.
So I guess I won't have my weekend free. That's ok.
Not much food at ex's.
She is tired of his whining and complaining.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I can sense anger in your posts, although you post in such a minimal way its hard to tell.. but still, it comes across. Are you having some anger at him for moaning and being so 'poor me' after the choices he made and what he has done to his family? Is there a reason you could contact him? He reached out to you with the phonecall and then with putting your D on the line the other day.. is there some way you could help to take some bricks out of that wall between you? Breton and I posted to you before about this, trying to open up a friendship (of sorts) just a softening, as Breton put it. Unless you are 'done', then by all means continue to be like Siberia!
Al
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I understand what you are saying Ali, but you have to realize this:
I vent on these boards. What I portray to ex is quite the opposite.
I thanked him for calling and putting daughter on the phone.
I also texted him the morning after, thanking him again.
If I did not vent my feelings, I would die. This I believe is one of the reasons this board was designed.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
