I spoke with my lawyer and he thinks that what is in the spoken transcript means we agreed to pay for extracurricular things as they were at the time of the divorce settlement. Any increases, like D6's violin lesson going up $100 a month, are not part of the deal. Likewise, any new expenses or activities have to be agreed upon by both of us - I am not an open ended funder of anything the X wants for the kids. He also said that if there is an activity that I dont agree to the kids doing, I dont have to pay for it. He is going to talk with X's lawyers about ammending the divorce judgment to have the right language regarding extracurricular expenses.
So I am looking to cut some more costs and may see if my father and mother might want to take care of the kids occasionally so as to save on friday daycare. My father is taking care of them this Friday and we will see how that goes. I also will probably not continue my golf lesson to help cut costs.
Last weekend, my daughter was practicing her violin at my house and got frustrated and said she hates playing it. I tried to encourage her to stop practicing when she gets frustrated and try again later. I get the feeling that she does not have the passion towards this instrument as S8 does towards his piano. I refuse to push her on it and actually think it is good for kids to fail at something every once in a while just as it is for them to see adults fail at something. I only ask them if they want to practice when they are with me, and if they dont want to, I drop it.
My lawyer said that he had noticed when his kids were young like mine, and taking violin lessons, that there was an unusually high percentage of asian kids in the classes and he thought it was because the parents wanted that. He also noticed, as his kids got into jr high, that most of the asian kids had dropped out of playing violin. I suspect that when you push a kid to do something you want, you get the opposite effect.
I put together a nifty little chore card system for the kids and they seem excited. Pink for D6, Blue for S8 and purple for rotating chores. That hopefully should cut down on all the coaching I am having to do so as to get them to remember to make their bed, put their toys and books away, and fold their laundry. I have some fun rotating ones like water the garden, open/close curtains and control the thermostat. In a few years, maybe I can get "replace roof", "paint house" and "mow lawn" cards in the mix
Only S8 takes Chinese. We have him learning it because we think it is a very important language for his future bilingual opportunities with China (business, government or spying for the CIA). The school teaches traditional mandarin and is mostly Taiwan teachers.
I think the kids somewhat understand their mom when she speaks Thai, but it I think she only speaks it when she is mad at them. They never speak back in Thai. Did you not ever speak Chinese to your daughters as they were growing up?
I am the one that does the girl scouts and cub scouts with both kids and will continue to do it unless they dont enjoy it.
Good going on the chores Kerry. Single dads need some help. I had tried this earlier with a simple list one for each kid on a plain 8.5x11 paper. S8 was enthusiastic for a few days but D12 does not look at at. I think my kids can help me more as some days I have no time or energy left. I'll try the pink/blue/purple thing. Do you use index cards? And do you reward/pay them for this? (I don't believe in paying for chores, I think they need to help because they want to).
I tend to agree with you on the violin lessons. We were sending both kids to piano and they hated the teacher and the practice and it was quite expensive. So that was one of my first budget cuts. They now play the piano when the spirit moves them.
I dont intend to reward them for chores. In a few years, they can have an allowance, but for now they dont need any pocket money. For now, I am kind of taking the Tom Sawyer white wash fence approach - make it seem like doing chores is a fun thing to do.
My plan was to do a calendar of chore schedules, but the cards are much more flexible and can be changed with ease as situations arise.
I printed the cards out on some heavy paper as I did not have index cards at the time. I also printed out the card holders.
BTW fb2, since you dont have a thread, I am curious if you are still in limbo regarding your marriage?
Ha...you can always teach an old dog new tricks. I'm heading to Staples to make one up. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Single moms need all the help they can get too. Especially ones that are away working most of the day and the few hours left to be spend with the kids should be peaceful. I am looking at a few things also, the C suggested we make a list of things to do every day, things that THE KIDS write up and give them stars when the chores are accomplished. The trick is to have them set the rules and have them set the "punishment". Still havent had time to complete the list with them... K
Kerry, I've maintained some hope and detatchment while grappling with the tough issues - this may be along the lines 'coach' adopted. I gave up on the thread long ago, since it was of little help to me and I'm not much inspired by most of the sickness I see on this board, except to be with some old friends here like you, K, Lan, BBJ, John, FG, ... Time, space and circumstance hasn't changed the W much so I'm just letting the legal process take its course - when there's kids and property it can take time. I recently found out that STBx has been having an on-going PA (legally I can't even call it that, but morally it is), found out she took the kids on a cruise to Mexico with OM last summer and had them lie to me that they went to DisneyLand - I'm grappling with this too.
