Unfortunately, you are right on saying that it doesn't happen often. It hurts me that so many suffer because of what others do to them. All we can do is pick ourselves up and make the best of a bad situation.
They won't admit the truth because they are ashamed of what they have done. Remember, the excuses don't make much sense because they are CRAZY MLCers!!!!!!
AMEN!!! I'm not the crazy one....woohoo!!! I was worried for a while....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I always read your thread because it is really helpful and inspiring to read about a successfully reconciled marriage.
My h was quiet for almost 18 months, unable to talk because of guilt and shame. I pressured for the first 6 months before I discovered DBing then I backed off compleately. Finally, 2 weeks ago he talked to me and he admitted to me that he missed me and didn't want to lose me from his life and we both agreed to be friends.
I don't know what I expected after that - fireworks perhaps and that he would run back and say that he had made a huge mistake... of course that didn't happen so it is back to patience
I just wondered if you had that crossover with your h where he released his guilt and if you had any advice about how you handled that?
jcj I did the same thing, I JUST stopped pressuring my xh. I am about 6 and a half months into this. Yes he divorced me, it all happened in about 2 and a half months. Was your H quiet after you pressured him for 6 months or before? Did it take him 18 months to talk to you again? My xh told my son the other day that he was taking a break from me, and he would talk to me when the time was right. That, to me, sounds like he is messed up.
Thanks Yellowrose, I really really needed to hear that. Usually I am so patient, it is just the first positive thing that has happened, it is hard to not want more right away, right now
SL - my h was resisting me big time in the first 6 months. I was doing everything wrong but he didn't know how to tell me to stop, didn't want to hurt me so just used to be silent/ not turn up to arranged dates etc. Finally he said 'stop' and luckily I found DBing. I then let him contact me, which he did roughly every week to couple of weeks by text or email or occasional meeting about finance stuff and our house. I also have been working on reducing guilt and finally nearly 10 months later we have come to a point where he could express that he missed me as a friend, wanted to meet up, enjoyed it when we did meet up and thought about me (the biggest thing for me as I was convinced he didn't think about me). We have not had a r talk since last May, the point I think is that if I had forced this before I would have got a different reaction. It had to be when he was ready, no matter how frustrating! Patience, patience and it seems more patience sigh! Sorry for the hijack YR!
You are right...in the beginning all I did was cry and beg and plead for him to stay...I am almost 2 years into this and of course there's no change, nor do I see him ever changing...but I am better...really...and no you can't believe they would do this to you that's why the begging and pleading...I don't do this anymore...no I love you's, nothing...
I have to tell you though that today I was running around like a crazy woman trying to get my D16 ready for Florida...she leaves today....my phone rang..without knowing who it was I answered..it was H....he had just gotten done at the doctor and wanted to ask me something about getting his prescription filled, so being his mother still, I told him what to do...then he asked about son at D22's and if he went to college today (I'll tell you in a minute)...we both chuckled a little then he started to tell me about his ankle....I'm tired of hearing about his ankle but I let him talk...then he asked when D16 was leaving, I said, today....He said I didn't know that..Well, if he would ask I would tell him....that was the end of the conversation...he doesnt talk to me much at all and then when he needs help with stuff, he calls me....he could figure it out himself..
so yesterday i had to go get an I.D. for D16 for Florida cause she needed something and doesn't have her license yet....they forgot to give me MY license back...augghhhh.....My son called me in the meantime and told me he had to attend D22 class at college cause her fiance was somewhere where you had to be 18....S11 is so funny...he absorbs everything....he said, mom guess what....I had to go to college with D22 today...I said, was it fun..He said, no it was boring...LOL...it was a 3 hour class...he said he played games on D22's phone and all they talked about in class was Diarhea & Constipation...LOL...he will tell me all when he gets home...
So, tonight I start my 2 days by myself...dinner tonight,, tomorrow I am getting a pedicure with my friend then dinner...it's all about me tomorrow....I'm excited....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
We are living in a real nightmare when we have to deal with this!