Stage 5, Acceptance, III, well, uh...

[still hopeful]

FIB,

I just read this entire thread and I am honored to know you in the way that I do. You are honorable, strong, righteous and loving. Your steadfastness in the face of the horrible storm you endure is inspirational. Stay strong, pray long and specific, hold yourself together and focus on your children. You amaze me. Thank you.

[dl443322]

Hey FIB, how are you doing? Just stopping by to say hi!

[faithisbelieving]

SH....thank you for your kind thoughts and support. I tried....for so long to save this. Although I am not super religious, I am spiritual inside. I prayed and tried for nearly 2 years to save my M. Alas, I am more a realist than a religious stander. I was the filer. I lost a lot of 'standers' here afterwards.

Update

Nothing.

We have no conversation. Talk is at a minimal and for necessities only. New VS panties show up in the hamper....teeth whitening strips popping up....texts on our phone bill are up in the hundreds per month from her....she has moved on. I am nonexistent. It's coming time that I stop posting this crap.

My dog, a rescued grey...has been showing increased weakness in his back legs. He's lost 16lbs. I received a panic call from the kids the other day. I brought him in and he has 'canine degenerative myelopathy', or, sorta, a type of multiple sclerosis for dogs. He will have progressive loss of use of his rear legs, eventually requiring euthanasia. He is 12 1/2.

My W, who has spurned the poor pooch and left him out in inclement weather, is now 'so concerned'...texted me on how he is. I can't even talk to her. At the crack of dawn, she awoke to ask how he was.

Me: I left you something to read about him.

That's all I could muster. I had xeroxed a short page or so on his illness. I also did something I regret (minor). Ten years ago when XXX and I moved into our new house and we rescued Sammy, I took some pictures of her hugging him and sent them to the owner of a famous dog who sired Sammy. She has posted the pix on her website....still there after 10 years. I had forgotten about them and when I went back to her website to update her, saw them.

I printed the page out and wrote the following:

This is from 1998. Please discard when finished. Please encourage the kids to walk Sammy everyday. It may slow down the progression of his disease. He's lost 16 pounds...please make sure he gets fed in the morning.

The pix show a happy XXX...hugging Sammy (who she maligned and mistreated throughout)...and smiling with him on the steps of her newly constructed house. I didn't do this for ME...per se..but to hopefully make her more concerned for the well-being of the dog..that she DID hug him once.

Halfway to work, I almost turned the car around to tear up the paper. I would have..if I wasn't pressed for time.

FIB

[Jerri]

I'm sorry. About your dog - if you google degenerative myelopathy German Shepherd Dogs should get you to an article written by RM Clemmons - should give you some good info on helping your dog. One of my dogs has something similar - diagnosed last September - he's doing ok on dexamethasone daily.

[naej]

Hi FIB, so sorry to hear about your dog, is she a greyhound?
My dog was diagnosed with a tumour nearly a year ago now, causing nerve damage and lameness but we are still plodding on.
Other than walking he is doing well,still enjoys his life albeit at a much slower pace.
He was my rock when my world turned upside down and I love him to bits so I know how you must be feeling.
I continue to walk him on a daily basic, its a very slow process and requires a pocketful of titbits but I think it does him the world of good.
Take care.

[poohbear]

Why would you tell her to discard the page?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Poohbear!!!

: ) Survivor! How is piercing?

Frank,

What are you doing with your anger? What's your release?

[faithisbelieving]

Thanks Jerri. They are starting the pooch on Rimadyl which helps with arthritis but not the degenerative aspect. I've read that German Shepherds are slightly prone to the illness. I'll look up your citation...thanks.

STBXW is talking.....?nicely? to me today...civil? Not sure what the right word is.

It's throwing me off.

FIB

[faithisbelieving]

Anger?

Hmmm...I don't think it's anger Jack...I think it's ? self-defense? self-protection? avoidance?

Or maybe just pre-reacting to what I expect will happen anyway???

Not sure.

I'm definitely stagnant or 'stuck'...in something....I can't put my finger on it(duh). Funny thing...I am involved. Tomorrow is opening day and I am asst. coaching my son's team..then..in the afternoon...coaching my D5 outdoors for lacrosse.

Even tho' my house will probably have to be sold, I am working outdoors to clean up.

There is no doubt in my mind that XXX has far outpaced me in moving on.

FIB

PS...poohbear...why did I tell her to throw it out? Hmmm...good question. Perhaps...I was expecting her to dump it on my 'pile' of papers and simply didn't want it to be tossed there as a 'I don't care about you' paper dump maneuver. It was a pre-emptive 'just toss it' I guess.

PSS...it DOES seem that some of the anger has abated and I think that this comes with her realization that she is not going to lose her kids...OR...there is OM4 in the wings waiting for this to be done..or..she is just tired of being angry. Not sure. Only as of two weeks ago, she pulled my wet laundry out of the washer and dumped it into a basket...wouldn't even put it in the dryer. Last Friday..she took D5 to the doc and didn't even tell me that she took her OR that she was prescribed an antibiotic for her ear.

Angry? Nah.

FIB

[poohbear]

Jack...

uh...I don't have any piercings...but thanks for asking.

Piecing on the other hand...life is normal. We're going on a little vacation together next week. I really can't complain. Besides, if I did, no one would listen.

FIB...

Call me crazy, but I think you're redirecting your anger.