IMHO, your H still needs you for the important things. He didn't go to the OW for the answer. My H would call and ask me stupid questions, he knew the answer to. He still needed me....
I knew your S would have alot of fun with your D. I bet he will have interesting stories to tell you when he gets back.
Anyway I am glad that you are getting to do something for yourself!!! Enjoy!!!!
Thanks Yellowrose, I really really needed to hear that. Usually I am so patient, it is just the first positive thing that has happened, it is hard to not want more right away, right now
SL - my h was resisting me big time in the first 6 months. I was doing everything wrong but he didn't know how to tell me to stop, didn't want to hurt me so just used to be silent/ not turn up to arranged dates etc. Finally he said 'stop' and luckily I found DBing. I then let him contact me, which he did roughly every week to couple of weeks by text or email or occasional meeting about finance stuff and our house. I also have been working on reducing guilt and finally nearly 10 months later we have come to a point where he could express that he missed me as a friend, wanted to meet up, enjoyed it when we did meet up and thought about me (the biggest thing for me as I was convinced he didn't think about me). We have not had a r talk since last May, the point I think is that if I had forced this before I would have got a different reaction. It had to be when he was ready, no matter how frustrating! Patience, patience and it seems more patience sigh! Sorry for the hijack YR!
JCJ, my xh doesnt even want to contact me in ANY way. He has a live-in girlfriend and he once said they would be married by the end of the year. She isnt divorced yet, so I guess thats what they are waiting on. They started dating around Dec. and she evently started living there. She is 26, he is 41. Our son will be 19, so its a shame. She would only have been 6 years old, when we married. Sounds sick doesnt it? Up until she started staying permantly, he would talk to me, but I had to do the contacting. Since he left in Sept. I have done most of the calling. Around 3 weeks ago, I stopped and havent spoken to him since. However my son did speak with him in front of me and we past words back in forth thru son. Thats when xh said he was taking a break from me and would speak to me when time is right. (I hate putting son in middle, but xh wont listen). I know I should worry, and I am moving on with my life, but I am so afraid xh will never contact me again. When you stopped calling, how long did it take your husband to contact you? Did he live with ow?
I do so well for a while then I stumble and get so down....
H texted me yesterday to see if I was picking up son at D22's and I was..I already told him I was getting him on Thursday because he had a game last night...of course H said I did not tell him that...I just did on Sunday....aaguugghhh...he's crazy...I'm thinking I'm crazy. he said, I won't make it to his game I'm working..blah, blah, blah....I said, " can you by chance take S11 for me on Friday night"..."NO, I'm leaving on my vacation"...WTF?... I said, thanks for rubbing that in....he said I was just telling you I won't be home....I said, you know it hurts me that's why you do it....but it's okay...my rewards for all I do are the children...and I let it go....i did shed a few tears but only a few....my heart did drop at the thought of them getting to go camping for a week while I stay home with all the responsibilities....but it's okay...I'm with my Son and he is a joy to be around...
So, I went to the game....HE SHOWS UP....really made my stomach turn....walked right past me, didn't even look at me, and right to the dugout to see son, so son could see that he was there....the only reason he was, was because I probably made him feel bad..H stayed by the dugout the entire game...off to the side so he couldn't see me and I couldn't look at him...it was fine with me though...after the game I gathered son and left...
This morning I woke and I felt so sad....I started crying and couldnt stop....we used to do family vacations, now he going to do them on his own with OW....I cant get them out of my head, even though I know they don't deserve the space....Help me mom....did you ever feel this way? How can he be so happy with her...ML in the woods, that would be so wonderful... Ok, so I need to get that he's not in love with me anymore...I need to move on, but the thoughts of what we used to do keep sneaking in and screwing with my head....no wonder my head has been pounding....
Happy Easter MOM!!
Last edited by Treese; 04/10/0907:45 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
If I may jump in....... your thoughts and feelings are so very very normal.. I think we all go through it...the pain of what is lost...and to be honest, it is good that you are allowing the pain to happen. Go through it, for it is a very important part of healing.
One day (you can't even imagine that now..) the pain turns into something different... it turns into a memory, that you will think back upon with great fondness, and that will be when it has gotten to the place it should be...and yes sweety, it takes time, time, time, but you WILL get there.
Take care xxxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
You are right, you are letting them into your head. You di have the right attitude though. Let it go, think of something else or go do something to get your mind off those thoughts.
So what if he is going camping. Maybe they will get poison ivy or something like that. Maybe the OW will hate it and will stink the whole time! Just trying to make you laugh.
Noone but God knows if your H has moved on. I think he is still in the crazy mode.
YR...you did make me laugh...he does get poison ivy frequently...I hope he gets it you know where ...would itch like crazy...
I hope it rains like crazy....lol...and they have to come home cause they're drenched...
I know,,,,TIME & PATIENCE.....hate those words....
Love ya, mom
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Cinders....thanks....it helps when you all knock me up side the head to bring me back to earth....it's been 2 years and everything is still the same...no changes, except that he looks extremely satisfied with his new life..the one where he doesn't want to be married anymore...I just need to learn how to deal with it better...I will....eventually...LOL...
That word "patience"...never had any but I'm learning to....aauugghhhh.........and time flies.....
Oh well, my parents are coming for Easter dinner so that will be nice....
Happy Easter....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Maybe the OW will hate it and will stink the whole time! Just trying to make you laugh. 