It seems when you really need to do something you can!!! Shoot I even changed the heating element in the oven. I was hoping the whole stove wouldn't blow up, but it works still!!
I just wanted to come get some sympathy and vent...I guess it just helps to write it all out and get it out cause it eats you up inside...
Well, we are on day 10 of not hearing from H at all....no texts, nothing...I guess son did get a voicemail the other day but didn't call him...is he having that much fun on his vacation that he cant call his son...and he missed his baseball game...he never does that...I guess it was more important for him to be with his GF in the woods than spend time with his son...it just really blows my mind....I know I'm not getting any better and I do think about him wayyyy too much but I miss him....the spring time is when we would go buy flowers and spend time outside and go for ice cream...I did spend time with my son yesterday, taught him how to cut the grass...I bought flowers on my own, planted spring bulbs, cleaned up the yard....I'm just so exhausted...I know I can do it and I have no choice but why does he get to go on a 10 day vacation and I get to do nothing...he has to be hiding money somewhere....He gets to go and relax, has not responsibilities, NOTHING!! YES, I admit it, I'm angry, borderline psycho....LOL....but I can't help it...I'm trying not to play the victim but how can you not...we are the ones who are getting the short end of the stick...when he left he told me not to tell the kids he was going on vacation with OW...that they didn't need to know...WTF? I told them, except for my son...who thinks his father does no wrong...
I've been having dreams about him these past 3 nights, disturbing ones....first he went to jail, can't remember what for, then he kept telling me he was in love with OW...I remember her coming where I was and I was calling the police to escort her out...then last night I had a dream he had a newborn...another kid....and the other one I just found out about...so he had 2 kids that were 4 months apart...it was strange cause his kid is almost 10...
I've cried today, cause I guess I really wanted to just see him...I can't explain why..even though I plan on not speaking to him...only communicating through text if he decides to let me know that he is alive and happy and all that crap....I put on a good front in front of the kids for the most part..D16 even told me last night that I was doing great without him...guess my PMA for the most part is at least working with them...
I'm trying to also plan a wedding, and all that goes with that...it's overwhelming at times...
I'm trying to be there for my kids and I guess I've forgotten to take care of me....I plan on calling my attorney this week to get some much needed advice....my H is walking all over me, it's time for a 180....who knows he may be planning something also...
So, I had to come vent....i needed to, sorry for feeling sorry for myself....thanks for listening....
I hope all is well with your family...how is your dad?
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Girl!!!!!! Stop it. You know that your H is going through all the MLC stuff. You don't want him right now like he is. Who knows if he is enjoying his vacation or not. Get him out of your head!!!!
My H out go for 7 or 8 weeks before he would even contact us. Then when he did it was my S he talked to, not me. That is how they do. They think of nothing else but themselves. They are so selfish. I know how it gets lonesome for them but they are a mess right now and you would be miserable.
I remember on time the OW called my house and my H was on another line and the ow told me that my H loved her and for me to move on that he was never coming home again. I didn't know he was on the other line and she asked him if he loved her and he said yes! Talk about a stab in the heart. So you see things change with MLC. It might take longer for some, just hang in there and worry about Treese and your babies. Don't give him or the OW space in your head, they don't deserve it!!!
Treese please dont be like me. I sometimes obsess about my xh. I am already divorced but its still the same to me. He did it so fast, sometimes I actually still feel married. I am going on 7 months of thinking and praying daily for him. Thats all we can do. You are still married and we are already divorced but our situations are similiar. My xh puts his new gf in frot of us all the time. Dont be like me and ruin the communication between you two. I lost the trust with my xh. He was answering my calls, but about a month ago, he stopped doing that and I stopped calling. I am hoping one day we can be friends again. He does however still contact his son and they are going fishing next week. My son TOO sees NO WRONG in his dad. His dad has always been is HERO. My son is 18. I think he just hides his true feelings inside. He knows what his dad did, but everything revolves around his dad, everybody's job is too do whatever dad wants and see that dad is happy. I dont understand my son sometimes but I just let him be, if we try to explain, they will just end up mad at us. I dont know about you, but I honestly couldnt handle that right now. I have lost too much already. Sorry the reply is so long, but I just want you to know you are not alone. BELIEVE ME, go read my thread, I struggle EVERYDAY, but honestly it is getting soo much better. I still wonder and think alot about him and ow, and I am working on that too. Please try not to think about how much fun he is having, because really we think we know them, but we dont, they are not the same people we had in our lives. Honestly would we want to be in their position? It took me a long time to actually see that in NO WAY do I want to be him. Like YR said, we dont want them back right now....no way we could live with them. I will tell you something that has helped me lately and it may work for you. I thought it would NEVER work for me. but when I start to think about my xh, I think, what would I be doing right now if my xh had passed away. I know this sounds horrible, but in a way, its like he has. I think to myself, I would have to suck it up and go on. So it does help. Try it. I am probably in no condition to give advice but I know how you feel.
YR, do you think because I am divorced my situation is different from Treese. I dont feel like it is. Divorce is just paperwork to me. I think our h's our in the same place. Mine just took a bigger leap than hers.
Treese, We all have been right where you are today....none of us asked for this mess. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get moving....pity parties are only allowed once a week. It's spring, it's time to do things in the yard, house and yes, even for yourself. Take some much needed time for you and get in the car and go for a drive, get your hair and nails done, or just relax at a local cafe and enjoy a cup of coffee or a latte.
You don't know if he actually went on vacation or not. He may be holed up in his closet sitting in the dark like a mushroom. If he's got money troubles, he's not going far. He wants all of you to think he's got this great life...but it's not great at all. How can it be?
You do not want the vacation he's having while in mlc....it's trip from hell and none of us want that one.
Don't give them head space...they aren't renting the space, so kick them out...think of other things, like your daughter's wedding, summer and what you can do for you and your children w/o your h's help.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Wow YR....If my H's OW called my house I would flip out on her...she is trash to me...but that comment would do me in...that was awful...you are so strong...I wish I could be like you and snodderly...you have it all together...that's why I come here to talk to you....
Thanks for picking me up off the floor, AGAIN!!!
Love you my DB mom!!
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Sunshine....I definately need to catch up on your thread...
I do obsess sometimes...not as much as I used to...OMG...it used to be awful...I've had to take pictures down...I've painted almost every room a different color...now I'm working on what I want my yard to look like...my personality....he was so plain...I am full of color...bring it on....day lilies everywhere...love them..now that makes me smile...along with my son snuggling up next to me on the couch to watch TV....no one can take that away from me....I think I just got overwhelmed and it all came crashing down...I need to learn to breathe....DEEP!!!
Keep your head up also...it's only paper....it means nothing...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
OK...Snodderly....I officially kicked the trash out of my head...at least for now...I go back to work on Monday so I'll be better then...we have been on spring break...
My stubbed thumb is now infected...great...it looks like I will have to go to the doctor...
I am actually enjoying a cup of coffee right now...getting some laundry done and packing up for baseball tomorrow...double header...
Thanks for digging me out of my own hole again....
(((hugs)))
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, I'm not digging you out of your hole, I throwing you out. You spend entirely too much time fretting over what he's doing out in the wild. I do not think he's doing as much as you think he is. Why? No money, really no interest in much and his memory is mush...adds up to depression. They like to play pretend and that's when you and all of the left behind spouses begin to think they are having this great and wonderful life....truth be told....he's stuck somewhere in a dark place and can't get out.
The only way you'll get to where YR is and where many of us who have been at it a very long time is to find other things to keep your mind active and busy. You have to think of him as deceased and in time, you won't be bothered too much with thoughts of him.
Work in the yard, take care of the finger and enjoy life.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
