Letting the shoreline go

[mockers2]

Thanks Jackie -

I think it may be easier for me to see this with the kids than with my H b/c they are innocent and hurting. He is an adult and has hurt me terribly (Yes, I know, he's hurting too), and as our two and a half year old would say "He knows better" .

[imalright]

mockers,

all my worrying yesterday was for nothing. When will I ever learn? My h is fine, and is leaving today on his trip home. His cell phone wasn't working yesterday. I talked to him this morning and he said "I can't wait to see all of you."

See! Nothing to worry about. But what you were feeling is normal! It takes time to trust our H again! You'll be fine!

Deb

[Dagny]

Is he home? How are you doing? Have you come up for air yet?

Hope all is wonderful!

Jackie

[dotto]

Mockers,

Hope all is well.

In my thoughts and prayers.

(((((Mockers))))))

[mockers2]

Thank you imalright, Jackie and Dotto ~

Hope you are all doing well today. I am thinking of you and praying for you.

Brief update (got to do some work!!!!):

H is on his way home. SHould be home tonight! Yikes! Again, very very grateful, but bracing myself for him to come down from his high and fall back down to earth. Just hoping he will be happy enough with real life to stay.


Goals:

Personal goals:
8. No clinging - When H has time on his own, I put on a happy face, say,"Have a great time!" and go about my business. Pre-bomb, I felt sad sometimes when he would have time on his own b/c we had very little family time and NO couple time, so I missed him. This came across as me not wanting him to have time to himself/as me being jealous and selfish, etc.

9. Act as if I'm confident in my H's love for me - This one is harder. The first part, I think, is to act confident in myself. To act as if I can see why he would want to be married to me. The other part of this one, I think is to not act suspicious. If I'm confident that he loves me, I won't be worried about other women/girls and what might happen. This is tough, b/c of the A, but I'm trying really hard. Have to keep reminding myself, he's coming home. He is showing me that he wants to try, even though he hasn't said that yet. Not sure this is all of it. I feel these issues are linked, though. Tough to put my thoughts into writing.

12. Try to live everyday in faith and not live in fear -
I have several books I'm reading along these lines. Also, having some quiet time for prayer daily helps tremendously. I have found some great quotes and will post them when I get the chance. They are on fridge magnets, so I can read them all the time. I'll be running to the kitchen in tough moments!

13. Keep track of me - I will join the book group (Next meeting in November.) I will continue with the girls' night out group. I will add one other solo activity when $$ allows - ideas are yoga/aerobics/photography class.

R goals:
4. Balance of family, couple and individual time - This was a key factor in leading to the bomb. This will have to be determined based on our schedules and $$, but here is a rough idea: Date night for me and H every two to three weeks. Individual time once a week. Family time daily (at least meals together, with bigger activities on the other days.) And individual time for each child with both parents and also with each of us individually. We may be able to do this on a weekend day, if H and I aren't working the w/e, once a month. This sounds like baby steps which is all I think we'll be able to handle right now.

7. show him that I trust him - This is similar to #'s 8 and 9 above, but I can add no questioning when he goes out with work friends (which didn't happen very often pre-bomb.), acting confident when I'm around his work friends (this has gotten easier, but not sure how I'll do if I see the possible OP again. I've only had to act brave in front of the person I think may have been the OP once - and I was in the car with the children, H and girl were on bikes. They saw me and knew I had seen them. Just not sure how a face to face meeting would go. Gross!)

Thank you all again for posting. Hope you are doing well today. Any comments/opinions are welcome!

[water_runs_dry]

Hi Mockers~

I think your goals both personally and R are GREAT!!

Try to live everyday in faith and not live in fear -

This one really hit home for me. I think I will borrow it if you don't mind!

Have a great weekend
Blessings
Water

[mockers2]

Thanks Water! You have agreat weekend too!

[holdingon]

Try to live everyday in faith and not live in fear -
I have several books I'm reading along these lines

What books? Your goals are great. One thing I read yesterday was "your kids and your job are not your priority" and I think I made my kids my priority instead of my H...

[optimist]

I liked your goals. Good luck tonight, mockers. Remember to act 'as if'!

[mockers2]

Holdingon -
1.Just enough light for the step I'm on
2.the power of a praying parent (and wife)
3.Catholic Prayer Book
4.Novena for Families
5.Chicken Soup for the Mother and Daughter's soul (Helps me to try and stay focused on the present with my children. I feel I've missed out on some of the joy with them during these months just b/c I've been feeling so lousy. Makes me sad.) One of the mothers in this book wrote that she says these phrases over and over to herself - especially when things get tough -

I am blessed.
I am lucky.
Enjoy them.
They grow up too fast.

I have this on my fridge now. Need to get better at keeping this thought in the forefront.
6. I have another book, but can't remember the exact title - Something like A Benedictine Toolbox for Christian Families. It is good for ideas of how to apply Benedictine principles to your family, and is so uplifting. I felt so peaceful just reading it.
7. Dotto has forwarded me alot of uplifting emails which have helped. I'd be glad to share them w/you if you'd like.
8. Flylady website has quite a bit of info on living in faith, although it's not a religious group.
9. I've been listening to a CD of songs commonly sung in Catholic services - my favorite is "Shepherd Me Oh God" - I think by Marty Hagan? (Unsure of spelling??)
10. Safe in the Shepherd's Arms by Max Lucado
11. Stop by the chapel at work every chance I get to pray in peace and quiet.


Basically anything I can do to increase the reminders in my everyday life that Jesus is with me every step of the way helps. Making things more tangible (one of the reasons I really miss going to mass) helps me so much.


Hope you are doing well. Thinking of you and saying prayers. (((Holdingon))))