I can imagine how hard this is... but I wonder if you only talk in "I" sentences and don't venture over to "you" that maybe you can get through this. You can do it.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Thank you, Lee, Holdingon and Karen ~ I appreciate your input so much!
Lee, you are right. I just need to breathe and stay calm and be honest. Sounds simple enough, but it's so tough sometimes. Hope you are doing well and hanging in there. I'm thinking of you and pulling for you.
Holdingon - I did what you suggested and it semmed to work pretty well. Although, it was hard to work "you left for 8 months" into the conversation without saying "you." I ended up referring to it as "this past year"
Karen ~ Thank you for visiting me. It's amazing the number of people who are dealing with similar issues here. Hope you are doing well today.
Update: Well, H had been home for about 4 hrs, and we had the baby talk. It actually went very well. I brought up my concerns calmly, only cried a few tears once and got some really positive statements from him. H actually shared my concerns and agreed that they were valid. He said that overall he feels good about the direction our R is going and that I have done and am doing a great job as a mom, wife, daughter and at work. I couldn't believe it. He seems to feel that we addressed our issues in our previous R talks and that we are doing well developing new patterns of behavior in our communication. He feels we can talk about things as they come up and that we don't really need to sit down and hash through everything.
Positives: 1. Good R talk. 2. H and I are working on the finances together. 3. H opened my car door again today.
Thank you all for your support, encouragement and advice. This bb is truly one of God's blessings for me. Thinking of all of you and saying prayers.
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Here is something form Karen's thread that I thought was really good:
Quote: Every time you lose control to anger, fear, jealousy and rage, you allow those feelings to have power over you. When you allow yourself to feel those emotions, instead of just "acting out," you can start to recreate authentic power.
Creating Authentic Power
Step One: Whenever you are feeling a painful feeling, stop and become aware of what you are feeling.
Step Two: Remind yourself that the thoughts and feelings you're experiencing are coming from a part of you that's frightened by the thought that you're not good enough.
Step Three: Ask yourself: "Do I want my decisions to be made by a part of me that is frightened?"
Step Four: Ask yourself: "What would I do in this situation if I were compassionate and wise?"
There is learning potential in every decision you make, as well as consequences. You must accept the responsibility for every one of your decisions.
Thank you, PIB!
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
It's so great that you managed to have the "baby" conversation with your H!! I'm sure it is a load off your mind. The rest of that R talk sounded so positive!
I'm so happy things are going well for you and your family.
