Letting the shoreline go

[mockers2]

OK, I've posted twice and lost both of them - here we go again

Thank you Karen, Cathy, Jackie, Holdingon and Yanni. I really appreciate your posts. Even though things are going well right now, and I am not freaking out on a daily basis, I get so much from tihs bb. You guys keep me on track and focused.

Karen - H and I are waiting until February and will see how things are going then and make a decision.

Cathy - We are enjoying our two children so much, and I always thought we'd have more than two. Did you worry alot during your pregnancy with your son?

Jackie - Thank you as usual for your constant support here. Have a great time this weekend!

Holdingon - You're hilarious!

Yanni - Thank you for posting. I may have said this somewhere else (?maybe on your thread?) but it also may have been included in the posts that disappeared, so I'll say it again - I would have to agree with sage - I've seen no self-sabatoging on your thread - courage, patience, faithfulness, strength, a good sense of humor, but no self-sabatoging at all. Hang in there. I am pulling for you.

Positives:
1. H asked me to come home early yesterday.
2. H and I are working on $$ together.
3. H went with me to a doctor's appt. the other day. I was heading out the door and he said, "I want to go with you."


Thinking of all of you and keeping you in my prayers.

Part of my devotional from today (From "Forward Day by Day"):

We need to notice that the emphasis is onwhat we ourselves do and not on what others have done. For clearly it is up to us to make known here on earth what is lovely and good and gracious.

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

Hey!

I'm glad that quote from 'opera' helped!

Looks like you handled the baby talk well.

Great job!

Hugs.

[mockers2]

Good morning ~

Thanks PIB - the Opera quote really did help. It is so easy to let emotions govern my behavior. Thank you again for the post! Hope you are doing well today.

Update: We had a good weekend. Spent some time with my parents and then went to a birthday party with the children.

I did a couple of temperature checks, I think. One about the amount of time we spend with other people during our family time. H said he didn't feel like we were running away from just being together, which was good to hear, although I guess I really shouldn't ask him things like this???? It may make me seem insecure? Not really sure about this. And as I read this I think I'm not making much sense..

Positives:
1. H and I stayed up late at my folks house and watched TV together.
2. H held my hand alot this weekend.
3. H asked me to lunch today.



An exerpt from my devotional from today ~ (Forward Day by Day):

Before the kingdom comes there may be pain and struggle for us, but the writer asks us to remember that we have known blessing , and that what is blessed will endure.

Thank you for all your encouragement. Keeping you in my prayers ~

[Dagny]

M,

I have to admit, you have me confused on the temperture checks. Are you asking him questions or does he volunteer this stuff?

From the outside looking in, this all looks really positive. The baby talk seems to indicate that he is visioning a future as a family, a larger one! Though I completely understand your fears there, about not trying yet. Just enjoy your time right now.

Are you guys doing couple things together, without the kids? I think one of the biggest mistakes my H and I made was putting the kids completely first. Before us. Almost always. Have you had a date since he has been back?


Are you doing your missions from Flylady? Getting rid of the yucky underwear and buying only fun, frivilous stuff? Go shopping, if you haven't, and flirt with him tonight. Do some things to surprise him (and maybe you?)

Jackie

[mockers2]

Jackie - You sound full of energy today!!!!!

About the temperature checks - I asked him the questions. I guess it kind of feels like asking for reassurances. I don't want to come across - or be - insecure. Although it seems that in healthy R's the partners may ask each other things about the R from time to time.

What I'm seeing is that I'm a little concrete when it comes to how to handle things in our R. This is why I've said that it seemed somewhat easier in some ways right after the bomb - then it was more clear to me what I was absolutely not to do, and what was OK. Now things aren't so clear. Tip toe, tip toe, tip toe.........


It helps me to hear some of you say that you understand my hesitancy about another baby. I don't want to seem unloving or cold, and I don't think H sees me this way. I just don't want to bring a baby into an unstable home environment. I know there are no guarantees, but I just feel like a little more water under the bridge - or a little more solid ground between us first would be good.


I also look at our two children and think they are still so small. They are still babies. I don't wnat to rush them into being more grown up than they are. Our oldest already has times when she wants to be the baby (hold me in a blanket, feed me a bottle, etc.), which I'm sure is normal, but they are so close together that she really didn't have alot of time to be the only baby......Just alot to think about.

H and I really haven't gone out - just us two yet, since he's been home. We have had some in house dates - renting a movie, and I've come home early for lunch or a walk, but not an official-get-a-babysitter-and-go-out-date. You are right - this is one of the most important things and something we never did pre-bomb. He and I have talked about this and agree it's a priority. Funds are tight right now, so we are trying to do things together that aren't expensive. He will go out of town with me to a meeting for work in January, so that's something to look forward to. The girls' night out group I go to is also planning a dinner for just parents in January, so we have some dates planned. We need to be able to get away together on a regular basis, though. Thank you for reminding me about this - it is so important.

Thank you for the kick in the pants! I am only barely getting my bedtime and morning routines done . I just feel so tired. (Had my thyroid levels checked last week - maybe that is part of the problem???) I'll continue to try, though.

I have some new undies . I've also been thinking that it's time for me to think of some 180's to try and keep things interesting.

You sound great! Hope you had a good w/e! I was thinking of you guys! Email me if you have time and let me know which email I should use!

[Shay5]

Hi Mockers! You sound great- last I checked you were waiting for your H to return and he was stalling! I always thought your H was going through the same thing my is. You are really handling things well and shaking it up a bit is a wonderful addition- I saw some beautiful velvet lingerie at banana republic today- chek it out!! I am also impressed by how well you have taken care of your babies. When things fall apart in my life, it affects everything it seems. Have a great day and get that date scheduled!!
Shay

[mockers2]

I forgot to post something - H will be working in the area where the former OP used to work Wednesday night. I know things will probably be fine, and I don't even know if she will be working there that night or if she even still works there. This just makes me sick.......

[Dagny]

Don't think about it!

There, nice simple advice! Easier said than done, I know.

She's history, you are the one he comes home to and wants to have babies with.

I wish I was full of energy, I have not done an ouncse of work and the house is a wreck (and poor H cleaned while I was gone). My goal is to be flylady-organized before he comes back.

Can you kid swap with any of your friends so you can have a night out without paying for a sitter? You could go for an evening picnic somewhere.

Or do the kids go to bed early? Get them off to bed and do a candle lit dinner, like candles gone wild in the entire room, maybe some xmas lights, best dishes, some fancy food that is easy to cook and have your own romantic evening? With your new underwear on! Maybe some nice high heels! Create your own date in your home.

M, I understand the tip-toeing, the beginning was almost easier, no persuing, no phone calls, etc, but the rebuilding of trust and that feeling of us against the world is difficult, but I really think you are well on your way to having a better M than before.

Good luck.

Jackie

[mockers2]

Jackie - I think we cross posted!

I know, I know - I keep telling myself that he's living with me. That he wants another child with me, but my fearful side pops up and says, yes, but he hasn't seen her in a while......and on and on and on. You are right, though. Maybe if I pour some of this energy I'm spending worrying into the housework I would get somewhere....

I know what you mean about the house - I'm worried my H will think the progress I made was just a trick - that I'm really not different and that we'll always live in chaos!

The kid swapping idea is good - I'll have to think about that.

The kids go to bed around 8:30 or 9:00, so if we're both still awake we're doing good! But I like your idea about all the candles, nice dishes - although the idea of us eating dinner with me in my underwear kind of makes me laugh! H would probably like it, though.


Thank you for your reassurance about the tip toeing. On my good days, I feel like what you said is true, but sometimes it's tough not to think that this won't last.

[Dagny]

It was the sexy underwear under sexy clothing....but just underwear could work! I suspect that would be a 180?