just got the same advice from people today - go down the legal route or she will screw you out of a lot of money and you will be hating yourself for it later. on the otherhand, if we are trying to love them as a friend and unconditionally, the legal road doesnt seem right. guess i'll be the sucker that gets taken to the bank in hopes of showing her i care. its just hard to believe what different people they become.....if you love him, love him because you want to love him, not for any hope of response. it would be nice if we could see any math odds of how often people actaually get thier spouses back - on the other hand, even if its one in a million, were still going to try.
yes, we will keep trying........ i told him that I am under threat in a way; emotionally I am exposed. no matter what goes on in a marriage I consider it a sacred act and would have liked to have known what was going t happen, to enable room for discussion...... like you dondon I have worked extremely hard for the last five-six years; in all honesty i have believed it has been for the future of my family. I am not sure about your w but my h seems to have gotten over his love for me. It is so confusing........I guess the only hope we have is to detach with love and keep praying......praying fr forgiveness, for strength that everyday we can be better parents, better individuals......they loved us once very much, enough to want to be married to us...... Its hard to know, isn't it; in the whole realm of fate is this a necessary separation n the road to reconciliation or a necessary separation in terms of us finding a new life and new partner.
the last line is the big question, no one knows - i keep looking for someone to say theres a 2% chance or a 14% chance - but noone does, and the books say keep being optimistic and working to be a better person for yourself. maybe we are in love with people who do not actaually exist anymore - they are gone or never really were there.
Stick to the legal route. Your H has done nothing but drive over you emotionally and discredited you as a W and a mother. Now that you're showing some backbone, he's scared.
If he was that concerned about how things were turning out, he should have gone to counseling with you and stopped going out with the OW.
Another fear is that if you do things on your own, I fear he will take advantage of you further and give everything you own to the OW. Protect yourself dear.
Hang in there. My prayers go stronger for you every day.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
sorry about the delay in posting; I just wanted to say how much I appreciate all of your advice, and timee; it means a lot to me.
I have been struggling yesterday and starting to feel a loy of hurt and anger. It must be the impending court hearing tomorrow.
I am supposed to be talking with H today about the possibility of revoking the hearing tomorrow.
I have been so torn, feeling that this is not moral, to put either of us through this.
But last night I got an extremely cool letter from his solicitor. My H is playing tough with this, will see me in court with bells on and intends to fight.
My h has left me, quite simply, emotionally and physically devastated. The last few months have been a living hell. He is now looking less guilty and sheepish, especially around my mother, who is incidentally going back to Oz next Wednesday.
He is so cold and indifferent......no obvious hate or hurt just completely over me, he is in a new life with a new woman and he has left me behind picking p the pieces of my life and my heart with no concern or remorse. I truly do not know wht has happened to the man I married, he is gone, as has my marriage as I knew it.
And it is this very man, this stranger whom I feel has the capability of continuing to destroy my heart directly by coming back freely into the marital home knowing that he has left and is living with another woman. It is this as much as any isolated incidences that are the reason why I feel the safety order is warranted.
I have lost so much with this man, his family where I live (no form of contact from any of them whatsoever), my sense of my life and my stability, my trust not only in men but also in fairness and kindness towards others.
I feel at a loss to understand how a man who claims to love you then pulls everything away, so cruelly, with no looking back.
I am in grief and it is now in the angry stage..........i deserve so much more......yes i have made mistakes but i am a good person, a faithful person.
would love your ideas, especially about court tomorrow, at this moment i feel as if i should go ahead.......
i plan on never getting to the angry state, knowing what i put my wife through (lonliness, disappointment). all i can do is love her knowing its a one in a million chance of ever getting her back.
Dondon, of course there is a chance, whatever the percentage, if you want something bad enough to fight for it, there is a chance you will get it.
In court, which I think is the right thing for you to do, if he wants to leave the M, there is a process to go through, if he doesnt like it, he shouldnt have started seeing another W. Look great, fix your hair, wear water proof mascara, if you want to, wear your rings.
Have dignity. Most of all, keep your dignity. You can cry later, right now you have to maintain.
Be honest about your hope of reconciliation, dont hold back anything that is the truth, about his affair, or otherwise.
I wish that none of us had to go through this, but like you said before, whether this is just part of the trip back to M, or to moving on, you have to do it.
By the way, it may not be much comfort right now, but I read a quote on here once that said that the best revenge for a woman who is willing to have an affair with a married man is to let her have him! What kind of a woman is ok with seeing a M man? This isnt a good person, certainly not as good as you are. No matter how easy he thinks this will be, divorce is hard, emotionally, physically, its really tough, and I really dont think their R is going to have the foundation it needs to handle that.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
The one piece of advice that will serve you well is to have faith in yourself. You are right. You are a person of value and worth. It's your H who isn't. What he's doing right now is flat out evil and dishonest that he cannot be trusted.
So trust yourself and believe in you. You're doing the right thing for you and your D. Make sure you surround yourself with strong people. Is there a support group you can join to help you through this? Any women's support group can help you greatly.
As each day goes by, you grow stronger. Do not let the actions of your weak pathetic H dictate yours. Right now you're lead by the strength of your heart and your mind.
He's being lead by the strength of his dimunitive erection.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
did the mistake of discussing situation with wife at D handoff - she said she is over me, hates me for all ive done to her (disappointment, lonliness), would never see me again on this earth if it wasnt for D. I know micheles teachings are wise, and have even shown them to W to shed light on the problem. i just think that there comes a time, as it might be for innishannon, when you say - this is it, its over
