((((cagzmom))) Sorry you're feeling down. I was kind of feeling the same way last night. Significant dates/days are tough. Guess what? My court date for our hearing for the D is the DAY AFTER our 12th anniversary. Stuff like that sucks. Just remember, you will be happy again, I will be happy again, we will. And also remember that the men that seem so happy probably aren't.
Last edited by SoConfused; 04/06/0902:55 AM.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
First of all Cagz..... They ALL say they don't love us anymore.
Look in your heart and I bet you know deep down that he loved you and he still loves you. What does your heart say?
You have good intuition and a good sense of self... you know the answer to this.
Anniversary's are rough, but don't give them so much power over you.
God loves you so much, you will eventually see how very much.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
My heart goes out to you. I understand exactly how you feel... I have felt that way so many times. It is odd that I can look at your sitch and wonder why so much hinges on this one man for you, yet I can't see the same for myself. That was me that requested you on FB, by the way, so now I know how absolutely gorgeous you are! I just know that there are good things out there for you...you just have to believe!
4 OW's should tell you something.....
No, it shouldn't be this way, and yes, it sucks. I wonder all of the time why I just can't have my family. But, then I am reminded of all of the things I have been forced to do because of this situation, and I see how much I have grown. I doubt that you would want to go back to who you were...much like I wouldn't. Cagz, I would love for my XH to see that I am different and to see that things would work between us, as I am sure you would. But, sweetie, THEY are no different. So would it really work?
Hugs to you. I am so sorry that you are in pain. I hope for sunnier days ahead.
Trusting - my heart says he did - and says he doesn't now.. it also says he isn't even close to being the man i thought he was. (as you have said about ur x THOUGHT)
soconfused..thank you for the kind words.
I am at the point in my life, counseling etc that I am working on me - the things within me that are deeply rooted and it is harder to work on those then myself. I WONT run from it but it is hard...and believing and accepting God's love for ME has been #1 hardest --- as i said before long drawn out stuff...and I want healing so I can be healthy.
4 women- yes SHOULD tell a person something. How about this.. In the official 2 years since he has been gone.. 1 - long term (1 year) girlfriend 2 or 3 additional girlfriends 3 apartment moves 4 jobs 1 suicide attempt no real money lots of debt many many many lies..
----------------and I still feel like I lost out! Oy! if I were a friend of mine I would slap myself silly.
thank you for everythign
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
last night i was talking to s20. i said "u sick of me not being over it..." he said "sometimes" i said "do you think i should be...?" he said "yes and no... but love you though.." we laughed and then i asked... "do you think he will ever want to come home..." he said "no.. i am sorry mom, but no. i think he will look back and say..dang wish i wouldn't have done that...but i dont think he will ever want to come home.."
just leaves you to think.
my kids through this entire thing have been dead on about x. AND I AM NOT holding my breath and not living..though i am still consumed with wonderings about him so often. What is he doing? where is he at... is he dating not dating? all of that -- all teh while knowing he doesn't think of me at all.
then i go to the next level of thought and that is Gods love for me. if GOD loves me he wants teh BEST for me (just like me with my kids...) and if GOD wants teh best for me what am I doing for me to obtain or even SEE what is Gods best for me.
See -so often in this journey, and i believe through my marriage I always equated Gods best with X and that was it. there was no more for me. (and that was ENOUGH) but now X is not part of the equation it is JUST ABOUT ME. Jeez' i hope this is making sense.
This isn't about whether or not I believe God wants marriages restored - that is a no brainer - YES. BUT this is about CAGZMOM and about what God wants for me right now - today - what does he want me to focus on? Waht GOOD does He want for me?
By living in the "what is going on with x" mode it doesn't seem like I give Him (GOD the ultimate life fulfiller) much room to show me what HE WOULD like to show me...
just thinking .. i know rambling thoughts of a LBS ..
moving forward doesn't mean that you don't love or don't want that person in your life. To ME it means LIVING my life and living it NOT BASED on teh outcome of someone else.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Realized the strangest thing today while talking with C.
Some of the progression of growth - moving beyond your pain happens without you even meaning it to. You are no longer "Trying" to be different, or be strong, you have grown - you are changing and you didn't even mean to.
All of a sudden (yes all of a sudden) you realize you are taking steps for YOU. You start making descions for YOU and little by little what your x or WAS matters less and less.
I realized that I am moving ahead and i have healed. And I am changing. Not that WHO I am is different but more like I am becoming more whole. I watch my x--- and he isn't. He hasn't. AND I am probably the only one who really really knows he hasn't. He is 3 different people (i can literally see it).
On one hand he is the man I loved - the father to my kids. He shows himself as kind, gentle, loving and caring. Then he is the playboy...that is the one he shows the women.. this is the one I don't know. Not at all. Then there is the "friend". What he does to get friends is employ them. YEP he surrounds himself with people that he likes..but uses his power to give them a paycheck as his bait. AND IT WORKS. This is the party fun guy....the life of the party guy. I know this one all to well. But in that. He truly is 3 different people - he will be whomever he needs to be to fit hte situation.... to manipulate the situation.... and to be honest I dont think he even knows WHO he is. But see there is the twist.. I am beginning to know who I AM.... he is still at the same place he was over 2 years ago.
I asked my C today this question. And I hope it makes sense. We were talking about some things about x. How he kinda "bates" me to give him compliments and stuff - to be the one who brings him up when he is down...and how I don't go there anymore. (which is good for me.) Anyway - I asked him this... The more a detatch the less contact we have - the less "need' there is for me in his life. The less of a connection there is.... I asked him if even in that can a marriage be restored. He smiled (as he knows my heart) and said.... "yes".
I know the answer-- and it is all on my x. Not me anymore. I dont have anger or rage anymore. Sure I have jealousy -and many other feelings. If he ever pursued friendship with me i would pursue that with him... but he is far far away from that.
So I continue to build my own life. And for today I am ok with that.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
