Saving a Military Marriage.... 4

[SmileysPerson]

Hey Fit -- process servers have pretty crappy jobs. They know they're hated. But it's a job. Like being the tax man, I guess.

No one but you knows if you should see H in the event your dep starts after he rotates back.

One consideration -- going into the box, would you be better off mentally or worse off mentally having seen him? Your eyes are going to have to be on the prize once you put boots on ground, and your people are going to be depending on that.

[FitChik]

Thanks SMW. It was no surprise and actually quite comical. There is a perfect fit job for everyone out there :-)

Smileys - You gave me something I will need to think about. I haven't given it much thought yet. I honestly do not think he will even attempt to see me so I won't have to decide......

[FitChik]

Not much going on here....

I've had a very busy, tiring 2 weeks at work. I had a lot of great training but I'm pooped! I am taking the day off tomorrow :-) for some R&R and then I'm flying home to see my family. It will be great to see them.

I got very frustrated again with H but am getting very used to it at this point! He has completely avoided me since his absurd fabrication several weeks ago, never apologized, and when asked about it is just silent. I honestly don't expect an answer or apology from him - but his silent response certainly tells me a lot about his character and current state of well-being.

I am trying to remind myself I have no control over his actions or behaviors and should not expect anything from him. Its hard to accept he has no remorse in hurting me.... but that's how it is. Sigh....

The good part about my H being a grumpy, mean man is I am able to detach from him more :-)

[jaguilar]

You sound stronger.

[song]

Hey FitChik,

Just stopping by to let you know I'm thinking about you and still praying for you. Been a tough week for many of us, but it's great to see that you are keeping a PMA in spite of being served. I admire your ability to rise above it all.

[FitChik]

Thanks song. I am trying to. I'm waffling back & forth but trying to remain strong. I am home with my family now. I am glad to see them and be home. But it is hard not have my H here with me. I miss him a lot. It's frustrating still having tears over him and missing him.

[jaguilar]

Hey, how was the weekend? You still hanging out with family?

[JWM]

FitChik, just checking on you. I know it is tough but it will get better. Remember to stay in the present...it always works.

[FitChik]

Thanks for stopping by JWM! I hope you are doing well!

I am back from hanging out with my fam. It was a fun visit and great to see them again. I will not get to see them again before deploying.... so it was precious time spent.

I think being with my fam again for the first time since all this drama happened was difficult. It is hard seeing people you love when you feel like you've let them down. I know this has been hard on my family. And then I was triggered several times and missed my H. Uugggghhh... I am just glad these occasions are getting farther and farther apart.

My H and I have e-mailed a few times. H told me that reason me lied was to hurt me.... b/c I hurt him. He feels I have put him down through this whole sitch. He can be sensitive and doesn't handle criticism well sometimes. I know I can be blunt at times but do not feel I put him down. I try to be gentle and kind but I have lost my cool on more than one occasion through all of this. I certainly do not hurt him intentionally.... I am not one to retaliate so I do not understand why he would try to hurt me but I know it happens.

I am going to hire a L next week. I will be glad to have someone take care of the legalities and have that load off my back. I am praying for God to lead me to the right L for my sitch.... as it is definitely unique.

Otherwise I am focusing on getting in all the training I need before deploying and on the fun activities I have planned. I have less than 2 weeks before I climb Rainier and am getting very excited! I hope the weather cooperates and we are able to summit! Then in early June I am going to Vegas with my best friend who I have not seen in several years. We will be trouble :-).

[song]

{{{{{FitChik}}}}}