Well h did show and we went to the movies and for a bite to eat later. Then he left in a hurry and once again is mad at me.
Here's the kicker, asked to borrow $600 to pay his rent. Like you have got to be kidding me. I have already paid our mortgage, so first of all I don't have it. Not that I wouldn't want to help my h, but financially I can't. He did say he would pay me back. He is waiting on a check to come in. No doubt that he would pay me back, but I just can't help him. He left in a huff. Oh well, not my problem. It takes awhile for unemployment to kick in and I am not his bank.
He had NO business asking me. Once again I feel the burden of all the finances on my shoulder. He is the one that left a job, not me. How did he think he was going to pay for his living expenses? Like I am his back up plan? I help him where I can, but last month we were late for the first time on our mortgage and it's not going to happen again.
It does amaze me though. He would rather have his rent paid before our mortgage. He having a place to stay is more important than the place his kids our living. It floors me. The audacity of him asking. Like are you for real. Your a smart man h, figure out what you need to do without my help. You don't need me to support you. What you need is to support yourself. Your the MAN!
I am just in such a bad place. I don't want to get into a conversation with my h. Is it always going to be about money? What happened to you need to support your kids? How sad!
Last edited by glamgirl; 05/03/0903:11 AM.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Glam, I'm glad to see that you and the kids got out for a bit yesterday. I'm actually surprised that your h showed up, but then again, he needed something from you. I'm sorry that he even had the audacity to ask for a loan considering the fact that you are taking care of a home and kids right now pretty much on your own, But, that's the mind set of a "tweens" in crisis. He still looks to you to be his mother and take care of everything for him.
Glam, for what it's worth, I think you are on the right track. Your mortgage had to be paid, you have children to take care of and your check only goes so far. You just didn't have the funds to help him out. He's so clueless about finances right now. Money doesn't stretch but so far when there is only one salary being utilized. He'll either get over his hissy fit or he won't, but that's not your problem. Until he wakes up...yes, it will be about money....
Take care of yourself. You are the responsible adult in this situation for now. Do not ever second doubt yourself...it's not worth it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
That's right Snodderly he NEEDED something. It was the way he said it too. He came only for the movie and dinner and was planning on leaving right away.
He didn't ASK to borrow the money. Simply said Glam how much money can you pull out of the bank in one day (meaning from the ATM). I said none, since I don't have any. He then said I will need you to pull out $300 today and then another $300 tomorrow. I said H I don't have it. He said I just need that until my check comes in, I have to pay my rent and utilities. I just said I don't have it and walked into the house.
He helped the kids into the house and was saying goodbye to them. I had his jacket on since I was a little chilly. I said h here is your jacket. He said forget it and marched out and left his jacket. Once again stomp, stomp, stomp I am mad at you! Honestly, grow up!
He will just have to be a man and explain that his rent will be a few days late this month. What's the big deal? It happens all the time. What's the difference when I had to explain our mortgage was going to be a few days late? Did my h offer to help then? What a prick.
He could have not asked me for help and figured it out on his own or when I declined, he could have simply said Glam I understand, it's my issue not yours. I will figure it out. Instead let me throw a tantrum and show you that I can storm out and be mad. What else is new?
The more I am around him, the more I don't even like his character anymore. He used to be such a great guy. Now he is so self consumed. Me, me, me! As long as I get all my needs met first then we can think of you and the kids, but only then.
Why would I be attracted to him? What does he have to offer me?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Glam, Right now? He has nothing to offer you except a 2 yr old temper tantrum.
No matter what you do for him, it will not be enough right now because he's self-consumed and is in the "me" world. He looks to you to fix everything and that's why you have to take a huge step back and allow him to simmer in his own juices. He's got to grow up and what better way to do it but to allow him to make his mistakes and learn from them.
It's not the man that you aren't atracted to, but the behavior. Keep those two separated and you'll be okay.
Hugs to you today!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Snodderly for your awesome insight. Why does he look to me to fix everything? It seems he thinks I am the problem and he was always a man that fixed everyone's problems, even strangers and now he can't seem or won't fix even his own problems. I don't get that.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Glam, He's not grown up yet and he's still a tweens in the crisis. He's not mature enough to figure things out for himself, therefore, he's looking to you to help him. You are an authority figure in his eyes and he wants "mommy" to be there for him.
It's hard to understand unless you've watched others go through this. They all do it...look to us, the ones that they perceived as the problem, to actually help them. All you can do is step aside and allow them to make their own mistakes and learn from them.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It seems he thinks I am the problem and he was always a man that fixed everyone's problems, even strangers and now he can't seem or won't fix even his own problems.
Hey G, are you ok? G, please try and take the focus off your h. You are dealing with so much right now. Leave him to figure things out on his own. Not your problem. You need only worry about you and your children.
