Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Hello SO2, I've just left you a post on your thread.
My life carries on apace....new relationship is going slow but steadily upwards, W is going from bitter to downright rude, all expected.
All I feel now is a very deep sadness that this had to happen, it wasn't necessary or required to livce happily in my eyes. However, I am happy now, my boys are adjusting well and W is floudering. Ho hum.
I haven't spoked to MIL for 2 weeks now, I honestly don't think I can sit there and hear her tell me how bad I am and how wonderful W is depsite her illness. I just don't have it in me.
In a while, I will contact her again, if she wants to talk, then great, if not, then it will only add to my sadness about what has happened.
I think I will probably send her a heartfelt letter and card explaining things, then I wonder whether this will upset or anger her, I am really not sure what road to take.
Got a txt from W last night. MIL is failing fast but has reminded W that I was promised certain things from her house. She asked W to ensure that I got them when she was 'gone'.
I knew there was a nice woman underneath the bitterness. (MIL that is)
I have asked W to let me know best time to visit and to pass on my love to MIL in the meantime.
I could have ignored the text as W has with mine lately, but I am above that sort of behaviour and feel better for just being me and responding in a caring attitude.
You did great. You are above all the petty stuff. I agree with Pearl. Go visit her and you will have no regrets.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Well I guess that I made the right choice in staying away from W. Her lies have just come full circle and bit her in the ass....
Went out with my friend last night (he is W's cousin), he tells me that W had taken her new boyfriend to see her mum. No problem there, she is entitled to both boyfriend and taking him. Turns out however that 'new' guy is the original OM that W was texting whilst still living with me. This OM never left the scene, but was introduced to MIL as 'my new boyfriend'. Ok...move on 12 hours and I go visit MIL, never got text from W to say when, so just felt the need to visit. First thing MIL did was to apologise for being nasty with me last time. I graciously accepted the apology but felt the need to put her straight with OM. Explained that texting friend and 'new' friend were one and the same. She was slightly surprised. I told her that I didn't have a problem with it, but was deeply hurt by all the lies about things. Had more of a general chat and then left. Agreed to stay in touch. So far so good....
2 hours later get a txt from W...this is where the lies start to bite back and it's hurting..I will copy in the whole text for the purposes of clarity...
"just had a call from mum. I am glad you visited her BUT dont ever discuss us or burden her with your delusions again. The last thing she needs is you off loading, you have not changed! EVER THE VICTIM! its not about mum. I am trying very hard to make her remaining time as pleasant and fulfilling as possible - stop jeopardising this and making an idiot of yourself"
Nice text huh? As you will all know, I have always wanted MIL to be left out of things. I only made a point as I was accused of 'moving on' too quickly and wanted to explain reason why, hence mention of OM. So I replied...
"OK, first thing, i didn't play victim. I simply told the full story. It's a shame that you can't even be honest to your own mum! I was shouted at last time for having a new relationship. I explained to mum about that and she is glad. I told her today that CLive was the same person you were texting thats all. People deserve to know the truth. its up to them what they do with it. It appears that you want to carry on living a lie, fine, but no-one else wants to be there with you. I could have said a lot more this and last time, but didnt. Im afraid you cant pass your guilt onto me anymore, I dont care. I told mum that all I ever wanted is to be happy, and thats the truth as well. Im sorry you cant handle the truth. Have a nice day"
So I wasn't expecting or needing a reply to that, but got one..more of the same...
"Like I said, what matters at this time is my mum, everything else is irrelevant and frankly insignificant. However I will respond as I have stayed quiet 4 long enough. I have put up with you telling absurdlies about me- but mum ahouls not have 2- sodont preach to me bout the truth. For someone who only wants me 2 be happy- you have a strange way of showing it. I have nothing to be guilty about. Mum was off with you last time cos u hadnt been in touch nothing to do with ur new love. Listen i am truely pleased 4 u, I have alwas spoke well of you but enough is enough. If u had any thought you would realise that this is a difficult time and would not be so angry, accusatory, selfish and hurtful"
Bit of pot calling kettle black there. Worm has turned and it hurts. My last response was....
"If you want to say any more, we should meet and discuss it, not send pointless texts. Up to you. Enjoy your afternoon."
That's all I have said or want to say. I know what the truth is and happy in the knowledge that others do now as well. There is something seriously wrong in W's head if she doesn't accept reality.
I will continue to see MIL, I will discuss with her what I feel like and what she wants to hear, I will tell her. If others can't cope with that, that is their problem. As far as W goes, then if she wants to meet, fine. I doubt she will though as we both know who is right and discussions will only confirm that. Other than that, I am going to ignore her totally.
A bit of catching up to do. Sorry for the long break. You can catch up at my thread.
Sounds like you are up to a lot. My advice with sick family members is to do what you need to do for closure with them. Never mind what others think - it is about your R with that person that is the point. Your R with others can be different.
I will caution you that your W is angry about her mother's condition and needs someone to dish it out to - you can be that person or not - your choice. Just remember it isn't about you it is about her loss.
THanks for the input. I just needed to vent more than anything. I was rather disturbed that I could be the one being accused of not caring. I really don't want to be ANYTHING to W anymore. I can't bring myself to feel even the slightest bit sorry for her and her text saying that it's difficult for her just confirms she is still on planet self.
I am to remain on good terms with MIL until she dies. I need to do that for her and for me. I have to put up with listening how supportive W's new boyfriend has been and what lovely gifts he has brought. I don't knock, call or comment. I just nod and agree. That side of the conversation doesn't get mentioned. I know I am on the higher ground though and that is good enough for me.
I have already taken a step back. The nect REALLY difficult time will be the funeral.
Yep...they don't seem to like it when they are outed to the world. They want their dirty little secrets kept secret. She wanted MIL to think this guy was new and not the third wheel in your M.
Great words in the text.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
