Eclipse...

[Jeanette1120]

I am very sorry about the serving Jim....

She thinks she is giving you everything, and perhaps she is...but it's not the everything you wanted and for that I truly am sorry.

The legal process in most cases take a long time...or is it just mine? Anyway, I'm sure if you want to delay this there is a way and your attorney can assist you with that. But lets say you do get it delayed....what do hope to accomplish by that? It could just piss her off...

I tend to believe they will crash quicker when the reality is right there to set in, not waiting to happen.

Hey, how wonderful of your neighbor to mow your lawn for you!! Mine were not....my neighbor was kind enough to sleep with my exH.....LOL, count yourself lucky!

Muah!!

Jeanette

[Jimbo]

I am very sorry about the serving Jim....

She thinks she is giving you everything, and perhaps she is...but it's not the everything you wanted and for that I truly am sorry.

Thanks Jeanette.

The legal process in most cases take a long time...or is it just mine? Anyway, I'm sure if you want to delay this there is a way and your attorney can assist you with that. But lets say you do get it delayed....what do hope to accomplish by that? It could just piss her off...

I have to admit that since going to the attorney (on our anniversary no less! How's THAT for a kick in the teeth?) I have been vacillating on this point. She is so into the OM now that she and he have plans to get married once the D is final, unless something has changed in the past year, and I have not seen anything to lead me to believe that that has happened. How is delaying the inevitable going to change anything? I am really starting to come around to the possibility that she is just going to have to learn her lesson the hard way, and that all I can do is get out of the way, making it as easy as possible for her to get what she wants, leaving her with the seeds of happy memories of what we used to be that might blossom into her coming back if she chooses, when and if her new R/M implodes. (a.k.a.- give her enough rope to let her hang herself.)

I tend to believe they will crash quicker when the reality is right there to set in, not waiting to happen.

I agree with this also, especially if they are the sole instigators of all the D activity, and we merely roll with the changes and let them do what they are going to do anyway without trying to stand in the way. Guilt and regret will be the silent servants- once the euphoria of young love wears off, anyway, and they realize that they're STILL not any happier than before.

Hey, how wonderful of your neighbor to mow your lawn for you!! Mine were not....my neighbor was kind enough to sleep with my exH.....LOL, count yourself lucky!

Muah!!

Jeanette

Niiiice. Thanks for the visual that will pop into my head every time I mow the lawn now! LOL

[sofaraway]

Yes, I have told my lawyer that I want him to stall as long as possible, but how do you stall with someone that is giving you EVERYTHING?

Jimbo, do you honestly believe that her filing changes absolutely anything for you? It is just paper and not what this has been about for you so in all honesty it doesn't change anything. What is going to happen between you and your wife is going to happen whether you are divorced, separated, or living under the same roof separately.

You continue to work on yourself. You continue to live your life and become who you want to become. She may end up attracted to that again, or...she may not. At that point it is not supposed to matter because you are in a good place and comfortable whether she returns or not. Bottom line, this action changes nothing.

Delaying a divorce outright is not a good idea. You can take your time within the constraints of the law. You can counter propose if you want or need anything to read differently. That is about it. Stalling the divorce does not impact what you are dealing with. In fact I have seen it be a detriment to some who have tried this tactic.

I don't see how I can fight this.

What I would love to see is for you to stop "fighting this". Detachment in the truest sense of the word means that this is not something you need to fight. You simply let go and let things happen. Understand I am not in any way saying that it won't work out down the road, who knows what God has in store for you?

Jimbo, the fear and sense of loss that you are experiencing is perfectly normal. However you have to be strong enough to not allow it to consume you. You have to truly let go my friend before this thing eats you up and makes you forget who you really are. You have a good group of friends that can help you through this. Use them, now is the time. It is time for you to let go though bud, it is not healthy to allow it to be an anchor around your body.


Ian

[poet]

"What I would love to see is for you to stop "fighting this". Detachment in the truest sense of the word means that this is not something you need to fight. You simply let go and let things happen. Understand I am not in any way saying that it won't work out down the road, who knows what God has in store for you?

Jimbo, the fear and sense of loss that you are experiencing is perfectly normal. However you have to be strong enough to not allow it to consume you. You have to truly let go my friend before this thing eats you up and makes you forget who you really are. You have a good group of friends that can help you through this. Use them, now is the time. It is time for you to let go though bud, it is not healthy to allow it to be an anchor around your body."

AMEN!

IAN, you said this more beautifully than anyonce could have ever possibly considered. Jimbo, in terms of nature, you are a shimmering rose in the middle of a garden. Sensitive tho you may be, remember your inner strength, and follow it.

When I read your note yesterday, I could almost hear your sorrow. But, if you think deeply on this (and I know how capable you are to think deeply) you will recognize that if you can just push through that sorrow, you will find your peace. I know it.

poet

[peacetoday]

we had mediation on H birthday
peace

[fisherman]

Thinking about ya my friend.

Ring Ring.....hehehe.

[Jimbo]

Thanks to everybody for your posts and well-wishings. I haven't been on the board in a while because I have been away doing some deep processing, and (with apologies to all the MLCers out there who have been through the process) having a mini-MLC of my own. This has always been a place I felt I could come to as a sounding board, and for that, and the opportunity to get to know all of you, I am grateful.

Up to now, I've been GALing my butt off (as much as I can while my work isn't keeping me away from it). While I've been cultivating my friendships, and doing more and more stuff, I think I've gotten to the point where the GALing has wound up being an escape instead of a way to work on ME. I'm like my MLC W in that respect - I'm running around avoiding the issues, instead of looking at me.

It all started in a spare moment several days ago, when I was taking one of those silly quizzes they have on FaceBook - You know? The ones that tell you "How Will You Die?", or "What Famous Person Are You Most Like?". I came across one entitled, "What Do You Fear Most?". I took it and it came back with fear of failure. Somebody shared with me at one point or another that if someone says something to you that hurts, then there must be at least some truth to it. I felt a twinge. This stupid little test made me stop and think - and confront myself.

...and all the pieces fell into place. This is a bigger driving force for me than I had ever previously realized. This is why I felt embarrassment at going through a D. It struck at me from so many different levels that I can't share them all here. And it tied me to my past, and the attitudes behind why I do things the way I do them, why I act certain ways, and why everything has unfolded in my life the way that it has, from the very first interactions I ever had with my peers to now. I had never consciously addressed this angle of myself before, because I never consciously noticed it before. But I do now.

And I don't like this part of myself.

It dredges up past hurts and perceived inadequacies that go way back to my earliest childhood. All the way back to the foundations of who I am as a person. And it makes me realize some very uncomfortable truths. Like any other newbie, when I first came here, I was looking for the magic silver bullet that would "make my W come back". Then I slowly learned that that wasn't the point - the point was to work on me, and make me the best me I could be. Dear God in Heaven, I never ever considered in my wildest imaginings that that would involve a personality overhaul!

I don't know who I am anymore. But now I get the joy of discovering the real me. In a lot of ways, for the first time.

On a different note, I got home at my usual late hour two weeks ago to find my neighbor's front door open- the neighbor I've been meaning to ask about the lawn mowing.

Long story short- it's him. He just really enjoys yard work. Who'da thunk it?

[fisherman]

Jimbo as painful as it may seem, looking inward is good.

Fear of failure and being embarassed as far as the D goes?? Don't make me hunt you down dude. You have stood and you are still standing. You didn't run. You haven't quit.

Nuff said.....

[Mach1]

I don't know who I am anymore. But now I get the joy of discovering the real me. In a lot of ways, for the first time.

So.....you done yet ?

Cause I'm thinkin that Trapt really does need to come down here and put a hurtin on you....

Maybe like....

The 26th of June ?

[Jimbo]

Jimbo as painful as it may seem, looking inward is good.

Good or not is irrelevant, it's still necessary. After all, I'm gonna be with me the rest of my life!

Fear of failure and being embarassed as far as the D goes?? Don't make me hunt you down dude. You have stood and you are still standing. You didn't run. You haven't quit.

Nuff said.....

Whoa, cowboy! Drop the 2x4. Just meant that my recognizing where the fear of failure originally came from was the key that opened the floodgates for me to identify how all my processing about me and my life used to take place, and how it fed into my embarrassment (as well as feeding into how I used to view and live my life). I recognize now how I have outgrown those processes, and need to revamp how I make decisions about who I am and what I want out of life using a retooled ruleset, based on who I am NOW- not who I was 33 years ago.

I have stood.

I am still standing.

I didn't run.

I haven't quit.

AND I'M DAMN PROUD OF WHAT I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED FOR ME.

There's just more to do in a different way now.

"Nuff said....."