Expectations of what you think life should be when they return should be completely tossed out the window. Life as you knew it w/your spouse at home is going to very, very different for about 8-18 months. This is going to be the hardest thing you've ever done and your patience is going to wear thin, you will need to learn to bite your tongue and not go off on a tangent when they don't do or say what you think they should
The old Marriage is DEAD.
You can not keep living in the hopes that you are rekindling your love and will resume right where you left off.
It isn't that way at all.
This is a brand new relationship with some familiarity.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Actually the LBS makes more changes then the WAS, especially in MLC.
This is why we have to keep moving forward, working on ourselves, deal with our own issues, make changes and more then anything FORGIVENESS.
When the MLC'er comes home, they are different BUT they have NOT made the same changes the LBS has made.
I think that in some ways the MLC'er remains stagnant, and we have grown in leaps and bounds. Not all of them will catch up.
My relationship with my Husband is different then it was before. Some things are better, some are the same.
Some things are character flaws that will never change unless he works on his own issues, things that have always been there but were magnified in MLC.
I hate the fact that there are gaps.....
Things he still doesn't remember, things he doesn't want to remember.
But we are rebuilding, making new memories.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I know we are not supposed to analyze every little thing, but I do think a little self analysis is healthy.
I am still working on my own character flaws......I think it is a lifetime job!!
One of the bad things I have noticed about myself is the need for truth.
Ever since MLC I have absolutely no tolerance for lies, betrayal, gossip and basically all BS and drama.
I am not talking about my Marriage, I am talking more about my relationships with others.
I am finding it so hard to let things go, and not let them get to me.
I know all the pat answers, I know I should grow a thicker skin.
In the time that my Husband has been home, I have returned to the work force, only to end up quitting my jobs.
All for the same reason.
The backstabbing, the gossip, the drama.
Unfotunately I live in a small Town of 2500 people and everyone knows your business or rather assumes they know.
I wish I had the ability to go to work and just pretend the crap isn't happening. Just do my job, and ignore the BS.
I feel I have a need to defend myself, and stick up for myself.
Obviously this is not working for me.
The other part is my age. I have worked with people in their 20's who have different priorities in their lives and assume that because I am old, I am obviously the enemy.
I have heard the comments that I have no clue about life because I have a Husband who has a good job and I live in a big house. They honestly know nothing about what I have endured with the MLC stuff.
I have tried speaking to my Boss's but this got me nowhere. Their interest is in running a store and having people covering their shifts. They are not interested in a peaceful work environment.
It is too hard for me to sit back and allow myself to be trashed and be the scapegoat for these people.
So obviously this is my problem, my issues, and I don't seem to be able to change it.
So where does that leave me now?
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
BND, We are all working with the generations of X, Y and Z. Their priorities are very different from what we have on our plates. They are not interested in long term work, but more in the way of what can I get right now and then look for future work which offers more in the way of salaries, bonuses, benefits. The loyalty as we knew it for the work place has changed and will continue to change with the generations that are coming up behind us.
As for the comments about your home life and husband, let it go. They are envious of what you have. You owe them nothing, not even a second glance. Smile and walk away. They want you to comment because they want to know what is going on w/you and your business. This is how they get the information that "fills in the blanks" for them. Give them nothing more than a smile and the royal wave!
When you live in a small town, it happens. I know, I live in one. The less you say, the more you take your power back. Don't feed their curiosity.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It's never easy and you have to be the one to determine when it's your turn and to shine. No one else or your surroundings can do that for you....only you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Boy , can I empathize with what you're going through.
Only difference is, I'm divorced and can't afford to quit..and right now,at my age, there isn't lot offered in my small town.
I was put in the position of management...I say 'put' because it was managements idea..not mine. They wanted someone with 'years' on them and not one of the 'young' upstarts whose priorities are not what the company holds as assets.
I've had to fight the age barrier, the experience barrier, and definitely the backlash for being an 'outsider' coming into an area with no real experience as compared to the younger workers. When I changed positions, it was into an area that I had not previously been in, so I was totally inept as to what goes on there. The younger ones had started out in that area, so had more knowledge and experience, but didn't have the maturity that the company was looking for. Hope I explained that well enough.
Everyday I go to work, I have to bite my tongue at some of the antics, and just plain rudeness of some of the younger ones. Their thinking and judgements are totally different than someone my age. And they believe that they 'know it all', when they have NO idea about what life is REALLY about. They have very little in a clue as to what life can throw at you. They are still pretty well protected by their parents..and still feel invincible to outside forces.
BND, take back your power. I'm like you. I tend to demand 100% honesty, etc. I hate BS and disloyalty. But you know...we're going to find that out in the real world, whether we like it or not. Only thing we can do is be an example of good morals and priorities, and maybe some of them will rub off on the others. If not, we can still hold our head high and know that we don't need to defend ourselves..only try to be the best that we can.
We're not perfect either in this imperfect world.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
Whew! Here I thought my need for honesty and resentment for games/backstabbing was just another quirk left over from an era in my life I'd rather forget. I've done a lot of talking to myself, trying to ease my need, and get over the bs.
It's nice to see I'm not alone... and to find someone who understands, or at least has experienced the same feelings.
I too, live in a waaay small town, not even 500, where work is hard to find. I too, have had to work with the know it all, 19 - 21 year old crowd, have had to deal with the open comments coming from these youngsters, and have bit my tongue for well over a year. The 21 year old was just fired because he was found stealing money, he loved to play head games, he thought he was clever, however, I, with my "years" of experience saw through each one of his games.
Now there's a fresh faced 19 year old in his place, and wouldn't you know, his second week on the job, he called me slow, lazy, and an old "B".... he told me he's done more work in the 2 weeks he was on the job, than I've done in the nearly 2 years I've been there.....
Well, 2 weeks later, his friends are always in the store, he doesn't put his phone down, continually texting, and has been found rude by most of our regular cusomers... As for me, I told him that I will not put up with his behavior, and if he decides to be rude to me again, I would take it up with the manager. I'm not here for a popularity contest, and don't care if he likes me or not.... Am I crotchety? Certainly! Did he believe me? Nope, of course he thought I was just threatening him. The manager gave him a few words of advice, and now the youngster speaks to me with a bit more respect.
It's not easy, and yes, I out work this little bugger 3 or 4 fold, as also, time will prove once again, who will go the distance.
Is it frustrating? Of course, but there's more to my life than having to put up with some young kid who believes he knows it all.
I'm with Creed, who has the best advice, take your power back, focus on what you can change, be proud of who you are, and forget the rest of the bs.
Take care of you!
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
