It's Complicated! Part 6

[forward]

GG, Well, stompity stomp stomp for him.

H seemed to expect me to pay for things for his apartment. I mean, what do you do with THAT?

He is doing better now in that he is not blaming me--I don't think, anyway. Also fairly reliable with paying. Confided money problems to me once. So sad, too bad....

I think a lot of us on here wound up as the "mommy" or "daddy" with a rebel teen child. I babied H waaaaaaaaay too much. This puts us in a position to be rebelled against.

I have learned that that sort of relationship is very unhealthy and codependent. We cannot really restore things until we relate as adults. This is why we crash and burn, I think.

I had so much of hte responsibility that H never really had to grow up.

[kjensen]

Maybe we could look a this as the 'tough love' stage for us LBS. When our spouses 'act up' like rebellious teens, give them the love and logic, tough love stance. Let them learn from their mistakes and reap the good or bad consequences of their choices and actions. Life lessons.

[glamgirl]

Well D5 is still here. H's parents didn't take her on sat when they left, since she wanted to stay. H watched the kids on sunday and was here in the am to watch her today. Says he will be back am tomorrow and the rest of the week until his parents arrive again.

He has been rather chatty, but I am cautious. Trying not to get into any money conversations.

I was joking with him being a "yes" man. It was in relation to a conversation we were having and I know my h isn't a "yes" man. His response, Glam if I were a "yes" man I would be living here wouldn't I. OUCH! I didn't respond. Not even sure what that comment meant, but didn't sound good.

Just trying to get through the week. At least h has been pleasant, but is it the calm before the storm?

[Silent Chrleader]

Hi, [[[[Glam]]]]

Wow, he asked you for rent money and his head isn't now flat on one side from a frying pan!!!????? You, my lady, are a saint!!!

I'm glad you are hanging in there, and setting some healthy boundaries with him too. I'm by no means an expert at anything, but it seems to me that those boundaries (letting H see real drawbacks to not being at home) is the best thing you can do right now. If he doesn't have motivation for movement, he won't move........

Keep it up, girl!!!!

Go Glammie, Go Glammie....... ok maybe that's a bit much....

Love ya'!!

[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,

I hope things with your H are still calm. - Have a nice day. (((HUGS)))

[happynow]

Hi Glam,

Just checking in on you, I hope you are doing all right!

(((HUGS))))

[dl443322]

Hey G, been thinking about you. Hope you are ok.

[peacetoday]

Glam
How are things going
ive been thinking of you too
peace

[glamgirl]

Thanks everyone for stopping by and posting. I am not really sure how I am doing. I guess you would call it getting on with my life. I have been busy around the house.

I got a bonus at work and am using the money to fix up the house. H and I painted the kids rooms and kids bathroom. The rooms look great. H and I are not painters, but we didn't do so bad for the first time. We have yet to paint the halls, master bath and bedroom.

H has been stopping by daily to help with the painting. He has been nice and friendly and helpful. I was even grouchy one day and he came up behind me and gave me a big hug and said bring on the nice Glam. He was right, I needed to check my attitude. I was amazed, the old h would have stormed off rather than try to communicate.

I did ask h a few questions, as we have been spending a fair amount of time together in small quarters as we paint. I did say h is there any hope that you would ever move back home. His response "That is up to you Glam". I said I don't know what you mean, and of course h would not elaborate. Have no idea what that means.

I also asked him a few times when he was leaving if he wanted to stay the night. One time his answer was "I need to play racquet ball in the morning". Geez I didn't know that him staying with his family would prevent that. What an excuse.

The next time it was the rooms are not finished yet in the house. Meaning our painting. Geez I didn't know that was a requirement too to be able to spend the night. Wow, he will make up any excuse in the book NOT to spend the night, yet he told our counselor that is something he could do.

Sometimes I feel like singing a song to my h, but I can't sing but if I could it would go something like this:

I want to spend the night, but I just can't do it
I want to loose some weight, but I just can't do it
I want to exercise with you, but I just can't do it
I want to tell you where I live, but I just can't do it
I want to eat healthy, but I just can't do it.

It's hard. I feel like my h says so many things, but never follows through with what he has committed to. This was never my h before. He can follow through with creating a resume for someone he hardly knows, but has said to me stick within your inner circle. Yeah is that me sticking to my inner circle or h following what he says he is going to do? I only wish he would follow his own advice.

Then this past week he was saying all these things like I need to get a good paying job so Glam you don't have to work. I need to get us a bigger house, so Glam you can get a bunch of dogs. I need to get you a new car Glam. When we are old Glam....... and yada yada yada.

Ok now maybe that all sounds like good positives, but wait a minute, how can my h be thinking of any of this stuff for the future, when he can't even spend the evening. It's as if I have the plague. What is it about sleeping in the same bed with me?
He will have sex with me (we did today) but can't even bear the thought of cuddling next to me all night. Oh my, he might catch something.

So, how am I doing? Not sure! Just trying to put one foot in front of the other. D5 will be home in a week. She is going to love her painted room. We miss her so much.

[Silent Chrleader]

I think you're doing great as usual, Glam!!! It just seems to me to be a matter of time before your H comes home..... although I know it must be excruciating for you!!

And, by the way, I did get your voice-mail. Have meant to call you......would like to chat in "real time" about stuff......I have no idea where I'm at at this point either. Or maybe it's that I know where I'm at, but I have no idea where I'm going now.

I'll call ya'!

((((((hugs))))))