I don't know how to get the focus back on us. I have been GALing, working around the house, working out, doing stuff for me. I think I have more of an effect on her when I go dark. Which I have been for quite some time, I don't initiate any type of conversation with her. I give her LOTS of space.
My friend didn't have his spouse DB on him. He said he was just tired of it all, he felt he did everything that he could to try to make the marriage work. They were separated for 3 years and then divorced for 4. He said that it was this year that he realized that he didn't focus 100% on the marriage before. He felt bad that he just quit on it and that his ex had stopped asking him to work on it together or get back with each other. Then last week he said they went to counseling and he can now see where the red flags were and how he could have done a better job.
I can see th red flags now, where I could have done better. I can't say that for her.
I know not everyone is getting back together, it just feels that way.
...his ex had stopped asking him to work on it together or get back with each other.
Uh, isn't that the DB, right there? Maybe it took her a long time to get there. Very enlightening.
Look, my mind spins on my sitch and my H and my kids...I really get it. I'm struggling myself to come up with some 180s for me, focus on positive, have gratitude, etc.
It is very hard to know what we know and not make the S "get it." I battle with this everyday. But, I was know-it-all in R and maybe H needs to do his own thing and discover the truth for himself. Even when he has acknowledged I am right, it doesn't change the sitch. Probably because he resents me for being right, as usual.
Did you have any of that in your sitch? Control, dominating, being the voice of reason? Just curious.
No, she is the control freak. I was the voice of reason, sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. She has a history of reacting out of emotion and making irrational decisions.
I know. Me too. But if you look at the length of time it took your friend to wise up, well, you know what I'm saying. This is a long and difficult process.
The logistics are the hardest to sort out for me. So, one little thing at a time.
I'm thinking maybe if we rational/reliable ones go apesh*t, drop everything and leave for India to go find ourselves, maybe that 180 would change the dynamic...
I don't know if I can wait 5 years for someone to say, oh I'm sorry I screwed up. Let's give it a go. I just keep thinking this is so stupid, a waste of time.
Why did she have to tell me she loved me? Why did she have to tell me she still cared? Why did she hahve to tell me that this is hard for her? WHat does she want from me?!
