Well, I have another note to make. More Karma I am afraid, just a real shame others have to suffer too....
W's uncle had a massive heart attack on the golf course today. Died on the spot. He would be happy that he went that way, that's the only saving grace. I have passed on my sympathies to his family.
W phoned me and told me, then complained that she had to go tell MIL tomorrow (MIL is now in a hospice). I couldn't bring my self to feel sorry for her. All her lies, deceit and the way she treated me has left me cold.
I don't think I am a bad person for feeling that way, it's the way she made me. I feel sad for the loss of a great uncle-in-law, I am still great friends with his son (I contacted him straight away to say I was sorry).
My 2 boys feel sorry for their mum for having to go through all this, I told them that's a natural thing to feel and that they should take care of her. (I never mentioned how I felt to them).
I was only a semi believer in Karma before this stage in my life...not anymore.
Sorry Silva for yet another loss - lots going on with you. I get that what goes around comes around. And I don't think it is awful of you to feel cold around your stbx. Stuff happens and you feel what you feel.
Can't imagine what it is like for her but life does go on while we try to stop and figure it out. We don't get to put it on hold. So go with what you have.
Kass, thanks for your kind words. I think that it's the selfishness of those that hurt us that leaves a bitter taste. I am bitter towards my W for what she did 'for herself' (she told me it was about time she had some independence and that our marriage had 'run its course') All the time being non indepedant and having another man waiting in the wings.
I know that this bitterness is only hurting me, and I am slowly releasing it and finding new things to concentrate on. It takes a long time though.
The result of this bitterness is that I AM pleased to see my W suffer. I know she ran off into the sunset knowing how broken I was and didn't look back with any great conviction. Knowing that, I do take a weird sense of satisfaction knowing it hasn't worked out to be the wonderful place she thought it would be.
My other situation is that she now expects me to be caring and supportive of her 'problems' and understand that it's a hard time for her and show compassion. Well I can't do that. I have been to hell and back over the last 10 months and it's left me bereft of ANY compassion for her.
I don't exactly dance around at the fact that she is suffering, but I do think that it serves her right to be without the full support of a close knit family group in these bad times. I cannot find it within me to symapthise for her. I FULLY support my 2 sons in caring and looking after their mother and would NEVER let them know my true feelings. That would be grossly unfair on all of them.
I also just wish that EVERYONE'S suffering would end and that we could all just find some peace.
I think it's totally normal to feel that way. I know I certainly did. She chose her actions so now she has to deal with the consequences. It's good that you don't say anything to the boys, their relationship with their mother is their own.
Keep your chin up and keep living your life!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
It will all pass in time. I will repeat - you can only do what you can do. If the result of her choices has distanced you from her suffering then so be it.
Your job is to take care for your sons and yourself. Sounds like it is tough on you but again - don't feel responsible for not having the feelings she expects. It just shows you what she is about and it is doesn't show her concern for you.
