@alive -- have you ever considered the opposite outcome?
YOU wind up fabulously happy, with super kids, and a new man who thinks you're the greatest thing since Wonder Bread, living a terrifically great life, and Monsoor winds up like one of those guys from one of last season's episodes of "Entourage?"
Rock Star's Personal Assistant intercepts Monsoor en route to the "VIP" "Private" "Invited Guests Only" backstage backstage area and says, "Hey Monsoor, ummmm, Rock didn't want to say anything but some of the guys in the band think you're harshing their buzz before the gigs and maybe we should, like, chill out a bit and..."
I really have to work through this one because it is an impasse for me on some level. I don't want him thinking this was alright because we end up friends and all's well that ends well. Hopefully, in the not too distant future, I just wont care.
It just seems like such a mindf*ck. If I can't be "friends" than I'm bitter and I'm not stepping up. But I am still stuck on what the point is of divorcing if two people are "friends" and have the history, the love, the kids etc. Just seems like a shame to me.
I TOTALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY feel this way too. Like what a waste, right. I know, I know. I am right here with you AK. (((HUGS)))
But I am still stuck on what the point is of divorcing if two people are "friends" and have the history, the love, the kids etc. Just seems like a shame to me.
I have Big Man-Love for War Buddy -- woulda taken a bullet for him and still would.
But he snores like a m*therf*cka. A joke, or would be, if it weren't so true: Which pile of War Buddy's clothes is dirty? Who cares? And try to put more ketchup on....everything, dude. Ketchup on pizza?
So despite my Big Love I wouldn't live with War Buddy -- except under extreme duress like, oh, Iraq -- for all the tea in China.
Just because you're "friends" and have the history and the love, doesn't mean you're meant to "be together."
You ever notice how in those old sitcoms from the '50s and '60s, Hubby and Wifey sleep in separate beds? Remember how weird that seemed when you were in your 20s?
@alive -- have you ever considered the opposite outcome?
YOU wind up fabulously happy, with super kids, and a new man who thinks you're the greatest thing since Wonder Bread, living a terrifically great life, and Monsoor winds up like one of those guys from one of last season's episodes of "Entourage?"
Rock Star's Personal Assistant intercepts Monsoor en route to the "VIP" "Private" "Invited Guests Only" backstage backstage area and says, "Hey Monsoor, ummmm, Rock didn't want to say anything but some of the guys in the band think you're harshing their buzz before the gigs and maybe we should, like, chill out a bit and..."
Ok Smiley, if that's how it is going to go down, I can dig it.
I also have this sort of juvenile thing about detaching. To think that I too can sort of will myself out of my love for H, it makes me feel like him. To distract myself and GAL and evict him from my heart, it seems so crass and disingenuous. Yet, I really believe that love is a choice and that when I choose to truly move on, it will be so stark to have no feelings for him. With ex-bf who I adore, I feel that when I run into him but it has always been manageable because we didn't do the walk down the aisle and the building a life together and the kids...I just find it interesting that at one time I loved him and I know I could choose to go there if I wanted to, don't want to. But, with H, wow, to see him as an acquaintance or just a guy I loved back when...tears, tears, tears. And maybe it is remnant from my childhood. The bafflement of seeing these two people who created me just casually handing me off to each other with such nonchalance and really no chemistry between them...it is still with me. Plus, as my sweet 9yr old just whimpered and told me that the pillow he hugs is too small because it doesn't feel like cuddling with daddy and on to how much he misses daddy...well, it is hard to minimize the loss. Tears.
The only answer is one day at a time...because this is just nauseating.
Truth is, this part is so hard and I am managing to be "friends" with H. I can probably handle way more than I think I can. It is just that sort of winded feeling that I long to shed...I want to feel like I can really breathe.
I think my convo with kiddo really jacked me up. He doesn't want to talk to daddy about how sad he is because it is "too sad" and he wants to be happy when he talks to him. He wants me to tell H. Thoughts on that? Me telling H what S9 said...I asked S to think about talking to daddy because I think that would be better and they have their own relationship.
Sorry for the hijack/diversion...when it flows, it flows.
HA ha good point SP....I believe it is called Karma!
Oh, but I've live long enough not to rely on the karma to come down the way I think it should.
Plus, I certainly can't hinge my happiness on H ending up a failure. I actually think he'll most likely shmooze his way through life if need be. It isn't too hard in this town to convince someone that you are somebody and H is really "connected." Barf...
It is a fun fantasy but can't be too invested in where H ends up.
It is a fun fantasy but can't be too invested in where H ends up.
Taa-Daaaaaaaa!
And here just a couple posts ago aliveandkicking was all kinds of invested in where H winds up, because she didn't want him to be "proved right" and what-not, which would mean he "won" and she was a "loser" and she was stuck at home and he was schmoozy-moozy over at Dan Tana's with the rest of the Hollyweird Skum.....
But I am still stuck on what the point is of divorcing if two people are "friends" and have the history, the love, the kids etc. Just seems like a shame to me.
I have Big Man-Love for War Buddy -- woulda taken a bullet for him and still would.
But he snores like a m*therf*cka. A joke, or would be, if it weren't so true: Which pile of War Buddy's clothes is dirty? Who cares? And try to put more ketchup on....everything, dude. Ketchup on pizza?
So despite my Big Love I wouldn't live with War Buddy -- except under extreme duress like, oh, Iraq -- for all the tea in China.
Just because you're "friends" and have the history and the love, doesn't mean you're meant to "be together."
You ever notice how in those old sitcoms from the '50s and '60s, Hubby and Wifey sleep in separate beds? Remember how weird that seemed when you were in your 20s?
Seem so weird now?
SP- You're too much, in a good way!
H and I could do this if we wanted to. We've got enough going for us (unlike you and war buddy). I'm going to fall in love with and put up with another man who snores or uses too much ketchup or makes fart jokes or whatever it is that irks me...I'm too acutely aware of that to chalk this up to a mismatch...it is what it is; two grown ups deciding to detach and try some other path. That's it. It could go either way. Maybe someday I'll see it differently or my new love will make say "Ole star-f*cking H was all wrong for me" and H will have another woman who is "right" for him. But we will have changed and grown and evolved (one can hope) and it will be more about who we are than the other people...blah blah blah, I'm starting to bore myself.
When I was just a little girl I asked my mother What will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Here's what she said to me:
Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see. Que sera, sera. What will be, will be.
When I grew up and fell in love I asked my sweetheart What lies ahead? Will we have rainbows Day after day? Here's what my sweetheart said:
Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see. Que sera, sera. What will be, will be.
Now I have children of my own. They ask their mother, What will I be? Will I be handsome? Will I be rich? I tell them tenderly:
Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see. Que sera, sera. What will be, will be. Que sera, sera.
aliveth, yetheth Ieth doeth. But hey -- it's a company town, right? Even the valet at the B.H. post office is shopping a screenplay around town. Hell, even I am, in a not-very-serious-way.
I'm still brooding on the second half of Coach's query -- HOW to be friends with Walkaway -- but I think I need some clarification from the Coach Hisself:
Do you mean how in the mechanical sense? How to approach, how to do it?
Or how in the higher order sense of how does one cope, justify, etc.?
