First off..I'm terribly sorry for your loss..TBH I have no idea how you feel..I've dealt with death of friends and grandparents but have not been touched by that in my immedaite family...having said that...my dad was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer around the last of March...he has 12-18 months unless there is some miracle..so..I am attmepting to prepare myself but know at some point I will crash...
I really have no idea what my point is...other than what you feel is normal..the spinning is normal...think of the good times you too had together and know that he will never be forgotten and always be loved. With time to mourn and grieve the loss you will snap out of this and your life will seem better....your brother will always be with you in spirit and I'm sure he will be watching over you....it's what we brothers do...
do you have a pastor you could talk to?? or maybe a counselor??
as for XH..ignore him...he is no longer your "rock" and has not been for a long time.
Kris...you're gonna be OK...I'll say a prayer for you and your family..
This is by far one of the hardest traumas to get through. You will never forget your brother, but the pain will fade in time just like the pain of the D has. There needs to be something for you to center yourself on in order to deal with the hurt without spinning. Do you belong to a church? Is there a Griefshare group in your area? Spending time healing is just as necessary when there is a death as it is when there is a D. Give yourself time and don't expect too much from yourself. One day at a time, one foot in front of another.
Regarding your xh......he's your ex for a reason. He is no longer involved in your life, he doesn't care anymore. Your life is not intertwined with his. You are having expectations of a man that is not involved with you any longer. The past R can not carry over to the present. Have no expectations of him at all. Treat him like a stranger, not a friend or lover.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
No, I haven't found a church since I moved back home. Maybe it is time. I have been looking for a grief couselor without much luck. I do need someone to talk to. My mother who is usually my rock in a crises simply cannot be for this and I feel others are tired of me talking about it.
I know xh is no longer involved in my life, but I cannot imagine not asking even my worst enemy how they are after a tragedy in their life has occurred. I guess that shows me the type of person he truly is. I don't want a R with him, just some common courtesy. Why would he email me and tell me he is there for me if I ever need to talk but ignore my attempts and basically ignore me when seeing me?
I feel like I have just taken ten steps back. I was moving on. I have been dating someone pretty seriously and without him I would have never made it through the first week of this. He was unbelievable. However, now I find myself pushing him away. I am slipping into a deep depression and find it almost impossible to even get out of bed in the mornings.
No, I haven't found a church since I moved back home. Maybe it is time.
you don't have to have a church...you can go to any church and talk with a pastor..so just do it...
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I feel others are tired of me talking about it.
find a friend who will just listen..
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Why would he email me and tell me he is there for me if I ever need to talk but ignore my attempts and basically ignore me when seeing me?
because he's dumb for one thing...and for another he is involved with a person who helped break up your M right?? so I'm sure she has laid the law down to him and told him not to offer you support or be around you..especailly now...she's probably afraid that since you are at a vulnerable time in your life that if he offers you support then something could happen first..emotionally...that might start you both back towards each other..
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I feel like I have just taken ten steps back. I was moving on. I have been dating someone pretty seriously and without him I would have never made it through the first week of this. He was unbelievable. However, now I find myself pushing him away.
If new guy is all that then he should understand..maybe you need to let him know exactly why you are finding yourself pushing him away...
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I am slipping into a deep depression and find it almost impossible to even get out of bed in the mornings.
Kris..go see your doctor..now..schedule an appointment today..tell them it's urgent..
I fully agree with Mike, Kris. Please get in to see your doctor. I know AD's are not immediate relief, but if you are slipping more and more every day, now is the time to stop the spiral. You know it only has to be temporary...this depression is situational, not continual. Get help.
If I remember your location correctly, I checked for Griefshare groups but I didn't find any. I'll message you what I did find in the alt.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
because he's dumb for one thing...and for another he is involved with a person who helped break up your M right?? so I'm sure she has laid the law down to him and told him not to offer you support or be around you..especailly now...she's probably afraid that since you are at a vulnerable time in your life that if he offers you support then something could happen first..emotionally...that might start you both back towards each other..
...funny how laying down the law didn't work for me...
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If new guy is all that then he should understand..maybe you need to let him know exactly why you are finding yourself pushing him away...
Mike, he does understand. I don't think I am just pushing him away, it is everyone in my life. Everyone (him, mom, dad, friends) right now seems to be a constant reminder of how my life has changed and if I can just be by myself then I can feel just for a little bit that everything isn't in chaos.
You both are right. I will make an appointment with the doctor today. I always feel that I can handle things on my own, but I DO need help right now.
Mish, I did find a website for a grief group but it looked like it was geared more towards kids. I will call them and see what they have for adults.
Mike, he does understand. I don't think I am just pushing him away, it is everyone in my life. Everyone (him, mom, dad, friends) right now seems to be a constant reminder of how my life has changed and if I can just be by myself then I can feel just for a little bit that everything isn't in chaos.
During times of trouble is not the time to be alone...In times of trouble you need to be there for your family as they should be for you. You all lean on each other so no one falls..
you came back here for that same reason..it's a safe place..you know theri are people here who will catch you..
your guy should be there for you and you should let him catch you.
Do not look at the negative parts of losing your brother..look at the good he did.....for you, for the people around him....He is with you and always will be..rejoice in the good he did while he was here and do not look at the negative of his passing....he's in a better place for sure..
During times of trouble is not the time to be alone...In times of trouble you need to be there for your family as they should be for you. You all lean on each other so no one falls..
Logically I know this, but in reality I just want to crawl into bed and not have to talk to or see anyone. I did just call my doctors office. He is full today and then leaving for ten days. He called in an AD for me that I took right after the bomb for a couple of months and I have an appointment when he gets back.
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you came back here for that same reason..it's a safe place..you know there are people here who will catch you..
You are absolutely right. I actually went to a greif website and got nothing out of it. You all have already helped me.
