"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I understand that for some of you, you may FEEL that SMW has expectations for something that may not come thru. I understand that you don't want her to be hurt and disappointed, however, if you believe in God's word, God tells us he hates divorce, and he tells us that God only granted divorce during Moses' time because of the hardness of their hearts, but it was not God's will from the beginning (of creation).
Also, a big portion of receiving answered prayers is based on our faith. Jesus said that if we had the faith of the size of a mustard seed that we could move a mountain.
I believe that it may be in the best interest for those who do not stand for what SMW believes in, to either refrain from discouraging her faith or to not post at all.
and this is where it gets fuzzy for me....
so straight up and to the point...
SMW if you rather I not post..then all you need to do is say the word and I'll understand..no offense taken..
ST...myself being a very very young christian who fails miserably at leading/living the way a christian should live...I do have questions about faith...things from the bible, religion in general..I don't think that makes me a bad person, I don't think that means I'll burn in hell fire and damnation...I think that just means i have have questions that have not been answered...I also think don't necessarily think that God would want me to stay in a bad marriage for all my life when it would have never worked out...I could be wrong about that..but my conviction for getting out of mine when I did was/is just as strong as your's/SMW's is for staying in...
MB..that be me in the pics..that is my site..it's part of who I am...last name starts with P by the way...I'm in the alt...look me up if your over there
I'm a believer. But I have to say, my prayers changed over time. Instead of asking God to help H "see the light" and restore the M, I just prayed for the guidance to know what to do, and the strength to deal with what was going to come, regardless of what way it went. Much like the serenity prayer.
I came to believe that God (or, if you will, "the universe" AK) has good things coming my way, so if that does NOT include H (remember that our spouses have FREE WILL and might not listen to the big guy) then I ahve faith that God has something else cool for me around the corner.
The belief and faith that, "no matter what, I'm okay" is what finally allowed me to truly let go of H or wishing for us to be Maritally restored...and then of course my "plans" for moving forward w/o him shifted again, as H and I are together. So, it happens. (A part of me thought, wth?)
Isn't this really another discussion, in some form, about the serenity prayer and where we are in finding ourselves with it? What can we change? Should we? What can we accept and should we? It may be a life long discussion. (But an easier one with time, PLEASE...)
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I'm a believer. But I have to say, my prayers changed over time. Instead of asking God to help H "see the light" and restore the M, I just prayed for the guidance to know what to do, and the strength to deal with what was going to come, regardless of what way it went. Much like the serenity prayer.
I came to believe that God (or, if you will, "the universe" AK) has good things coming my way, so if that does NOT include H (remember that our spouses have FREE WILL and might not listen to the big guy) then I ahve faith that God has something else cool for me around the corner.
Well said. I continually remind myself of this as well. The good Lord can point our wayward spouses in the right direction, send countless "messengers" to show them the way, but in the end they have the free will to ignore all of it and go down their own lost separate path.
SMW - stay the course you have chosen for you and your children. I for one believe you are on the right path. It will remain to be seen whether your H decides to join you or not, either way in the end you will be in a better place.
D9 had a C appt last night. I had previously emailed C about the visitation schedule. She and I also spoke on the phone yesterday before we went in. DH went to the appointment, too. C wanted to speak to me first. Told her again what my position on the visitation is. before I could say anything else, she said it looked to her like an outside influence was pushing for visitation, not DH. She also said that DH would look like a fool to go and ask someone to draft a visitation agreement when he right now has unlimited access to the kids and most men would kill for that. Said she had some tough questions for DH and if they were too emotional for me, she would understand if I left. Then she asked DH to join us.
we chitchatted for a minute or two, then she said that her goal was to get all of us on the same page in regards to what we would tell D9 when certain questions come up, as D9 is very smart and it will only be a matter of time before she starts looking for more details. Also mentioned that D9 is very direct and wavering would not be accepted by her, nor would trying to redirect her work. So, she asked if we had ever talked about why DH was leaving when he moved out. I said that DH had told the kids that he could not live with Mommy and he needed some time and space. She asked if it had been asked after that. I said, yes, once last fall and I had told her basically the same thing, but that I wanted Daddy to come home, too.
C approached these questions in a roleplaying manner, with her as D9. I had a hard time not giggling, as she has D9's mannerisms down pat.
She asked DH what he was planning to tell D9 if she asked why he had left. He got quiet, cleared his throat a couple times, and looked really uncomfortable. Said he did not know what to tell her. She told him that waffling would not work, D9 would expect an answer and he needed to give some thought as to what he plans to tell her and to discuss it with her and I so that we are all on the same page. She said she could tell that we are both concerned for the kids and that neither one of us is looking to tear down the other parent, but that we would have to be very careful about what we tell her.
Then she asked him what he was going to tell D9 when she asked "Mommy wants you to come home, we want you to come home, and we all have fun together, so why won't you come home?" I did not expect that one and let out a big breath, as I knew it would be a tough question to handle. The fact that she said it exactly like D9 made it even harder. DH got even more uncomfortable and again said he did not know how to answer her. C said to him, again, that he needed to think about his answers and we would revisit the questions again soon.
D17's C appointment was a half hour after D9's and I needed to be in that one, so DH stayed in with D9 for her appointment. I do not know what was discussed. T could not have been really awful, though, as DH came back here, we ate dinner together, and he hung out until after the kids were in bed.
D9 told me that she asked DH if he was going with us to the amusement park on Sunday. I know I heard D6 ask him, too. Apparently he lied and told them he has duty, but we would all go again later on in the summer. Part of the reason he is not going, I am sure, is because my mom is going with us.
DH will be over this afternoon. I do not know if he plans on coming over tomorrow. If he does, I think I am going out for several hours. I need to get my nails done and have some other things to take care of and it would be nice to do it without kids in tow
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I don't think your opinion has ever beeen discounted at all..
As you and I both know by looking at the world around us that "christian beliefs" "witnessing" etc. are sometimes frowned upon...as a matter of fact i think it's much harder for a Christian to walk this world than any other person..it's a hard life to lead...simply because we are human, not perfect, nor without sin.
Like I said only you and God know what you are supposed to do. If he speaks to you and points you in the direction you are taking then good for you. As far as i know..if he spoke to me and told me to get out..I missed it..if he told me to stay..I missed it...either way..I feel good and at peace with the path I took.
Quote:
I once believed the maxim "once a cheater, always a cheater".
I also meant to put in here..that OP would have been a deal breaker for me...and it would be, still is...and clearly it was not for you from the beginning and maybe that is what true chritianity is all about..the ability to forgive the breaking of that covenant vow by a spouse..
Mike--
I do not know what "true Christianity" is about, other than the unconditional love Christ has called for us to show to one another--just as he did by choosing to die sinless on the cross to redeem us for our sins.
I always thought an Op would be a deal breaker for me--until she became a reality. Then, my only concern was how to fix what was broken and to restore my marriage. In the process I have fixed myself. I am prepared to live life alone, but would much rather live it with my DH.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
wow, I probably have a lot to say, but as I don't have much time I will say this.
I understand that for some of you, you may FEEL that SMW has expectations for something that may not come thru. I understand that you don't want her to be hurt and disappointed, however, if you believe in God's word, God tells us he hates divorce, and he tells us that God only granted divorce during Moses' time because of the hardness of their hearts, but it was not God's will from the beginning (of creation).
Also, a big portion of receiving answered prayers is based on our faith. Jesus said that if we had the faith of the size of a mustard seed that we could move a mountain.
I believe that it may be in the best interest for those who do not stand for what SMW believes in, to either refrain from discouraging her faith or to not post at all.
When I realized my path, I removed all my family from me. I told my mother, my sister, my mom-n-law, everyone that I would not be speaking to them and that if they wanted to contact me, they could send me an email and I may respond. I knew that I needed to not be distracted from FEELINGS. feelings that my friends and family wanted to keep me from being hurt.
okay, SMW, you know that my marriage was saved by our Lord, and you know yours will be as well. The people of this world cannot have the same understanding, but they just want to help you, they do care for you, so do not feel burdened by their feelings. You know what God has in store for you and that is all you need.
Crissy--
Thank you for being my friend. I was truly blessed the day I found you and cannot wait for the day we meet in real life.
I do not expect people to believe what I believe, but I do mind when people discount my faith, as I am sure they would mind my discounting what they believe in.
You know that my family was not initially supportive of my standing for my marriage. Most of them have since had a change of heart and are behind me 110%. For that I am grateful. It gives me someplace to go without feeling like I have to guard my heart. They do not probe, they are simply there for me an I need that every now and again.
God's plans our not our plans and I feel that His will is that I stand and wait for my husband, no matter how long it takes. So, I will.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
