People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you. Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight. Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
Good one Greek. All that being and doing.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
WOW! Quite a thread! Lots of inspiring things here!
The canoe comparison just really hit it with me. That's how I felt it was, but this was put into words perfectly. Everybody is on their own individual journey, even kids, the parents have to CHOOSE to stay together for it to be a healthy R/M. I think I was doing the same things: dismissing W's plans and dreams to some extent until she had left the canoe I was in. To be honest, by that time I did not really have a clear direction for my canoe anyways. She started kayaking away, but kept a visual. I found my way again and I now know where I want to go with my kayak, so I keep paddling in that direction. Recently, it seems like she's keeping the same course as I am, but still staying at a distance, checking what I am doing. Every once in a while she'll come closer to see how things are going and then she'll create some distance again. Hopefully, she'll see that I am not changing course anymore, I know where I am going and she'll want to paddle there together with me again.
Felt good writing that!
As you can tell from my sig, I have been in the defined limboland for a while except we are living separately, other 3 are CHECK.
Your description of where your wife is - paddling along, maintaining distance, but not getting any farther away either is exactly where mine is as well.
Keep on paddling!
Last edited by Thinker; 06/12/0902:21 AM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Friendinesssays, "I'll treat you with respect [thought bubble: "even though you don't deserve it"], I'll treat you with kindness [thought bubble: "even though you didn't do that for me"], I'll work at preserving communication, (some) connection, and a cooperative spirit [thought bubble: "even though I'd like to b*tch-slap you upside the melon"] because doing that is good for me -- it brings a measure of peace, a measure of tranquility, a measure of Calm to my life [thought bubble: "but really just because I'm a much better person than you are"]."
Upon further review, there appears to be a lot of similarity between SP's definition of "friendiness" and Thinker's thoughts on "partnership"... They both focus on that locus between hostility/anger/resentment and friendship/the "R"/intimacy.
Originally Posted By: SmileysPerson
Friendiness is for LBS -- it's an intermediate step between hostility and relationshippy closeness.
Friendinesssays, "I'll treat you with respect [thought bubble: "even though you don't deserve it"], I'll treat you with kindness [thought bubble: "even though you didn't do that for me"], I'll work at preserving communication, (some) connection, and a cooperative spirit [thought bubble: "even though I'd like to b*tch-slap you upside the melon"] because doing that is good for me -- it brings a measure of peace, a measure of tranquility, a measure of Calm to my life [thought bubble: "but really just because I'm a much better person than you are"]."
WAS may take this as a signal of approval -- but then WAS could take anything as a signal of approval, even outright hostility by LBS because that's just a validation of WAS's own warped decision-matrix, so in a sense it's a peculiar kind of *ss-backwards approval (it is, at a minimum, enabling).
So who cares what WAS thinks? Friendiness is to help LBS cope, to relieve the burden of "I have to be 'friends' with this person?" No, I just have to be Friendy.
The Fabulous Jody suggested another way of looking at this which, while obvious in its simplicity, never occurred to me until she said it... The gist was this: Don't forget,YOU can still be friendy (or a friend) to the WAS (for the reasons SP says above), even though you don't consider them to be a friend to you. Being friendy isn't the same as saying you consider the WAS to be among your circle-of-friends. Just because they want you to be their BFF (or say it even if they don't), friendship is a two-way street.
And, while SP's thought bubbles are 100% accurate , telling the WAS we won't be their friend is even more enabling, as it just "proves" tht they were right to walkaway in the first place. So, in the meanwhile, which is the better choice for YOU: standing your ground and saying you won't be their friend or being friendy?
New: What a Weekend
H-48 WAW-49 M-22 S-14,9 D-11 EA disc.-11/07 PA disc.-3/08 EA2?-6/08 to ?
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Felt good writing that!
, telling the WAS we won't be their friend is even more enabling, as it just "proves" tht they were right to walkaway in the first place. So, in the meanwhile, which is the better choice for YOU: standing your ground and saying you won't be their friend or being friendy?