So from my POV "how" you do it is to make befriending Walkaway all about you and not about Walkaway. It's about saying, in essence, "This is the kind of person I am; this is how I roll."
Cheers!
ps Loved the Dr Strangelove reference. "it's why I only drink pure un-filtered rain water."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I would be interested in anyone's advice on life in "Limboland"
I am defining Limboland as any sitch where:
1) WAS has declared desire for D, ILYBNILWY, No attraction, etc.
2) WAS has not filed for divorce and is not actively working toward D (at least overtly)
3) WAS is not actively working on the M, and will not commit to continued M.
4) WAS and LBS still living in same house.
I term it "Limboland" because the LBS can neither effectively detach and move forward toward life alone nor commit to the M. I see a lot of people in this sitch, and all seem to be struggling.
The challenges in this sitch (from reading a lot of them) seem to be: - Very difficult to "Let Go" - difficult to say "I am already D'd, so just get on with my life" - Constant contact with WAS keeps LBS focused on WAS - Constant fear on the part of LBS that WAS will take D the rest of the way (or is already secretly doing so)
I would be really interested in others who want to fill in the further challenges, or in particular from anyone who has successfully navigated an extended period in Limboland.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Apart from #2, which was made necessary for WAW to get financing for new house, I am living in your defined "Limboland."
I think it actually makes a bit difference in that your W is definitely moving out. This is not a good thing, but it make a difference in how you handle it.
Aside from reminding me periodically that she still thinks that D is the best option, my W is making no steps in that direction (or if she is, she is keeping them hidden).
Quote:
Agree w/ challenges and maybe linchpin is duration of Limbo.
Don't think challenges are insurmountable -- possibly a matter of "As-If" to order of magnitude?
Absolutely right. The real challenge is the duration. Limbo is a stable period with little or no movement either toward D or toward reconciliation. It could go on for potentially years until either a) the LBS finds a way to break through the walls between them or b) one of the two parties gives up and files for D.
It's Limbo for the LBS, because they can neither actively work on the M (would be pursuit) nor completely let go and independently move on with their life.
Last edited by Thinker; 06/04/0905:47 PM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
It's Limbo for the LBS, because they can neither actively work on the M (would be pursuit) nor completely let go and independently move on with their life.
Thinker, Put on your list of reading "Oh the Places You Will Go" by Dr Suess. Pay attention to the waiting place part. You will stay in Limbo as long as you think you are. You can work on your M without pursuing and move on with live your life without harming your M. Your every move is being watched by your W. This is when you get to lead. You will show your W how how to get out of Limboland together. I know you can handle it. Cheers Coach Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
