Kris, I am sorry you are feeling this way. I am so sorry about your brother. A loss like yours "breaks" the strongest of people, you are strong, you will pull yourself thru this.
I appreciate the push to call the doctor and a counselor. I actually found a place that does both group sessions and one on one counseling and it is free. I would rather do one on one right now, I have a call in to the lady for an appointment.
I am feeling a little better today. Talked to some friends last night, and both my parents. Also, my brothers best friend called last night and that really helped. I think I need to get a journal because just typing out my feelings on here seemed to help a lot.
I just got an email from xh asking if I could meet today for lunch. Just getting the email seemed to mess with my mood so I wasn't sure I could handle a meeting with him during the middle of the workday. Maybe it is a bad idea anyway. I did have something specific I wanted to talk to him about....but maybe I should just do that with the counselor?
Yes, I picked up the AD's. I started them this morning and I feel jittery. I remember that is why I stopped taking them before. I see the doctor in two weeks so I will take them and discuss that with the dr I guess.
give the ad's a chance hon, hope you feel better today))))
follow your instinct, if you dont' feel comfortable talking with xh dont', thank him for his concern but tell him you dont' think it's a good idea at this point, it is better this way I think, you dont' need any more to deal with right now.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I'm doing a little bit better, thanks for checking in. I have been taking the AD's and the jittery feeling has gone away. I seem to be able to focus a bit more at work (although that is still a problem) and don't have as much trouble getting up in the mornings. However I have gone from sleeping all the time to not sleeping hardly at all. I will just talk to the Dr. about that when I go. Hopefully it will even out.
I do have an appointment with a grief counselor on Thursday, so hopefully that will help. It just seems I go up and down with good days and bad. I am just trying to take it day by day. Work seems to be the biggest struggle for me right now.
I told xh I didn't feel up to meeting him last week. Maybe some other time. I told him I would need more notice because he wanted me to leave work right then. We'll just see how that goes. I feel kind of indifferent about it right now.
I know you have a history together, but I struggle with the concept of using your XH as a source of support. Would you feel the same way if he was married to the OW? I do think he's been callous, but I also think you need to lower your expectations about what role he should play in your life. To be brutally honest (and sorry about this), you probably mean less to him than he does to you, so he doesn't really feel the urge to be there for you. He's someone else's rock now.
I hope the ADs work for you. Give them a chance to settle before you abandon them. A little jitteriness should disperse over time.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Thanks Phoenix. I guess one of the reasons that I am struggling with feelings about xh is because he started it. He reached out to me. He was emailing me daily telling me how he felt the need to be there for me. He came to the visitation and held me and cried with me and told me that he would never get over the guilt and regret for what he had done. He called me several times...and then right when I needed him he shut down. No contact. Not even a "how are you doing" when I saw him in the grocery store.
To be honest, I don't really feel anything anymore about the situation with xh. I am too exhausted to worry Yes, I wanted to talk to him but I realize he is no longer the person I fell in love with and married. The way he has behaved through this tragedy has made that abundtly clear. Why suck me back in only to ignore me?..THAT is what I don't understand.
As for the ADs, I will continue to take them until I see the dr which will be a couple more weeks. They make me anxious, although they do seem to help the depression. Anxious is better than the way I was feeling. I have an appointment with the counselor tomorrow.
