I don't know if I can wait 5 years for someone to say, oh I'm sorry I screwed up. Let's give it a go. I just keep thinking this is so stupid, a waste of time.
Why did she have to tell me she loved me? Why did she have to tell me she still cared? Why did she hahve to tell me that this is hard for her? WHat does she want from me?!
I don't know if I can wait 5 years for someone to say, oh I'm sorry I screwed up. Let's give it a go. I just keep thinking this is so stupid, a waste of time.
Why did she have to tell me she loved me? Why did she have to tell me she still cared? Why did she hahve to tell me that this is hard for her? WHat does she want from me?!
When my w found out that my grandmother passed, she wanted to take me to the airport. I told her that she didn't ahve too but she insisted.
The morning I was to leave, the kids and I went to church. The W was there. After church, she asked me to hang around and have donuts with the kids and some friends of ours.
I did and after awhile I told her that I needed to go. That is when she offered to take me to the airport. I was saying good byes to the kids and when I turned around, she was standing there crying. She wanted to give me a hug. I started to tear up and told her that wasn't necessary. She said it was for my grandmother and my mom. She started to hug me real tight and started crying more. Then she she said I Love You. I told her that I loved her too. I hugged her tighter and rubbed her back. I let go and she said she would meet me at the house around 145PM. She picked me up and we started talking about the kids, my flight and work. Then she brought up the fact that she needed to come up with $525 for summer activities fees for the daycare. I was a liitle ticked and asked her if she and her L did ehr homework before she went into court asking for child support. I told ehr that I needed some clarity as to why she needed me to pay since she was aware of the summer activity fees; just as we have Spring and Winter fees. I also informed her that daycare tuition goes up during the summer. It always does. I informed her that I wasn't mad just a bit upset and confused since her L said that my child support would cover all the cost for the kids, I would not have to pay for anything. She didn't say much other than she agreed when I told her that we're not screwing each other. The kids are the ones getting screwed.
We got to the airport and she stayed in her Jeep. I said my goodbyes to the kids and I rubbed my w's shoulder and told her thanks. By the time I got to the back of her Jeep, she was standing there, crying and she gave me another hug. She was sobbing harder, this time I said I love you and she said I love you too. She then gave me a kiss on the cheek. I turned (habit I guess) we both kissed (pecked) on the lips. I let go of her, turned and grabbed my bags and left.
We haven't spoken of that day since I was gone. When I did speak to the kids and she answered, she did sound very pleassant on the phone. But again, no talk of the kiss or hug.
Today, she sent me a text that she wanted to talk about our car insurance. She didn't sound good, a bit nervous. She was letting me know that it was ok for me to go off the current insurance plan and find a new one BUT I could stay on the same plan if it made sense. Well it makes senses because of certain discounts we currently receive by having the vehicles and home on the same plan. She sounded like she didn't want me to leave the plan. Then she brought up the the summer activity fees again. I repeated what we talked about on the way to the airport. I can tell she was a little upset. Then she got even more upset when she told me about the email her parents received from me about D8's braces. She said her father told her that I slammed her. I may have been firm but I never slammed him. She said something about going behind her back. I told her that Iw as ready to do the braces months ago and she ignored me. Again she was silent. Then I asked her that she wanted me to do. She said that she needed me to help her with the summer fees since she couldn't afford it on her own and pay daycare. I told her that is what she wanted and now she wants to change up the kids routine. This time she started getting angry and I told her to calm down and try to see it from my perspective. My perspective is, she keeps changing her plans, she gets what she wants, and then she changes it again. As far as I'm concerned, she went behind my back to get D8 her braces.
After I asked her if she could understand my perspective, she said this is not about us, us was over... I stopped her right there and I told her that I had to go. I was at work and needed to jump into a meeting. I told her that I needed a few days to figure out if I could help her with the money. I asked her if she needed to know now. She said no. I said ok and hung up.
Thing is, I never once brought up us throughout this whole conversation. She is the one that brought it up. She is the one that gets mad and starts into "this is not about us" mode.
I talk to my mom and a friend about this past week. They all said she sounds confused.
I don't know. It felt great hugging her and kissing her. But I'm not getting my hopes up. I want to email her back and tell her that, what's wrong with you. Why do you do one thing and go off the deep end for another?
I went with my D's to their daycare field trip. We went to see Night at the Museum 2. Very funny.
I was talking to D8 heading to the movie. She told me that when W had invited me to go skating with them, she told the kids this doesn't mean we are getting together. I asked her why she said that, did you or your sister say anything to her? She said no, we were just happy that you were going.
That's what gets me riled about about my W. She just starts assuming that if she does one kind thing with me, everyone assumes we're back. I know and understand that's not the case. Why even bother to ask me to dinner, to go skating, take me to the airport, hug me, kiss me...I don't need the sympathy.
I don't try to read too much into it but her actions (at times) do not seem to follow her words. I hope that makes sense to someone.
I need to call her L and setup the mediation appointment. DOes anyone have any advice? I did find out that the 1st appointment that was scheduled, the mediator was an L from my L's office. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or bad thing.
Well W keeps asking for $525 for the kids summer activity fees. The daycare says it isn't due until 06/22, it's late but they are giving her time ot pay it off. Yet they are upset because they see her walk in with her designer purses, nails done and nice clothes acting like she has no care in the world. Yet she can't pay the fees.
My frustration is that she wants me to give her money to pay the fees when she has more money than I do and her attorney told me not to pay anything anymore. Not to pay for baseball, swimming lessons, whatever it is child support takes care of it.
I want to give it to her but I ahve no monye for an attorney, I'm trying to save my house and my job. I'm already looking for a second job to have extra income.
I want to tell her but then again, I don't want her to know all this.
I've been reading up on Stuck's thread. Coach and Mrs. Coach (Greek) ahve been giving good advice. One of my bad habits was not looking my wife in the eye when speaking to her.
They ahd suggested that we need to initiate the eye contact, it shows we are confident with ourselves and shows we are focused on ourselves and that we have an interest in what the S has to say...I hope I got that right.
Anyway, this AM she came by the house. D8 recently got braces with top/bottom spacers. W used to work for an ortho and told me how the spacers work and how they are to be adjusted. The dental assistant showed me how to adjust the spacer. I emailed the W and I assumed she knew how to do this. Well on Wednesday, she called and asked if I was coming over (after I got out of work at midnight) to adjust D8's spacers. I asked her if she knew that it was going to be close to 1AM. She then said ok, I'll stop by in the AM. She never did, she dropped off the kdis and left. Last night, she asked me how to adjust the spacer, I walked her through it and she said ok, I'll just look it up on the internet. I said ok and hung up with her. Then this morning she comes in and asks me to show her how to do it. I was like, ok. FIguring she would ahve looked it up and remembered how to adjust the spacer from her previous job. I did both the top and bottom and that was it.
As she was walking out the door, I made it an effort to make eye contact. She was talking and I turned to look at her, she looked at me, then shoulders, then to the floor. She said have a good day, I walked her tot he door, said you do the same and she kept her eyes on the ground.
Going to try it again tomorrow. I do know that in the past few weeks, if I did make eye contact. That she would smile at me more.
