Haven't heard from W since Tuesday night. That usually means she's doing a lot of thinking.... I'll just let her think, I think... We are doing stuff together on Sat and Sun anyways.
Had a pretty good weekend. Went to the airport with everybody to pick up my stepson at the airport. We were all happy to see him. Then we stopped at a shopping place on the way back and walked around and had dinner. W was happy and was joking with me about stuff, talked the whole time. Once again, felt great!
Yesterday, W came to the the house and picked up the twins because I was going to sail. She stayed for a little bit and during that time I asked her if she had called the MC yet to set up a new appointment (she had said she wanted to schedule the next appointment last time we went). She said she didn't and that she keeps forgetting all kinds of stuff. It did not seem like she did not want to go and was just hoping I would forget. This time, she put it in her phone calendar while I was there, so we'll see.
Another thing I had noticed lately (last couple of weeks) is she seems to sort of joke about sexually related things with me. Can't figure out if she's starting to thaw a little bit (sexually)?
Just remmebered that on Sat after we came back from the airport. I was gonna show W something on the alt about a mutual friend and ran across a really funny picture that a girl I run and bike with posted. So I called W to show it to her. And she immediately says: "You run with her?" This girl is pretty fit, but I am not attracted to her or anything. I said: "Yeah, she runs with our group, but she's pretty quick, so I ran with (male colleague) in the back." I don't know if a hint of jealousy transpired, but I chose not to comment on it anymore. Let her think what she wants to think. Come to think of it... yesterday, she told me she's taking an aerobics class tonight, because she wants to lose weight...
Sounds like a good vacation and following week/weekend. I wonder a bit about her intentions for going to MC. I know you say she seems to want to go but keeps forgetting, but is she really this forgetful about everything or is she putting it off? I don't know how important it is to you right now or if this is the right time to push it. Just don't be so quick to completely trust what she says at this point.
And about the girl in the running group...so you see what I mean about a healthy level of jealousy?
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Hey, Sam (and pearl)...I was just thinking about you, and I thought I'd check in. I totally agree with pearl about the healthy level of jealously. I sent you a note in the alt the other day, and I mentioned something similar. I think it's good for her to know that there are other options for you besides just hanging around waiting for her to figure out what she wants to do about your marriage!!!
Hope you are doing well and feeling good. I know how frustrating it can be to feel like you are just waiting!!! Hang in there.
Hugs! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
To answer your ?: Yes, she is VERY forgetfull, as well as a little disorganized, always has been. And yes, I did like the hint of jealousy in her question!
Just to fill everybody in on the latest development: Yesterday, she came to pick up the boys at the house. We talked about a bunch of stuff and then before she left, I asked her if she had contacted the MC yet since I had not heard anything. She said she was about to and then remembered that it cost $110 an hour and that she doesn't have any money right now. Especially since she went on vacation and spent too much money and how she shouldn't have gone, etc. etc.. I told her that she did not make a mistake in going on vacation and that I think it did her good, she did agree with that. Also told her that she had told me that she really thought this MC could help her and she agreed and that she really likes talking to her and thinks she can help her. Then I said it was $90 and that we do still have a little bit of savings and that I still have money saved up. I told her that I thought it was important and that money shouldn't be the issue. She said that if you don't have any money, it IS an issue and that she doesn't want me to pay for it because it's her session. Said that if she sells some more stuff at her shop she might have extra money and then she'd be able to go. (Well, I can tell you right NOW that there's NEVER going to be any extra money...) I told her that I didn't think she would have extra money and that it would only be every other month or so and that we would share the costs of course because I want some of the MC's time also. She said that sharing the cost would help, but that it was still a lot of money for her. Then she said ok, why don't you make an appt then. I said that she had wanted to make the appt, so why don't you get in touch with her. She said that she would email her to see what she has available. Last thing I said was that I didn't mind paying for it if she really wants to go and money is the only reason she won't/can't and then I switched subjects. This whole time it looked like she could start crying any minute, so I asked her if she was ok before she drove off and she said yes and then we said goodbye and she left.
I really don't feel like being the driver with the MC again. We'll see if she follows through on making the appt, I don't think I'm asking about it again. She knows the MC is a reliable source of good help and she has to make the decision to seek it. I might go by myself if she ends up not going, just for my own sanity.
After she left I did some thinking about the whole convo and came to the conclusion that her financial sitch really has a depressing influence on her. She's constantly out of money and she has a good salary (I know there a lot of families out there living on less than what she makes). I honestly don't know where all her money goes to. A lot of it is being sunk into her shop I know that and then she does buy a lot little things here and there that add up to a lot over the course of a month (she always has done that, noticed again during our trip).
I think the finances is what changed her attitude last week. We had such a good time on our vacation, then if you look back at what I wrote about Tuesday last week, you'll see that I felt like we turned a page, that's how upbeat she was, asking me about making plans for father's day, about seeing a movie together, hugging me after seeing me for only an hour or so... (she hadn't done that in about a year!) My guess is that she looked at her finances after that and saw in what kind of shape she was and went straight back to depression. She always put that on me, that I always seemed to have money and she didn't. Well, I never spent her money and only asked her to pay her share of the bills. Now, she's not even paying her share of the few bills we are still sharing and she's still out of money... I have NOTHING to do with that!
I can't help but think that the only conclusion you can come to assessing her sitch is that I am not the one making her feel miserable. Quite the opposite, when we were on vacation we just had a great time, relaxing and having fun. She clearly enjoyed that, spending time with me and the kids, asking me if stuff looked good on her, wore her ring a couple of times (noticed that!)... felt great... 4 days after coming back (Tuesday last week), she's all chipper and upbeat, making plans with me, hugging me... And then it's a big nosedive back to depressed state. Well, where did that come from? I didn't change!
Just wanted to add that I found out that she's sent my parents several emails telling them she really loves them and that they are better parents to her than her own, etc... My dad said he emailed her back saying that they love her too. This was before our vacation, just thought that was interesting...
Of course you're not the source of her unhappiness. Hopefully she's come/coming to that realization herself. The counselor would undoubtedly help that so I hope she wants to go.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I guess the bind I am in is that if I pay for stuff I am perpetuating her impression of me having money and she not having any. But sooner or later, she has to come to the conclusion that I am not causing her lack of money. She would have even less money of we split the last couple of bills we (supposedly) still share (and I have been paying for the past 8 months or so).
But there's nothing I cna do about that, so it's not worth getting upset or wondering over...
We are doing stuff together on Sat and Sun anyways.