It has been just about a year since the bomb was dropped on me and I heard the words form my W … "I LOVE YOU, BUT I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU" … "IT IS NOT YOU THAT NEEDS TO CHANGE; IT IS ME THAT HAS CHANGED." … "I WANT TO BE MY OWN PERSON" … "I WANT TO BE INDEPENDENT" … "I WANT A DIVORCE "...ECT ...ECT. Those of you here have heard the same thing from your WAS. Needless to say, like everyone here, I was devastated. I did not know what to do or where to turn for help. Then I found this place. I read other's stories (stichs) and wrote my own. I corresponded with others here, from both side of the fence. There were times early on that I had given up and lost all hope. I was depressed and scared. I felt my world as I have come to know it was over. I came very close to ending my life. If it hadn't been for the encouragement and support I got from the people here, the DB counselors, a few close friends, and my family I would not be here to write this part of my story. I feel that I owe something back to those of you that gave me encouragement, advice and support over the last year. I hope the rest of this post will inspire and encourage others here that have and are going through the same pain as I did. My W and I are back together and we are happier with each other and our lives together than we have ever been before.
This did not happen over night. It took a LOT OF HARD WORK, DETERMINATION, and LEARNING AND RE LEARNING. I read many deferent books. The first was DB and DR. I read both of these at least twice. I read and corresponded with others on the DB forum. I read other titles like Men are From Mars and Women are from Venus. I listened to CDs by Dr. Phil and others. I searched the internet for other sources to help me understand how things should work. I visited with my PC every week for 8 months. I visited with the DB couches. And finally, I followed my heart, which leads me in this direction. These things helped me chart a course that has brought me to this part of my journey. The most important thing I had to learn was PATIENCE. PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE, AND MORE PATIENCE. This was the first thing I had to learn and practice was PATIENCE. This was the hard part. The second thing I learn that I needed to take care of me first, GAL.
In retrospect, there was no one thing I could point to as the silver bullet. However, actions do speak louder than words. I practice this concept and the 180s as much as I could. Eventually, my WAW saw what I had done and was doing with myself and took a big chance, by opening up to me again. Now, I should say this about that. She is a big reason why we are back together again. She took the chance; she opened herself up for more potential hurt, anger and fear. By giving me an opportunity to demonstrate to her that I have change and will continue to change for the better. I will not allow myself to disappoint her. I have made some major changes, she has made changes and we both know that we will have to work on some of these changes from now on. But it is well wroth it. It does take two to Tango. It also take work on a daily bases for both partners to make and keep the positive changes going and to stop the old ways of doing thing that were negative. Did I say something about having PATIENCE?
My STICH has turned out for the better. Regretfully, not all STICH will work out as well as mine has. However, never give-up, as long as you have a chance and you want it to succeed, keep working at it. I hope this post will give you the encouragement that things can get better. Knowing that your STICH can work out for the better. The understanding that knowledge is power and you have the power to learn new things. This forum, the DB coaches and Mechele’s books will give you the knowledge. You will need to supply the determination and intestinal fortitude to carry it out. The other important things to remember are to communicate, trust and follow your heart, and be PATIENCE. A wise lady told me "Things will work out the way they are suppose too." Good Luck to you. I hope your stich will work out the way it is suppose too, in the same way it did for me.
