Hi Mnt, I dont have much to add but have been reading along and agree with all the comments. I'm living each day with more purpose! A plan, a goal, a dream. Just making the most of each day's opportunities! This is exactly how I feel more and more.
I still find myself wondering like you said if H thinks about me etc, but more and more I think he must but just tries to hide it.
Its hard to remember that they probably do watch whats happening with us more than we notice. Its hard to see it as progress bc often I dont think H sees whats really happening. But we feel better in ourselves day by day and that is good pay off for the work. I still can't remember when I lost myself exactly but am slowly getting that back.
And don't worry, I feel semi-insane myself most of the time!
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
Also want to second what Orchid said about not letting others pressure us in what we should or shouldn't do, feel, or accept. Of course everyone around us wants things sorted out in a way that makes "sense" and is less uncomfortable.
I never, ever would have expected to feel the way I do about my H., my M. and our string of events if someone had forecasted this current sitch to me. I had no idea what love for someone else makes you feel you can withstand. I'm not talking about being a doormat or accepting disrespectful behavior, but I have also learned that ultimatums, slammed doors (literal and figuratively speaking a like) left me feeling empty, not empowered, and did not get me what I have learned I really want from life. And the self discovery is, at least, very valuable by product of the all pain.
Its good that in this way we can support and validate eachother. And in reminding eachother that we are not crazy for valuing our M's enough to go through the process, cultivating the best in ourselves and wanting to extend that to all relationships in our lives.
right there with you-
Me 30 H 33 together:10 years married:5 years Separated: 1/23/09 living apart 5 mos and counting "when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"-FDR
Agreed - we have to be true to ourselves, our beliefs.. and it is interesting how we gain power from going thru the process, being patient, letting go... It's really the only thing that gives me peace and comfort. I don't fret about what I'm doing or going to do, as long as I stay focused on GAL and my PMA. So, I guess that's my answer to prayer that I'm doing the right thing, when I feel peaceful about these activities!
I dropped the mail off to H today. He was holed up in the office on FB when I came in, and didn't have much to say. Asking a couple ?s about the bike rack and left. Uneventful, but I think I looked cute! D and I went to see 17 Again and it was fun and not totally predictable. Zac Efron is a cutie for sure!
Traveldane, I really needed to read that post thanks! I was just talking w a friend and she said to me, you dont need to get anyone's approval on what you are doing. And it hit me that it may of come across that way, bc that is so not what i was looking for. I was just saying(complaining really!) that I just can't figure it out or cant figure out what to do.
Mnt glad you were looking good when you dropped the mail off! sounds like you handled it well. Maybe i need to take a page out of your book and stop fretting about what im doing or going to do.
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
Good point! So when we 'vent' to friends/family they may assume we're looking for advice, when really we just want to vent - period. So, when they give us the feedback and it's not what we want to hear, we're disappointed or frustrated!
Perhaps the lesson is to set an expectation with f/f before we vent that it's just that; or maybe don't air it out with them and vent to our C's or this board, etc. instead.
I just wanted to say that if any of you figure out how to tell f/f to just listen...........and it works and that is what they do, please let me know your approach. I tried it several times initially and then finally realized (for me) this is my problem and when I complain to f/f, no matter what I say, my actions seem to convey "Save me. Save Me."
So, I just use this board. And when I falter, oh well. I'm not perfect. I am trying to just pick up and start/try again. That is my expectation of myself. To keep trying without beating myself up and to really listen to my inner voice and trust myself. If it turns out, I'm wrong....ok...pick up and try again.
Sorta corny - I suppose...but, I think its so important for us to be good to ourselves and to support ourselves. So much work for just one person, don't u think? It was easier, in a way, when H was the one being good to me and supporting me....humm..... had not thought of that before....interesting!
I lost another uncle yesterday. He lost a long battle with lung cancer for 3+ yrs. The funeral is Fri. A long time ago he was sexually abusive to most of the nieces in the family. So, there is a lot of emotion involved with the death. For myself, I forgave a long time ago and feel a lot of sadness but no anger. Some of my cousins never came to terms with the sitch, so my thoughts are with them during this tough time as well.
I have to admit I wish my H was here to support me and attend the funeral. The funeral two wks ago wasn't too bad by myself but this one will be harder as I really liked this uncle and was very close with his kids when we grew up. My D16 will go with me so that will help, and my other siblings and their families will be there.
So, it will be okay - I just have a part of me that wishes my H could be there for me too. But he can't, he's still in la-la land. Saw a FB photo on a mutual friend's page with him and my H skiing this week. They must have had to hike quite a ways to find snow as the snow covered peaks are quickly melting with the summer sun.
I am so sorry for your loss, stay strong I know it must be hard without the support from H that you used to have. I'm glad some of your other family will be there with you. I will keep you in my thoughts.
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
I am so sorry for your loss. This will be a very emotional time for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. You have had a tough few months...I am really feeling for you.
