"Yeah real good faith and 50/50...you took them almost two weeks the end of June, you're taking vacation the last week of July, and now this time in August. Doesn't sound like 50/50 to me. And as I always remember and will remind you, you've never been a 50/50 person with me...it's always been more one side than the other, in every situation. And just to let you know, they have back to school registration and Camp Turning Point during this time so they will not be able to go anywhere. You are so selfish and always trying to make yourself look better than me. You've done it for 18 years and you continue to do it. Call it what you want, but I see it for what it is and so do others."
Ok. I would take this approach.
"Wife, you are right. I haven't always been a 50-50 person with you and it has always been more my side than your side. You were always the giver and I was a taker. I am wrong for that and apologize and completely understand why you feel that way and don't blame you. I will make other plans for myself for my time off so that it doesn't interfere with your time with the kids.
That's it. And then I would make other plans. I would suspect that this approach will work much better and she will move in your direction. If not, then do what you said you would do and make other plans.
I hear what you're saying and it applies in my sitch, too, but wonder at what point is that placating W at the expense of the kids? If antlers wants to be with his kids 50% of the time because he believes it is healthier and/or "the right thing" for THEM, would you still advocate this approach, or is your point that you believe merely by taking this position, she will back off because he's showing her he's listening?
-AlexEN
New: What a Weekend
H-48 WAW-49 M-22 S-14,9 D-11 EA disc.-11/07 PA disc.-3/08 EA2?-6/08 to ?
Thanks for your response. I like it. I haven't been taking the bait on any of these responses that she sends to me where she makes accusations, etc. I haven't sparred/argued with her at all! But, I didn't have them for 2 weeks the end of June...we were 6 days in Colorado, then we came back so the kids could spend 3 nights with her, then the kids and I went to Texas for 3 nights. They are going nowhere with me the end of July. And now, it looks like they are going nowhere with me the end of August. I wasn't 50/50 in the past, it was always more one side than the other. But I haven't been like that since the end of last November! She still accuses me of being selfish...again, I haven't been like that since last November! And she accuses me of trying to make myself look better than her...she still accuses me of doing these things...still! She says she sees it and so do others! Notheing could be further from the truth! I know so much more now than I did then, and I'm learning and getting better as more time passes. Should I 'call' her on this stuff, and refute what she's saying about me now...or should I continue to do what I've been doing?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I hear what you're saying and it applies in my sitch, too, but wonder at what point is that placating W at the expense of the kids? If antlers wants to be with his kids 50% of the time because he believes it is healthier and/or "the right thing" for THEM, would you still advocate this approach, or is your point that you believe merely by taking this position, she will back off because he's showing her he's listening?
-AlexEN
I really feel this way, but I'm trying to 'lead' also, and get things headed in a more positive direction. I'm kinda torn as to what approach to take. More feedback/advice would sure be appreciated.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
How 'bout some answers? Any help/advice/feedback/example responses from you folks would sure be appreciated.
I'm going to defer to others on this, as I have a problem myself with "needing to be right" and being inflexible sometimes, so I'd especially like to hear from Gucci, Coach and some of the others on this.
How 'bout some answers? Any help/advice/feedback/example responses from you folks would sure be appreciated.
I'm going to defer to others on this, as I have a problem myself with "needing to be right" and being inflexible sometimes, so I'd especially like to hear from Gucci, Coach and some of the others on this.
Puppy
Me, too, that's why I asked...
But, don't forget to add @Greek to the list of weigher-inners we'd all like to hear from...
New: What a Weekend
H-48 WAW-49 M-22 S-14,9 D-11 EA disc.-11/07 PA disc.-3/08 EA2?-6/08 to ?
I think her dragging in your past behavior is tricky and she can manipulate that indefinitely.
She had her recourse by leaving, now you need to make sure that what you do currently is respectful and in the best interest of the kids and not cow tow. I think it can set a precedent to get on board with the notion that you need to make it up to her with regards to the kids. It is mixing apples and oranges and I feel it in my sitch too. The kids are a separate issue from her feelings about your M.
We all struggle with the "flexibility" issue in relation to the kids. I might try to neutralize by relating to how difficult it is to figure out what is fair and how much flexibility is workable. Some people stick to a a schedule no matter what, some speak almost daily to make plans...it is really a struggle for everyone.
All of that said, Gucci is a pretty tough dude and if he thinks the approach he suggested is appropriate, I would definitely take notice. And, hopefully he can extrapolate on his position. Seriously, he usually takes a very hard line and I believe that he is very methodical. I look forward to his further input.
