Going straight forward...antlers 5th thread.

[aliveandkicking]

What about her saying I'm still selfish and I'm still trying to make myself look better than her...and others' seeing this also?

That is just neener neener neener. She doesn't like herself. I would let that roll and not bite the bait (at least I like to think I would )

[antlers]

What about her saying I'm still selfish and I'm still trying to make myself look better than her...and others' seeing this also?

That is just neener neener neener. She doesn't like herself. I would let that roll and not bite the bait (at least I like to think I would )

That's what I've been doing...just letting it roll off me like water off a duck's back! But, since I'm thinking about 'calling' her on the other stuff about the kiddos...didn't know if I should call her on this too!

[aliveandkicking]

I say no. Apples and oranges, you know?

You are muddying the waters.

I personally think you should be laser focused on your agreement regarding the kids. Get that settled and then you can tackle the other stuff.

[antlers]

I feel like I have been, and am, flexible.

This is too subjective. I think it would help for you two to define what flexible is. It isn't impossible to account for most possibilities.

If she wants to make changes, I'm good with it! She wanted to have them over the Memorial Day weekend, when they were supposed to be with me, so she could go to Texas with them and see her folks...and I said "That's fine. Sounds like you have a nice trip planned...ya'll be safe and have a good time." If she wants to bring them early, or pick 'em up later...that's OK. If she wants to change our schedule for special occasions or to go somewhere, or because she has to work...I'm OK with it. Those are examples of what I meant when I said what I did about me feeling like I have been, and am, flexible.

[antlers]

I say no. Apples and oranges, you know?

You are muddying the waters.

I personally think you should be laser focused on your agreement regarding the kids. Get that settled and then you can tackle the other stuff.

Sound logic! Thanks!

Our agreement with the kids is that we'll share them 50/50...and we have been. And it's really been OK for the most part, under the circumstances. The only flies in the ointment have been regarding taking them on vacation. She doesn't seem to like it when I take them on nice vacations. And she doesn't like it that my work hours allow me to spend more time with the kids when I have them, than her work hours allow her to spend with them when she has them!

[aliveandkicking]

Yes, you go above and beyond and she doesn't acknowledge it and that is why I am saying it is subjective.

I think you both need to understand what the agreement is and what the parameters of flexible are or it just never registers.

How do YOU want these situations handled? What do you consider appropriately flexible on her end? And, do you accommodate her and feel good about it or do you feel like you are trying to "show" her? Because clearly she is not seeing it.

The communication between the two of you is pretty difficult. I think it would help to have some guidelines with regard to the kids. You don't have to agree.

[aliveandkicking]

I say no. Apples and oranges, you know?

You are muddying the waters.

I personally think you should be laser focused on your agreement regarding the kids. Get that settled and then you can tackle the other stuff.

Sound logic! Thanks!

Our agreement with the kids is that we'll share them 50/50...and we have been. And it's really been OK for the most part, under the circumstances. The only flies in the ointment have been regarding taking them on vacation. She doesn't seem to like it when I take them on nice vacations. And she doesn't like it that my work hours allow me to spend more time with the kids when I have them, than her work hours allow her to spend with them when she has them!

Too f'in bad and you are not going to fix this by being "flexible." My d*ckhead H has my kids at a mansion and is basically going to outspend me and wow my kids and he's the one who left. Too bad for me. She's going to have to get it sooner or later.

I still think you need to figure out what is reasonable and stop indulging in the other stuff.

Boundaries that are healthy and reasonable are not punishment or retribution, they are necessary (that's me learning something here :o).

[antlers]

Yes, you go above and beyond and she doesn't acknowledge it and that is why I am saying it is subjective.

I think you both need to understand what the agreement is and what the parameters of flexible are or it just never registers.

How do YOU want these situations handled? What do you consider appropriately flexible on her end? And, do you accommodate her and feel good about it or do you feel like you are trying to "show" her? Because clearly she is not seeing it.

The communication between the two of you is pretty difficult. I think it would help to have some guidelines with regard to the kids. You don't have to agree.

I think her 'flexibility' with me, regarding the kids, is affected by the amount of anger she still has towards me.

[antlers]

I say no. Apples and oranges, you know?

You are muddying the waters.

I personally think you should be laser focused on your agreement regarding the kids. Get that settled and then you can tackle the other stuff.

Sound logic! Thanks!

Our agreement with the kids is that we'll share them 50/50...and we have been. And it's really been OK for the most part, under the circumstances. The only flies in the ointment have been regarding taking them on vacation. She doesn't seem to like it when I take them on nice vacations. And she doesn't like it that my work hours allow me to spend more time with the kids when I have them, than her work hours allow her to spend with them when she has them!

Too f'in bad and you are not going to fix this by being "flexible." My d*ckhead H has my kids at a mansion and is basically going to outspend me and wow my kids and he's the one who left. Too bad for me. She's going to have to get it sooner or later.

I still think you need to figure out what is reasonable and stop indulging in the other stuff.

Boundaries that are healthy and reasonable are not punishment or retribution, they are necessary (that's me learning something here :o).

I share your sentiments regarding your highlighted words, but I don't think it would be good for me to verbalize it that way! Her rational thoughts and cognitive abilities are clouded by the anger that she still has towards me...Coach says that's a good thing BTW!

[aliveandkicking]

Believe me I get where she is at but it is time to get yourself straight on what you think is reasonable and operate from there. Your intentions are good, you know you are coming from a good place, I think you can trust yourself a little more.