Going straight forward...antlers 5th thread.

[antlers]

Believe me I get where she is at but it is time to get yourself straight on what you think is reasonable and operate from there. Your intentions are good, you know you are coming from a good place, I think you can trust yourself a little more.

Thanks AAK for the positive affirmation. I've been doin' pretty good and I'm gettin' there.

[Greek]

What about her saying I'm still selfish and I'm still trying to make myself look better than her...and others' seeing this also?

Be your good fine self. That't the answer to this. Nothing you can say will 'convince' her otherwise. Being your good fine self will speak louder and more convincingly than anything. Besides that, you don't need her seal of approval (or anyone else's) on what you do.

Are you selfish, Antlers? Your opinion is THE one that matters.

Cheers ~~~~

[antlers]

What about her saying I'm still selfish and I'm still trying to make myself look better than her...and others' seeing this also?

Be your good fine self. That't the answer to this. Nothing you can say will 'convince' her otherwise. Being your good fine self will speak louder and more convincingly than anything. Besides that, you don't need her seal of approval (or anyone else's) on what you do.

Are you selfish, Antlers? Your opinion is THE one that matters.

Cheers ~~~~

I'm perfectly good with that...actions speak louder than words.

Nope! I'm not selfish...anymore! I was in the past, but I know so much more now! I'm more compassionate now than I've ever been in my life. I feel more worthy of value, respect, and compassion than ever...and I certainly value, respect, and have compassion for others more than ever too!

[antlers]

OK, I've taken in a lot of helpful information from you folks and I've come up with a response to her last E-mail, and I'd like to run it by you folks before I send it...

"Hi Wife.

This is healthy communication, something I'm working on. If something is not clear, I have a responsibility to bring it up, so we'll both know and be clear on it.

How many nights were we in Colorado in June? Why did I come back from Colorado when I did? Not rhetorical, I really want to know from you why I did that? How many nights were the kids with you after we came back from Colorado? How many nights were we in Texas? Are the kids going with me anywhere the last week of July?

Wife, you are right in that I hadn't been a 50/50 person with you in the past , and it had always been more my side than your side. You were always the giver and I was a taker. I was wrong for that, and apologize, and completely understand why you feel that way, and I don't blame you.

I will make other plans for myself when the kids have Back to School Registration and Camp Turning Point.

Our kids need time with both you and I. They love us both, and need us both."
antlers


Alright. How 'bout some feedback from you good folks? Any advice/criticism/ideas/opinions/examples/etc. would be greatly appreciated!


ps - I didn't even address her saying I was still selfish and always trying to make myself look better than her.

[antlers]

Any help from anybody? I'd be thankful for it.

[Sara]

I like the second part. I don't like the questions at the beginning. They seem antagonistic. I could see them done in conversation, but not piled up one after another in a letter.

[aliveandkicking]

Ya, too much going on and maybe it is because I don't understand the nuances of your original spat...are you telling her clearly what will happen?

I would skip all the questions and even digging up the past and cut to how you think vacations should be handled. Then, ask her if it feels fair. Let her know that this is a work in progress and you recognize it will take time to get in a groove that you are both comfortable with.

I dunno, starting to think that leading and doing it with consideration and empathy is a good start...

Sorry, I am too wiped to really dig in but I think a clear, concise, present and amicable response will be best.

[antlers]

This is what I sent...I took gucci's approach...

Hi Wife.

You are right in that I hadn't been a 50/50 person with you in the past , and it had always been more my side than your side. You were always the giver and I was a taker. I was wrong for that, and apologize, and completely understand why you feel that way, and I don't blame you.
I will make other plans for myself during the times the kids have Back to School Registration and Camp Turning Point. Our kids need time with both you and I. They love us both, and need us both.

antlers


What do you folks think?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I think that's perfect.

Puppy

[antlers]

I think that's perfect.

Puppy

Thanks, man! I got some good advice from folks here regarding this. Collective editing! It's so helpful for people who don't have an emotional investment in the situation to provide an objective perspective.

How ya' doin' PDT?