Charlie Brown Update

[Kettricken]

So, last night didn't go well. When my wife returned home at about 9:15, I had a bath ready (already bubbled and everything), cheese and crackers next to the tub and a good bottle of wine opened and poured (and I was in a robe with hers ready on the bed). She is off today, so I thought we could talk in the tub and she would want to relax after a long few days (plus, I deserve it after a tough three days as well).

Anyway, she walked in, checked her mail, then logged onto her work computer. She took a sip of wine and said she wasn't sure if she wanted to do a tub, did some other work while I waited in our family room, and emerged from the bedroom at about 10 with a toothbrush in her mouth and pjs on (never having even gone into the bathroom that has the tub (in our finished basement, long story). I said, "what is this, I have been waiting for you to do a tub, which is all ready?" and she said she was going to bed and I should do it without her. Not, "I'm really sorry, I know you did a lot to get everything ready, but I am really tired" or something along those lines.

Instead of just pouting, I went into the bedroom and told her that if she wanted to go to bed, fine, but that the way she handled it was really inconsiderate and why. She wasn't happy and had some comment back, but I felt really good that I said it. I didn't backpedal on anything (or take the bath) but drained it, cleaned up, and sat down to at least enjoy my glass of wine.

I am not only pleased I didn't fall into NMMNG, but that I think it was important to say as we head into a discussion about expectations if she stays at home.

Whoa. Dude. About this.

I'm sorry, but the whole thing REEKS of covert contract. You did a whole bunch of mind reading and set up something you thought she'd like. It was *very* thoughtful and considerate, so I'm not questioning the motive, only your response to her response. She told you right out of the gate that she wasn't sure she wanted to do it, but instead of clarifying, you waited and pouted for 45 minutes? And then unloaded on her for not falling delightedly in with your plans? YOU don't get to decide how tired she is or whether the fact that she had tomorrow off has anything to do with anything.

I get being disappointed that she didn't want to join you. Yes, it would have been nice if she had acknowleged your efforts. But there wasn't one thing stopping you from hopping in the tub if you wanted to. She is under no compulsion to spend her time how YOU think she should or risk getting a bunch of attitude from you. So if that kind of thing figures into your "expectations" for her, I'd do a *serious* re-think.

I don't see how this wasn't classic Nice Guy. You unilaterally did something nice for her, you expected gratitude and cooperation, and you were pissed off when you didn't get it. The only thing different was you spoke out about it instead of being all passive aggressive, but IMHO that's merely adding insult to injury. Sorry.