WAW Using God

[Kettricken]

And if a female friend had been her avenue to 'finding God'? Would she be a lesbian then suddenly?

There's no law that says people can't learn *really* valuable stuff from an EA that may, in fact, improve their *marriage* in the long run. But to *justify* it based on that? Uh-uh.

If you believe in God, wouldn't you also believe that His hand's not short, and he could have reached you in a way that didn't threaten/conflict with His own intention for marital fidelity?

This is mere rationalization.

Why is she not willing to commit to (at least) no non-work-related communication and no outside-the-office socialization (including lunches) with OM? Without fuel, the fire goes out.

[givingitmyall]

Malachi 2:16 (New International Version)

16 "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself [a] with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty.
So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.

Not a Bible verse quoter, but that is the one stuck referred to.

pigskin, stuck is dead on here. My W told me she had prayed about our sitch and that she felt D was something she was "at peace with" after "praying about it." Don't think she read this verse, and I'm not sure which "god" told her what she wants to do s all good.

All from the script man.

[pigskin]

And if a female friend had been her avenue to 'finding God'? Would she be a lesbian then suddenly?

Good point, but I have a feeling she'd think "Well he DIDN'T reach me through a female friend, he reached me in the way he wanted me to find Him"

Why is she not willing to commit to (at least) no non-work-related communication and no outside-the-office socialization (including lunches) with OM? Without fuel, the fire goes out.

I haven't pressed her on this since we've been working on the marriage, but that is a good idea. I brought it up when she first dropped the bomb and she replied she is not willing to drop the friendship.

The complication in this is she feels she will crush the OM if she breaks off the friendship since he is in a fragile state as well. He is miserable in his own marriage and his wife treats him poorly and has for years. His wife knows about the EA but is struggling with depression and has only recently agreed to do something about it. But the OMs efforts at home appear to be much different than the positive experience my wife is getting with me. My wife honestly thinks he might do harm to himself if she ends the EA and doesn't want to be the cause of it.

Really messy, but of course a convenient way to avoid making a decision.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

And if a female friend had been her avenue to 'finding God'? Would she be a lesbian then suddenly?

There's no law that says people can't learn *really* valuable stuff from an EA that may, in fact, improve their *marriage* in the long run. But to *justify* it based on that? Uh-uh.

If you believe in God, wouldn't you also believe that His hand's not short, and he could have reached you in a way that didn't threaten/conflict with His own intention for marital fidelity?

This is mere rationalization.

Why is she not willing to commit to (at least) no non-work-related communication and no outside-the-office socialization (including lunches) with OM? Without fuel, the fire goes out.

What Kett said. ^ All of it.

Perfectly stated.

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Why is she not willing to commit to (at least) no non-work-related communication and no outside-the-office socialization (including lunches) with OM? Without fuel, the fire goes out.

I haven't pressed her on this since we've been working on the marriage, but that is a good idea. I brought it up when she first dropped the bomb and she replied she is not willing to drop the friendship.

So, she is placing her friendship above her relationship with her husband.

Good info to know.

Puppy

[Serenity13]

The complication in this is she feels she will crush the OM if she breaks off the friendship since he is in a fragile state as well. He is miserable in his own marriage and his wife treats him poorly and has for years.

Who cares how he feels or his fragile state...

The fool is married and should know better...

Don't start something new until you are finished with the old...

So his wife isn't nice to him? His problem - Not your wifes' problem to take care of...

This sounds just like my husband who started his EA because he "felt sorry" for the girl who was so unhappy in her own marriage...

Fast forward 5 months and I am now on my own because he walked out on me and our 2 boys without a word...

These WAS just really make me so angry...

Like they don't have a care in the damn world.

[MrBond]

Again all script.

Let me guess, she has heard the OM tell her that his W "doesn't understand me" or "I've been helping her so much, I hurt too" blah blah blah.

Yeah but has he sought help for himself? Of course not. He's got your W. She's going to remain in this delusional state for awhile. So you should set a boundary. What are you willing to tolerate? If she doesn't like your boundary, you can always tell her God told you that adultery is wrong and that this is what you have to do. If she questions it, I believe there's that pesky thing called a bible that's got it all written in there.

Sometimes when the WAS says they are looking for a sign from God, makes me want to smack 'em in the head with the bible and say "there's your sign".

[Serenity13]

Amen Stuck

[pigskin]

Again all script.

Let me guess, she has heard the OM tell her that his W "doesn't understand me" or "I've been helping her so much, I hurt too" blah blah blah.

Yeah but has he sought help for himself? Of course not. He's got your W. She's going to remain in this delusional state for awhile. So you should set a boundary. What are you willing to tolerate? If she doesn't like your boundary, you can always tell her God told you that adultery is wrong and that this is what you have to do. If she questions it, I believe there's that pesky thing called a bible that's got it all written in there.

Sometimes when the WAS says they are looking for a sign from God, makes me want to smack 'em in the head with the bible and say "there's your sign".

Thanks for the advice (especially about the bible "belt" LOL). I will begin to set my boundaries starting today.

[Kettricken]

I imagine this feels much more complicated living in the middle of it than it seems from the outside.

Regardless, it's not unknown for a person who has lost or is losing his/her romantic grip on a person to try to retain that grip with need/guilt/woundedness.

What is comes down to, as has been suggested, is: Where Are Her Loyalties?

And, this: "Yeah but has he sought help for himself? Of course not. He's got your W."

What stuck said. Ultimately, she is doing OM no favors either.