It's a beautiful winters day in Cape town. So much so I decided to start this new thread and throw all the baggage away from the last. It's all been taken onboard, sifted, advice taken (all good including the kicks in the pants!) and archived away for future reference.
There's been so many positives over the past week or so that I feel it's much more important to concentrate on them and use the energy gained to improve myself and, by doing that, my situation further.
Somethings happened to me and I'm not sure what - but it feels great.
Just a recap to show how I've changed with the 180's in my attitude and outlook on life.....
My wonderful wife SMS's this morning saying thank you for the money. First thing she did was go pay bills and buy food. She is far more practical than I remember her being just a few short weeks ago. Or was that me just being short-sighted in the past? She really is a gem of the highest order.
W had a shock when one account had to be paid for last month as well - and had the slip to prove it if I needed it. She said she didn't have money left for toiletries. I feel for her so much (no sarcasm here I promise).
She's still asking for some sort of fixed arrangement which I'm happy to deal with. She's trying her very hardest to sort out her budget - something that I always used to do. I told her I was expecting her last night to finalize the financial problems. W said that she would make a time and a date after I had told her she didn't need to make an appointment.
I'd really like her not to have that sort of pressure on her. If it's the only thing she will allow me to do then great.
She went on in the next SMS that I used to buy the toiletries for her and she couldn't do without. W also mentioned that she can't work on "maybes". - Maybe next month you have more money. W said again that we need to work out a fixed payment and that she cannot expect other people to look after her. Agreed.
I withdrew the cash and decided to drive down and give it to her. Nobody home.
Drove back and parked up. Picked up cell and called her. We had a long 5 minute chat - very normal and quite pleasant. I asked how she was doing, she asked me how I was. W was still in Melkboss I think. I still think she's found a job but can't prove it. Every time I call her I hear shopping trollies and cash registers.
W wanted me to drop off the cash at the local pub. Said I wasn't happy because things "go missing" behind the bar - even things that are firmly bolted down. W said she would pick it up later. Said fine. More chit chat and rang off.
Decided to make up a care kit. As well as the money, a cell phone top up (with note saying it would be nice if she felt she could use some of it to call me), an old remote with HUSBAND REMOTE written on it - one button labeled "KEEP QUIET" and another "LISTEN". I think she'll appreciate that. An opened jar of Marmite spread with a note "if you want the rest it's on the cheese and biscuits in our fridge from last night". A Kinder Egg - she loves collecting the toys. And a few other bits and bobs. Hope she enjoys going through the bits. She always liked surprises.
Later (about 1:00) I get another SMS asking why I hadn't left the money.
Why? Because "friend" was there and had been asked to pick it up. I called W and said I didn't realize someone would have been there to pick it up so soon and I would make a plan. I expressed my concerns about going to the pub and seeing "friend" - she was no fan of mine. W reassured me that "friend" was okay and had told her that this was between W & I. I really didn't believe that. Now I'm not so sure. I'm actually swaying to the fact that W means it. She also said I had to deal with appology or whatever with "friend" as it was my problem.
So I girded my loins and went off to the pub. "Friend" was there - gave me BIG BEAMING SMILE as I walked in. I asked if she was okay, bought us both a beer and went on to a two hour conversation with her She dumped all her woes from work on me and I found myself applying DB techniques on how she should handle the boss from hell. Unbelievable. I knew I could do with practicing Db techniques but I never expected to be able to do this with the "friend". I get the feeling now that it really is between me and my beautiful wife.
W will be a bit miffed that her care package was delayed in arriving but boy was it worth it.
And W said two more things - she wasn't at the pub because she didn't have money to sit and drink and she would drop a copy of her CV for me later. Lots of thank you's.
Oh - I spent yesterday and this morning paring away my accounts. One of the Internet ADSL lumps got dropped - I found I wasn't using the laptop anywhere near as much as I used to - another thing that bugged my W. Sat TV trimmed down. Few other things that we can well do without.
Made sure I told "friend" about all this lot - she can see a difference in me - just hope she passes it on.
I actually had a great time with friend (note dropping of "") She even asked about our goldfish (W's called Fin may not make it he was stuck to the intake pipe when I got home). Going to apply max TLC and pray for the poor little thing. The strange thing is that the other one is cuddling up to the sick one as though he/she can feel what Fin is going through.
BTW - this is the woman who unloaded a torrent of abuse in my direction a few weeks ago. I have a very strong feeling that friend did help W last time, is helping W this time (even if it's only not actively agreeing with everything) and had no time for me because of what W told her.
I asked our bestest and oldest friend who was our bridesmaid if she thought I was any of the things I'd been called.
Answer - no not at all.
I know you're going to say what's outside the house and what's inside the house can be two totally different realities and that I must deal with my wife's perceptions.
I'm going to do that to the highest degree possible every day and in every way. SHMG.
Thanks Kittyfish - thats me all over - just don't do it enough!
I hear your heads up about the cash. Thanks for that from someone who "was there". I really feel that she does need it and I'm not going to make her desperate by begging for it. What sort of a villain do you take me for?
Two reasons:
1. Hope it will take some of the attraction away of staying with her friend (not so reliant on her any more).
2. I think this will prove that I'm not so "tight fisted" as I used to be. Nothing she is doing with the cash is frivolous - she's becoming very level headed with cash. Working out it no longer grows on trees. What was I doing in the past that made her see me as "moaning" about money? Will put my thinking cap on for that one.
I also see that she's no longer using the "or else" anymore. No threats of going to the maintenance court. And there are what I consider to be heartfelt thanks for helping. In fact the money she was "demanding" has progressively dropped from R3700 to R3000 and now R2500. Where are we going with this?
This was the one I got this morning after the care pack arrived:
"Hi Ken, would just like to say thank you for the money, airtime and cables. I really do appreciate it. Have a nice day and enjoy the weekend"
The cables are USB extension cables - she couldn't charge her iPod or play music for all this time - must have driven her NUTS. She loves her music.
I'm going to be bumping into her tonight at the local pub. It's prize draw night!
1st prize: Meat Pack 2nd prize: Bottle of Bells (W favourite) 3rd prize: R300 (about $45 in real money)
I'm going to do a few things. Greet friend and thank her for making yesterday turn a great day into a fabulous day - really enjoyed the chat and hope I helped.
Buy myself a drink that I never would have - Whiskey and Coke. That IS going to surprise her. I may even ask if I can buy her a drink, order two of the same and split the coke :-)
I've also got something in reserve. I have the chance to go up country to a wine farm and stay over the weekend. This would be a problem - we have two dogs. I'm going to tell her I've been asked and want to go (another 180), ask if she wants to join in and if not if she would look after the dogs for the weekend.
Met Philip - very good friend in the supermarket by chance. Could have gone home bit went instead to brothers house (plural). SO glad I did. Had a fabulous night with them and they are coming to visit tomorrow.
11:30 ish local time (6ish hours ahead of you) - you'll be on dreamland - which is where I'm heading after trying to cook a decent meal of crumbed chicken breast, garlic baby potatoes and freezer surprise :-)
BTW - W not there - no CV as promised - but that's fine.
FAB night and thats what counts at the moment.
Have a very blissful night full of sweet dreams one and all and now back to the cooker :-)
She dumped all 
