Sandi2, Coach, Puppy and Gucci help!

[Bravehardt]

Sandi

No, I would not do anything like that. It would show that she is on your mind too much. Can't she check it when she comes to the house?

Yes she does get it when she comes by. But since she made the decision to move on wouldn't forwarding the mail send her a message as well- like you've moved on so heres your bills.

[sandi2]

Oh bills.....yes do forward those to her. I thought you meant just personal emails from others.

I think I really did stir you up! I wasn't trying to ruin your day. I did, however, want you to see this from an outsider's POV. When you are hurting so badly in a stitch, it's often hard to see the reality of it.

I think what you wanted to say to her about the schedule is fine. I don't know about the word "distraction" or not. That is the only part that I would be hesitant. Maybe say something to the effect that it is important to keep the kids in as stuctured environment as possible since the S and having a scheduled visitation seems fair to everyone. However, sound like "you" and not me. If you've already sent that message, then don't worry about it. Not trying to play on "words" that much. Just thinking like a woman...lol.

[Bravehardt]

Sandi

I just ignored my wife’s text yesterday afternoon, but got this one later in the day.
(You seem like your purposely keeping D 6 busy so that I can't see her. I've talked to you before about having her call me and I just get one call from her yesterday. I haven't seen her since last friday. Your hurting me, but also hurting her in the long run. Your trying to be the fun parent. This is not fair to me or her when I have made myself avaliable and u repeatly deny me. I am her mother.)

My purposed response not sent yet.
(It’s unfortunate you feel that way. We are not sitting around. It's their summer vacation and yes they are busy. On Tuesday I requested you to give me a couple of days advance notice if you would like to see them. It’s not fair for you to think you can just pop in or call a few hours before you want to see the kids and then expect them to be available. This needs to stop, because the kids and myself have established a structured way of living. Please share your schedule with me. I will then work something out around my schedule so you can visit.
As far as me having D 6 call you, give me a break. When was the last time you called her and left her a message or sent her a text?........ Why didn’t you return her call Saturday or all those time in the past? ……….. I cannot bear to see the hurt in her eyes and disappointment on her face each time she calls and only gets your voice mail. I’m not being hurtful to D 6.)

What do you think?

[The Wifey]

Your purposed response not sent yet, edited:

It’s unfortunate you feel that way. It's their summer vacation and yes they are busy. On Tuesday I requested you to give me a couple of days advance notice if you would like to see them. It’s not fair for you to think you can just pop in or call a few hours before you want to see the kids and then expect them to be available.

The kids and myself have established a structured way of living. Please share your schedule with me. I will then work with you and around my schedule so you can visit.

As far as me having D 6 call you, I have. I cannot bear to see the hurt in her eyes and disappointment on her face each time she calls and only gets your voice mail.

I would suggest you call her and leave her a message or send her a text if she doesn't answer. And, if she leaves you a message, it would be appreciated if you could return her calls, also.

This is less inflammatory, yet still gets your points across.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Much better!

[Bravehardt]

Wifey,
Thanks for the reply, very good. But I got an itchy trigger finger and already sent my original response. I;ll have to live with out come.

[Bravehardt]

HELP....ANYONE
Her response.....(I have called her but you don't answer your phone. unlike u when i'm working cant answer have my phone on me. Maybe if D 6 daddywas giving her mommy some money she wouldnt be working 80 hours a week. Just like you, my schedule is not known. I under stand your schedule is a priority as U are living with our children. this is the only u can hurt me is through our children. Someday u will see this and one day when they r grown they will see it to.)

Please help me disect and respone.

[The Wifey]

Ok Bravehardt, I'll try.

I have called her but you don't answer your phone.

What you sent was imflamatory. The give me a break part of it got her dander up. It would mine.

unlike u when i'm working cant answer have my phone on me.

Fair enough explanation, however completely disregarding the fact that she didn't return D's call.

Maybe if D 6 daddywas giving her mommy some money she wouldnt be working 80 hours a week.

You hurt me so I'm going to hurt you back. I am throwing money in your face as a threat. I've talked to someone that says you should be paying me (an acquaintance, not a lawyer) and I feel entitled.

Also a mention of the 80 hour week is that she now sees it isn't a bed of roses to go out on her own.

Just like you, my schedule is not known. I under stand your schedule is a priority as U are living with our children.

Again, fairly lucid response.

this is the only u can hurt me is through our children. Someday u will see this and one day when they r grown they will see it to.

Again, expressing hurt and frustration. Another threat also, what she will tell the kids.


Now listen to me carefully.....

DO NOT RESPOND RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your emotions and hurt and frustration and anger are getting the best of you and you are doing it wrong.

No one gets to the point of wanting to walk away lightly. Even with a MLC, there is some basis of truth to what made her unhappy, made her feel trapped or whatever. IF you are still at the point that you can say you understand how she could feel that way yet still react without pausing, then you have to work more.

This is the woman you fell in love with, married and had children with. You want her to reconsider and make an effort. Do you think the message you just sent put you closer to or farther away from that?

She is not 100% right and she is not 100% wrong, and neither are you.

[Bravehardt]

Wifey,

Thanks. I need help toning down my response but don't want to get walked over either. So looking at your post am I to understand that it ok for her to be irrational in the way she request something from me or responds to me and that I should just ignore her hoopla.

I'm trying to establish some livable boundries for myself and be resonable with her. She has talk up the 50/50 legal side in the past but when I try to get some close to that she alway reverts back to the money.

Do you think the message you just sent put you closer to or farther away from that?

Farther...but it seem like everything does , thats why I have not been responding back to her on anything, ecept the kids.

Please understand most of her text was poppy cock. She told D 6 6 weeks ago she was going to buy her a cell phone. Never happened. She said she would visit evey other weekend with them and give me a break. She has offer to help out financial with D 14 marching band requirements. None of it has happened . It all about convience to her.

My response didn't seem to jabby to me, but I'm here to learn. I guess I'm still trying to understand what she wants exactly.

[The Wifey]

Wifey,

Thanks. I need help toning down my response but don't want to get walked over either.

Put away the big guy tent. She is in total upset mode and you are afraid of getting walked over? Stop that for just a second.

The best response to a nasty text, voice mail, conversation, email is dead silence. No need to go to war. It doesn't help either side and nothing gets resolved this way.

So looking at your post am I to understand that it ok for her to be irrational in the way she request something from me or responds to me and that I should just ignore her hoopla.

She IS Going to be unreasonable as long as she thinks you are going to fight her every step of the way. And no, you don't have to ignore it. Respond, but not in kind.

If she is curt and nasty, you be that much more civil. If she wants to goad you into a fight you let her know you will talk to her at a time when she is under control. Time out, can't talk now, I'll talk to you when you can talk to me calmly. Say it once and if it continues you say goodbye.

I'm trying to establish some livable boundries for myself and be resonable with her.

These words sound great, but what you sent had a few digs in there to "get her." That isn't any more reasonable that the whole sitch.

She has talk up the 50/50 legal side in the past but when I try to get some close to that she alway reverts back to the money.

And every time you send a zinger it will come up again.

Do you think the message you just sent put you closer to or farther away from that?

Farther...but it seem like everything does , thats why I have not been responding back to her on anything, ecept the kids.

So you knew it would put you farther away, but because you assume everything does you decided to go for it?

Come on, now. What you wanted to say was reasonable, minus the zingers. If you are going to respond to anything, write it and then put it aside. DO NOT ever do this when you are emotional. Go back and look at it and write it as politely as if you are sending it to a customer.

With respect, with her and your dignity intact.

Please understand most of her text was poppy cock. She told D 6 6 weeks ago she was going to buy her a cell phone. Never happened. She said she would visit evey other weekend with them and give me a break. She has offer to help out financial with D 14 marching band requirements. None of it has happened . It all about convience to her.

I know, I know. But you are going to be the bigger person here. Because that is best for everyone concerned, especially your kids.

I highly doubt it is all about convenience, either. I think its more about reality hitting home. There are bills she has to pay, thus the 80 hour weeks, and things are harder than she imagined they would be.

Let her reality work in YOUR favor by being the better person. Be nice. Play nice. Insist on nice.

My response didn't seem to jabby to me, but I'm here to learn. I guess I'm still trying to understand what she wants exactly.

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