I'm not here to neccessarily argue about love dare principles, but you are already confused enough about DB principles, so why mix in something (if I understand it correctly) is designed for M improvement. You are tying to bust a divoce. You are past the stage for the "improvements".....especially in the opinion of your Wife!! What I mean is that a lot of people get these two ideas (books) and the principles confused (it seems) and you are trying to figure out about "detaching". Forget the love dare approach! Before anyone comes unglued reading this.....I'm not putting that book down! I'm just saying to stick to what you have here--in order to keep it less confusing. When your W comes back into the M and she's willing to "work".....THEN you can start applying the love dare principles.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Seriously, I think it's fine for two people who are RECONCILING, who are BOTH committed to beginning anew and working at the marriage, and one of them has been emotionally neglectful in the past. But when one is wayward, it's classic DBing no-no of pursuing.
Sandi What I should have said is that, The ideas from the love dare are for myself to practice for my piece of mind (Love is patient, kind, not selfish, ect). I tried the love dare stuff before I found this place. It did not go as well as I would have liked it to. She did notice a few things, but some of the dares were pursuing to an extent.
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
If there was one thing I learned from the "Love Dare" and Fireproof it's that we have to just trust in God and let our spouses come to their own decisions.
The message of "changing for you" is a great one in the film and in DB.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I have to agree with you on the pursuing end of it completely. A friend of mine lent me the movie, after I told him about my sitch. I then bought the book. He was trying to be helpful. At the time my wife had only one foot out the door. I got to about day seven and keep it up till I found this site, I probablly wasted a lot of time on it. If a couple were to get back together, like you said, I think it has some exellent ideas to follow.
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
If there was one thing I learned from the "Love Dare" and Fireproof it's that we have to just trust in God and let our spouses come to their own decisions
This is very true.
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
That's how you should deal with her. Civilly, with courtesy, but not expecting anything in return other than her duty to the children
Can you elaborate on this a little more. My W only has duty to herself and appears to think about the kids only if something better isn't going on.
Also, I believe I read in someone's post, that you think the LBS should bust up EA/PA if they can. My W has claimed several times she is not under the influence of anyone (man, woman or friend) and denies any involment in a EM/PA. I feel otherwise due her lack of willingness to communicate with me and the slight contact she has with our children.
Her cell bill shows streaks of activity with calls and text to OM. They can be daily or upto a week or more apart, lately (I only know this after Coach asked me about cell bill last week, I looked on Friday for the first time since May). Also it appears that call are originating from the city where OM lives every other weekend.
She In the past, the way she responded to me when I asked her about an A with someone else to her face says otherwise. She won't look me in the eyes, sideways body position, deflecting it back to me, the usual BS. How does this work and is it worth it to attempt to do? Are the results favorable?
I do have some intel on suspected OM.
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
My thought are all over the place. It hard to complete them somedays.
Let me ask you about documenting everything. I started in the past but quit. What's the quickest way to get it done? I'll be pulling from memory and text messages for much of the dates and such. Thanks.
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
