Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Yesterday she text me to see if she could come by today late in the day to see all the kids.
I agree.
This morning she text and says she'll be over around 12. D 6 and me won't be home.
I texted her back that 4 pm is better.
She replies she would be over sooner.
I text back that she requested to visit late in day and that is what is acceptable to me.
She replies that with Unless u have a court order saying what time I'm allowed in my house you cannot stop me.
I did not reply.
She calls me an hour later and says a bunch of bs that eluded to I'm in denial about our sitch. I told her that I have been very accomodating to her with all her request. I've been taking care of our children and everything else. When she talks about 50/50 and does not help me out, I have only request a handful of things from her such as helping with the kids and sharing her schedule so we can plan out the days she can visit. She just turns it around and throws it back at me like it my fault.
I suggest that we can approach this civilly and she replies at this point no we can't and asked me for our last five years tax returns. Which I replied I'll get you copies later. She replied she would just take them and make copies today. I removed them from our home.
She is heading over to the house, nothing I can do.
I cannot put up with this any more. I"m ready to file.
I need suggestion and help from anyone right now.
What is going on I set a couple little boundries and she freaks out.
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
Yesterday she text me to see if she could come by today late in the day to see all the kids.
I agree.
This morning she text and says she'll be over around 12. D 6 and me won't be home.
I texted her back that 4 pm is better.
She replies she would be over sooner.
I text back that she requested to visit late in day and that is what is acceptable to me.
She replies that with Unless u have a court order saying what time I'm allowed in my house you cannot stop me.
I did not reply.
You did not communicate with her. She wanted to see all the kids. You should have just told her what time all the kids would be home. You just gave a command in her eyes, "4 pm is better."
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She calls me an hour later and says a bunch of bs that eluded to I'm in denial about our sitch.
Did she come out and say you are in denial? Sounds like both of you are mind readers (assume what the other is thinking) that's a by-product of poor communicating.
What exactly are your boundaries?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
She has been just dropping in at random trying to see D 6. She has called me at the last minute over the past week to come by and see D 6. She has not deen her for a good week.
I asked her to start sharing her schedule with me again because the kids and I have a structured way of living. I just want to have a set of days that will work for everyone.
She has stay at the house with the kids a handle full of times. But it has not worked for my schedule the last couple of time and she saisd that I owed her an explination..... it just did not work for me tonite sorry.
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
Did she come out and say you are in denial? Sounds like both of you are mind readers (assume what the other is thinking) that's a by-product of poor communicating.
Yes she did say I was in denial.
Poor communication or last minute communication on her part.
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
Take a deep deep breath (you've heard this all before)...
Listen to her. Just listen (I wish I was in your position!).
She wants to say things to you. They may be bs but it's her bs. Validate her points of view (even though you don't agree). Be calm. Don't try to even think "but"! and try to make your point of view. Don't put any demands on the table. Not the time. This is the result of what you've been doing all along.
I would LOVE my W to vent. You are so lucky. Handle it.
Listen to her. Just listen (I wish I was in your position!).
All I her right now is D is looming...............
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This is the result of what you've been doing all along.
Please explain
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
Communicate your schedule and let her know good times to see the kids. Don't tell her what is acceptable that sounds too judgemental/preachy. Give her information. Let her know why last minutes plans wont' work. Has this been a issue before, you being too rigid and her too impulsive? If so then it is a 180 opportunity.
She tells you are in denial then you calmly state, "You don't know what I am thinking or feeling right now. If you want to know then ask but please don't assume you know my thougths." This is her mind reading, she fills in the blanks because probably in the past you didn't let her know what you were thinking or feeling- Yes?
She is stressed and you are adding to it. Ask her "How can I help you see the kids more?" Then just listen, if she spews then let it roll off your back until she gives a solution. How would you handle a upset sub-contractor?
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
