It feels like a giant tug of war with our D 6. I've been trying to work and take care of all of our children. Can she expect me to just jump when she call or text and want the kid to be there? I'm just trying to make this work for everyone.
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
How do I handle her just coming over to the house? This seems to be the cataylist to set her off more than seeing the kids. I've requsted that she call before coming over. She would not like it if I just showed up at her place.
Should I just ignore it?
Is she just trying to see what were upto?
I thought I might texted her this:
I know this is your home, and while I understand that you are entitled to come over. Could you tell me the what time you are planning to arrive. That way I can make sure your Ds are here.
Last edited by Bravehardt; 07/22/0908:07 PM.
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
What is the show -stopper for her coming during the summer to see the kids? What can't be worked around right now except you at work? Ask her if you can bring the kids by her place whenever you have some free time.
Quote:
I know this is your home, and while I understand that you are entitled to come over. Could you tell me the what time you are planning to arrive. That way I can make sure your Ds are here.
I understand you want to see the girls. I want to make sure they are all home when you come by. Their schedules are busy in and out of the house. I would not want you to waste your time and stop by if we are not home. Here are some times the girls will be home together __________. If that doesn't work let me know when you are free and I can get them by to see you.
Can you take them to have lunch/movie/dinner with her? Give your wife the girls schedules. Don't tell her what she is entitled to.
Handle it. Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
You can just politely tell her that you had plans and that you will see her at the time you specified. If she continues to make a fuss, stop her before she starts to rant and tell her that you are not discouraging her and just tell her that she is the one who chose to live like this so she should not be angry. It was not your choice to live like this.
Again, talk to her very straightforward without a condescending tone. We all have to get over this anger phase with our WAWs. My W did the same thing. While we were S, we went to an exhibit that she agreed to go to and we had a good time, but when I dropped her off at her sister's place, she called to rant at me about how I should not have let my sister watch the kids while we were gone. I told her exactly what I said above and she stopped. She knew that it was her.
The key is to stop them before they go on their venomous rant. You can agree with them on points such as how hard it is on them. But stand your ground when it comes to them blaming you. You don't have to throw the blame back on to them, but just gently stop them before it escalates.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Please don't take me out of context. What I meant is that what you have been working for so hard with your DB'ing and not what you are expecting/thinking/dreading to happen.
I'm so sorry if I came over wrong. My sincere apologies.
Thanks for the replies! And everyone else out there.
Quote:
What is the show -stopper for her coming during the summer to see the kids?
She won't agree to anything I propose, it's her way or she becomes very agitated. The kids are back in school in two weeks, she has had the girls spend the night once at her place and she has stayed once or twice at our. The W took D14 and S17 to Sub Way last week. She has not attempted to be part of their live unless she has nothing better going on. Fourth of july the kids call her and she doesn't respond till Sunday all in a huff to see them. Her cell records show shes out of town in same city as OM address, texting and making calls all day on the 4th. But none to kids. She has this secret shifting work schedule. I have offered many different ways for her to see the kids.
Quote:
What can't be worked around right now except you at work?
Right now I have to set up child care for D 6, I need set this up on Sundays with my network of family and friends. The wife had been writing down the days she could be there for them on a calander at our home several weeks back and quit doing it.
Quote:
Ask her if you can bring the kids by her place whenever you have some free time.
I have not tried this approach yet. We just found out where she lives like 3 weeks ago. She has gone under ground, and when she surfaces for air she locks her sight on D 6 with a vengance.
So I went home around 3:40 this afternoon with D 6. D 14 was at home as well as W. D 6 is elated to see her mom, W says high I reply in kind way. D 6 disappears and W and I are alone. The W says I notice a missed call from you whats was up. I told her that I don't understand why we are on different pages all the time when we communicate. Sheagrees it seems that way. I said that I was trying to make sure D 6 was her when she arrived today, that is why I said 4 would be better. She replied that wasn't a concern she just wanted to come over. I said your text referes to D 6. she disagreed I let it go. I let her know that I wasn't keeping D 6 purposely bbusy like she had stated on Sunday. She replied well it seems that way, I have offered to see her many times over the last week.
I said it did not work out in our schedule with such short notice. Then I used the Coachs words "How can I help you see the kids more often?" The silence was lasted till D 6 returned 4 minutes later. She never answered the question.So I got up and left.
Then D 6 says to W and I that she wants to go swimming and spend time with both of us in the pool. I went outside to clear thoughts for a few minutes. The W and D 6 are in the kitchen when I return and W says do you have a Lowes or Home Depot card still. I say why, she says to me that she needs to buy a fan,,,,,,,,WTF(in my head only guys I know better) I just kissed D 6 and left for 2 hours.
When I returned I showered, threw on some new threads and said good buy to everyone, W says are you going somewhere, why yes I'am. She says remeber I leave for work at 1am. Ok see ya. So here I am sending this out to you guys and doing some GALing and a couple of cold one.
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
No worries I was just freaking out. I need to remeber not to listen to wifes threats,(she's only a hard @ss when shes texting or on the phone).
The venting I over looked. I need to start validating, I need to get some lines memorized. I read somewhere when the W is (Mad its Good and when she Happy its Not, concerning the sitch) or something like that.
Thanks for the chin up attitude.
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
I've only had one over the past 22 years, I had to run him over with the backhoe......Just kidding?
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
