Saw wife tonight at son's kickball game. My daughter was wearing a new pair of tennis shoes that I had bought for her, and my wife didn't like them. I heard her telling my daughter that she didn't like them. My daughter also has a friend spending the night with her (the kids are with me right now). Well, I got a nastygram from my wife tonight via text. Here it is...
"I can not believe you bought daughter those awful shoes. Well I take that back. Yes I can since you buy them whatever they want. I do not want her dressing like that. I want her to dress like a girl not a boy or bum. And those make her look that way. She needs to take pride in her appearance. That shows her pride as being sloppy. Don't buy her that type of clothing or shoes anymore. If you're unsure then ask older daughter. Stop giving into them. It doesn't make you a better person like you think it does."
My response was this...
"No, I don't think I'm a better person for buying them stuff. And no, I don't think I am better than you. I think we are both good parents who love our children."
Youngest daughter has been dressing like this for some time, whether she is at her mother's place or mine. She dresses the same at either place.
I didn't intend to defend, or argue...and I didn't. But, she was also mind reading (telling me what I was thinking), and I corrected her on that...per Coach.
Any thoughts or advice...anyone? Thanks.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I could be way off base here, but if the shoes make your D happy, and they aren't causing her any harm (how could they), then to he!! with your W's issues with them. Doesn't sound like it's really about the shoes.
Is it a control issue for your W?
Quote:
It doesn't make you a better person like you think it does
I could be way off base here, but if the shoes make your D happy, and they aren't causing her any harm (how could they), then to he!! with your W's issues with them. Doesn't sound like it's really about the shoes.
Is it a control issue for your W?
Quote:
It doesn't make you a better person like you think it does
Sounds like jealousy to me. Or guilt?
Sounds like you handled it perfectly.
They aren't bad...just some hi-top Converse's with some splatter paint on them. Also, our kids really like being over here...they have lots of friends in the neighborhood...neighborhood kids are over here all the time. Daughter has a friend spending the night with her tonight, and she was with us at the kickball game tonight. None of that when they are at their mom's place.
This way of communicating with her...listening and validating...and NOT arguing or defending, is very different from the way I've communicated with her in the past.
There may be some jealously or guilt...I don't know.
I feel like the response was OK too! Thanks.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Must have been hard not to take the bait... but you handled it very well. Nice job!
You know what mnt_dreams...it wasn't hard at all! This kind of stuff has happened many times since our separation. She'd be very angry at me (deservedly), and spew all over me...sometimes really bad and hurtful stuff. And, over time, I've gotten to where I handle it better and better.
I think I did OK this time. Thanks.
ps - I'm keeping up with ya'. Hang in there! We can do it!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I wouldn't have responded at all. I would never respond to simple button-pushing, and that's all she was doing.
If I did, then a "Gee, I'm very sorry you feel that way -- gotta go, ttyl!" would have been good.
But that's just me.
Puppy
I only responded to her mindreading...where she was telling me what I think! I didn't respond at all to the other parts of her text. I agree with you about not responding to simple button-pushing. I normally don't. But Coach says that whenever they mindread, that you need to correct them on it...so that's what I did.
How are things going with you, man?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
