So glad to see you here again even though I know it is not under the circumstances you would like. Maybe the layoff is a blessing in disguise...time to move away from what you know. Change like that is difficult and scary to say the least but you can always go back. Moving forward is the hard part.
Drop by when you can, to say I have missed you in an understatement.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
No, XW doesn't seem willing to give me up completely, but I think that's her style. I think she needs to feel like she isn't at fault and the D was good all the way around, and so she wants to be friends and co-workers. What she hasn't picked up on yet is that I'm always asking her questions and she's always talking about herself - I don't share anything anymore.
but who cares about her. I'm trying to move forward but it seems like I should be getting more out of the stuff I do. Instead it feels like I'm just going through the motions. Like there's a hole in me that can't be filled. That's why I feel stuck.
Hey lodo, Have you tried DBms Anonimums? Gosh, we keep coming back here, arent we? In fact, some of us never left
Everything turns out OK in the end, if it is not ok, then it is not the end yet. My new moto. True about everything, including job situation... I always thought you were a famous writer compiling lost receipes and writing books... Oh well, can I have some of your fine Merlot please? xxx K
yep - back for more. Well, it's good to chat with people who know.
I like your motto; I might have to adopt it myself. But you've forgotten ... merlot? I'm more of a Syrah kinda guy. Besides, isn't this your coffee time?
Hey was just thinking of you yesterday, since you = Greece to me. Saw a very cool pic of the Panagiotis shipwrecked on Zakynthos island.
Not much new to report, other than XW invited me over for drinks and to discuss some work stuff. It'll be the first time I've set foot in our house in over a year. But I really do feel like I'm the bigger person and have banished all thoughts of our past life from my mind. I may turn it into something that needs to be commented on here, but I feel nothing. I suppose that's the best that can be imagined; that couples who co-parent children try really hard to reach this kind of comfortable impasse.
Something tells me that isn't the case with XW and that I need to watch my step with her, but I'm not sure. She's so good at burying her feelings, I doubt she knows why she wants to maintain a connection with me. But she seems to want to maintain a connection. As long as it keeps some money rolling in, I'm happy for the work. I doubt she can be very satisfied with the conversations, though, since I give very little of myself and at some point she's going to realize she only talks about herself. Maybe not.
Anyway, hope everyone is doing well - enjoy these last weeks of summer before fall rears its inevitable head.
went over to XW's. It was fine. Strange - she's so much more set in her ways than she ever used to be. Not sure why she wants to maintain a relationship, but she seems to want to. Me, I don't care one way or the other. Another odd thing - the last few times we've gotten together, she seems to need to make a point of saying something about how we're no longer together - either by mentioning someone didn't know we'd split or saying she did something herself that she used to rely on me for, etc. - not sure why. But, I couldn't read her mind when we were married, why should I be able to read it now?
It left me feeling sub-par, though. She seems to have it all together, to have tons of friends, to be succeeding. I feel isolated, am laid off, feel like a failure. On the other hand, I know she has a problem forming deep relationships, so I'd like to think she's all show and no substance. But why compare? Our lives are totally separate now. I just need to worry about myself.
But I think about all the sitches I've read here, and my own sitch. There are so many of us who've stood for our marriages and taken the subsequent blows. Is that so wrong? Were we just being doormats? I don't know anymore. But I did read a good essay in today's NYT about standing for your marriage:
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One thing I've realized - I'm fine with being alone but I'm scared of not being a success in a creative career. I don't care anymore whether my XW or someone like her rejects me because I'm not on a fast-track management position. I want to create. But that desire is so strong, I'm scared to do it for fear of failing. Well, no more. I'm going to pursue it. And when my severance package runs out, I'll re-evaluate. If I can't make it, so be it - I'll go back to working for someone else. But maybe this is the push I need to stop being a doormat.
I have to ask, though - is standing for your marriage being a doormat? Read the article and you tell me.
