I do think I caught her attention. Others I talk to regularly have also said that she may have been at ease for a while, since I was always a good backup plan in case things did not work out on her own. Now, she may have gotten the message that I won't be here forever and I am fine with moving on.
As far as the trigger for the relapse: I don't think I know any specific thing that I did that could have caused that. I think she's just riding the rollercoaster still.
She may now finally have some time to think about things without too many distractions. StepS13 has to mave back to his dad because of our sitch also. A lot of consequences have been coming to her attention lately (that's through my eyes tho...)
In the mean time, I am just assuming that she's done and that we're as good as divorced. I am not looking for dates or anything yet tho. I do feel that if she decided to work on our M at this point, it's not a lost cause for me and I do still enjoy her company. But it won't be long before it will be hard for me to convince myself to work on our M.
On Wed night, I pick the boys up from school and I noticed they did not have their lunch boxes with them, and W had said she was going to make them their lunches, so they don't have to eat in the cafeteria. But without their lunch boxes, I couldn't do that. So I thought: "Crap! Now I'm gonna have to call her to see where the lunch boxes are...". Turned out no need to do that, she called to ask how their day at school went, then told me about review time at her work and she's worried about her job. Call gets dropped, she calls back to talk some more. Yesterday, she msgd me that she got her speeding ticket dismissed.
I'm just trying to remain as distant as I can without being rude.
Sam, you're doing a great job of pulling way back.
She was at ease, but you allowed it, by being your nice, wonderful self. Nice shock value in the 90 minute convo!! That was really courageous considering how much I know you want your M to succeed. Be proud!!
Maybe even cut her off a bit more when she starts w/the "dailies..?" (Worried about job, speeding tickets, etc...)
You're an excellent man, husband and father. Let her realize it. StepS13 is leaving, huh? I know you'll miss him, too. Hope all goes okay for him. It sounds like he's not going back to an ideal situation either.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
On Sat I got a bunch of friends over to help build my deck in the backyard. W shows up while I was done grilling for everybody at night. Boys want to stay at the party, but W wants to leave. I thought, this is what you are walking away from....
Sun, I went sailing and had 3 texts, a voice mail and 2 missed calls by the time I checked my phone. W's mom was in the hospital and W asked me to get the boys at her brother's, so I did. She thanked me several times and called several times to update me on her mom's condition.
Just this afternoon, she calls me to tell me the boys got in trouble at school, so we discussed what to do about that, then she goes on and talks about her mom and other stuff also.
Am I pulling back enough? Should I just stay this course for a little and see how things go?
I am struggling with the idea of just asking her if she's seen the attorney or not (she said she made an appt, but I am pretty sure she either didn't have one or didn't go). And if she asks why I am pushing that, I can tell her that I've found out that she's spending quite a bit of time with this other guy, texting him a lot and that I am done with things if that continues. And that I don't care to know what they are or are not doing, I made a lot of effort over the past year and a half to reconnect and she made no effort whatsoever. I still want her to make the step to file if she's done, I'm not going to be the one to start that. But at the same time, I don't want it to continue like this either.
The other option I was debating is to slowly start splitting stuff up that we still share. Get her name off the phone bill, split the cellphone bill, and split the car insurance. Just to maintain the momentum of moving on.
This morning, W sends me an email with a picture of me and one of the boys in it from a few years back. "Look how much you have changed!" it said in it.
What is that supposed to be for? I haven't responded. Wouldn't even know what to respond anyways. But why do I feel like a jerk for not responding??
Yes, that was me. She said that last week on Monday. Apprently, she's doing a lot of going though old pics. She's posting a bunch on the alt. None of me of course, but mostly of the boys. But she does run into pics of "us" of course when she's doing that.
I do look kind of awful in that pic... I probably lost 40lbs since then! But it still did not need a response I don't think.
pearl, Thanks for the vote! With her self-esteem issues, I am a little reluctant to go in both guns blazing, even though that's what I feel like doing when I hear stuff about OM (guy from the hospital: still no evidence other than that they "hang out", but I am gonna refer to him as OM from now on). Keep moving into the direction of a D seems like it has changed things a bit, so I'll keep doing that.
