Antlers, I think you did great not taking the bait. You aren't playing the control game with her anymore, stay consistent. I love the shoes. I have a pair of hi-top red Chuck Taylor All-Stars from college. I still wear them to gigs.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Antlers, I think you did great not taking the bait. You aren't playing the control game with her anymore, stay consistent. I love the shoes. I have a pair of hi-top red Chuck Taylor All-Stars from college. I still wear them to gigs.
Cheers
Will do! Thanks Coach!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Wow, that's a pretty brutal message for her to send. She's still working through her anger.
You're doing great, and you've obviously gone through a serious change of attitude regarding your W, your M, and life in general. I do wonder though if you do eventually get on better ground with your W, will you slide back somewhat? Your W will be looking for that old behavior with a microscope! There must have been reasons inside yourself as to why you acted like you did, and although you now see how destructive it was, has it truly been erradicated from you? You've consistently said she's right to be angry at you, and you've never claimed she is rewriting history. I guess what I'm asking is whether you've considered IC to dig deep into why you acted like you did. I'd hate for you to go through all this, manage to get your W to give you another chance, just to be sabotaged by some old demons inside yourself. It probably wouldn't take much at all to scare her away again, probably for good. Just a thought.
I spent considerable time in IC back a few years ago, and it really helped me to shed a lot of worthless baggage from my past that was preventing me from being the person I wanted to be. Unfortunately, it was too late to stop my W from going down the path she was on...
Wow, that's a pretty brutal message for her to send. She's still working through her anger.
You're doing great, and you've obviously gone through a serious change of attitude regarding your W, your M, and life in general. I do wonder though if you do eventually get on better ground with your W, will you slide back somewhat? Your W will be looking for that old behavior with a microscope! There must have been reasons inside yourself as to why you acted like you did, and although you now see how destructive it was, has it truly been erradicated from you? You've consistently said she's right to be angry at you, and you've never claimed she is rewriting history. I guess what I'm asking is whether you've considered IC to dig deep into why you acted like you did. I'd hate for you to go through all this, manage to get your W to give you another chance, just to be sabotaged by some old demons inside yourself. It probably wouldn't take much at all to scare her away again, probably for good. Just a thought.
I spent considerable time in IC back a few years ago, and it really helped me to shed a lot of worthless baggage from my past that was preventing me from being the person I wanted to be. Unfortunately, it was too late to stop my W from going down the path she was on...
I've been going to counseling for months. It's helped. The reasons I acted like I did were due to insecurities that I had, that had nothing to do with her. Feelings of being inadequate, unloveable, and powerless. They make you angry, and unfortunately, I vented those feelings at my wife in the form of anger, resentment, and abuse (verbal and emotional). Yeah, it's been truly erradicated. But it's something that I'm gonna continue to work on as long as I live. I understand so much more now, and I know so much more now.
I've learned that all forms of abuse have in common a failure of compassion. Anger, resentment, and abuse (emotional and verbal in my case)are failures of compassion. So, I've been working a lot, and I mean putting forth a real effort, towards being a compassionate man. I've learned that compassion is the lifeblood of families, and failure of compassion is the 'heart disease' of a family's emotional life.
If I get another chance with her, I now know how to develop a loving relationship. Whether or not I get that chance...I'm still a better man, a better father, and a better partner than ever.
How ya' doin', man?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
What kind of world is this if a kid can't wear bright color tennies with decorations? Chuck Taylors are as American as jeans and rock n roll. Please!
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I want to go to Wichita Falls on the weekend of August 29th and ride in the Hotter Than Hell 100. Problem is...it's my weekend to have the kids. I'd like to ask her to watch them that weekend, so I can go and do this ride.
Could you folks help me to come up with an E-mail that I could send her, asking her this, and at the same time...do it in a way that is 'appropriate' for our situation?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
'Hi W, I would like see if I can swap weekends with you for X and X, as long as you don't already have plans. Thanks, and let me know when you can'.
I wouldn't tell her what's going on unless she asks. If she does, keep it short and sweet. 'There's a bike race I'd like to race in, but if it doesn't work for you that's okay'. Don't indicate that you really want to do this, or she may fight you on it just to be difficult.
"Hi wife, I would like to see if you can watch son and daughter on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (August 28, 29, and 30), as long as you don't already have plans. Thanks, and let me know when you can."
This was her response...
"First of all I don't "watch" my kids...they stay with me. And second of all that's the weekend we are going on our cruise. We will not be home until Monday. Sorry."
She's going on a cruise with her parents. Perhaps 'watch' wasn't a good word to use, but I didn't mean anything by it, and I believe she knew that. I really want to go on this ride, and I believe that I'll let the kiddos stay with my parents that weekend so that I can go!
I haven't responded to her E-mail...don't know that I should. She knew what I meant.
Comments?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
