This someone was not avaliable, I may have depicted it differently.
I suppose I took it the wrong way, is why I reacted the way I did. It was a big discussion a while back on the board about whether LBS should "date" or (appear to date) or not. In my list of "Do's & Don'ts for the LBS, I use to have that as one of the don'ts. That is my personal opinion and everyone can do accordingly to their own. I feel that a LBS has suffered a great blow to their ego and it doesn't take much flirting with the opposite sex before they find themselves in a very vulnerable situation. Like in the case you described...your ego was boosted b/c of the way that woman was talking and responding to you, right? You said yourself that she was not available, (which I don't believe you said at the time of that first post about it), but what if both of you had continued to drink, dance, flirt, talk and respond to each other's advances, feelings, and needs? Things could have been carried farther than they should have and then you would have had much greater problems on your hands. It was very normal to feel like you did after being treated by your WAW like you have.
As I said, I have seen this same story played out in other LBH's threads and it upsets me to see post after post after post of them crying and whining over the "whys & hows" of their WAW and then the very first time they go out and party...they come back to the board talking that exact same language you were speaking! That is why it ticked me off.
Yes, I do believe a man should GAL, (but not necessarily the "party life")...and until you have decided that your M is over and you will NOT stay in the R ...then I don't think it is appropriate to act like a single man. Maybe by your standards you weren't acting like a single person and I realize there are a lot of M people who do as you did, but I personally do not think it's appropriate....nevertheless. It seems like it took very little of that woman's efforts to cause you to start having second thoughts and it made me wonder if "any" woman could have had the same effects on you. I suspect almost any female would probably have been able to have her way with you, if she wanted to. That's not to say that you normally would not be particular in choosing women, but my point is the condition/state that you are in at this time.
So anyway, I've expressed my feelings about it and it's your business as to how you live. I am here to try to support you and give suggestions as best I can.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Yes, I do believe a man should GAL, (but not necessarily the "party life")...and until you have decided that your M is over and you will NOT stay in the R ...then I don't think it is appropriate to act like a single man.
You have no idea how close I was a short while ago Sandi/brave. The "urge" to contact one person (from WAY before I met my W - wanna clear that up right away!) was nearly irresistible. Something stopped me. The "urge" buggered off and I'm so pleased it did! And I believe I became a much better and stronger man for it.
There is no doubt in my mind that the "attraction" of someone showing the poor sap (not a rude word is it Mr Moderator?) that has been dumped ANY sort of attention is very alluring. An ego boost just when we need it.
But knee-jerk reactions (of whatever kind ) would be a bad BAD thing to happen.
Another for the 24 hour (and 24 hour cold shower) list.
I'm back now and maybe I won't be such a bear for a day or two....
A little MaMa bear never hurt anyone.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
