went on my first date last week and had a great time. also had coffee with another woman who seems to send signals that she's interested in getting to know me better. Boy am I rusty at this, though! Even so, I did pretty good. Only weird thing was how easy it was to fall into "couple" patterns even though I was on a first date. Has anyone else experienced that?
am getting ready to head out to black rock city for a week of fun under the sun. boy will i be a lot more relaxed this year! Last year I was facing a meeting with D judge 2 weeks after I got back.
still find myself asking "why wouldn't XW even make an attempt to work on M" but that's a hopeless road. It's just too strange to me that she wanted to end the R so badly but now is trying hard to maintain a connection. when I'm done, I'm usually done.
Here's another article for your opinion. A friend sent it and I guess it was good for me to read. I like being validated (as you all know) that I wasn't a fool for trying to save M. I know this woman's experience won't be the same for all people, but I do wonder if my XW will ever regret her actions or if she is in all ways happier now. Personally, I've become happier for myself, but my life is also so different from where I imagined it'd be heading. I can't say I would have chosen the directions I felt forced into by the D. Still sorting out the aftermath, I guess. Anyway, here's the article:
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Look at you!! I am so proud of you. I haven't done the dating thing, mostly because I seem to attract men in their 60's going through MLC!!
I think you are going to have to let the questions you have regarding your ex go. Just know that you did what you could and more than a lot of people would have even tried. The best you can do is get back on track and live an exceptional life.
I will read the article later and give you my thoughts.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
oh, i've pretty much let the questions go. whenever i have moments of self-doubt, though, they seem to come back, like a nasty little voice in my head saying "ex was happy to get away from you." That and the fact that it always surprises me when she asks if I want to do something with her. I'm friendly, but don't see the point in trying to be friends. we have no kids and I doubt any future girlfriends would be all that thrilled if i hung out with my ex.
Thanks for the article. Good read. And the reader comments below are good too.
I'm thinking with time our view changes. WAS think D will be the answer to their problems, make them pretty much instantly happy. My X was saying at the time of the separation he's going to have more money; I'll find someone better, the kids will be happier. I, on the other hand, thought life was pretty much over, I'd never be happy again, I couldn't live without him. I think with some time and perspective maybe everybody reaches a more moderate view than they start out with?
Maybe those thoughts have reversed a tad, though I doubt ex's would ever admit them changing. I am happier now partly because I don't have someone constantly saying "It sounds like you really hate your job" or something else along those lines.
I certainly don't want to share holidays with ex in my company so perhaps this is the difference caused by the reasons behind the divorce in the first place. Everyone is unique and I am sure the methods of balancing out your life with someone new will be unique too. I say let everyone come to our house on this day and go to the other parents on this!
Maybe I am babbling, but hopefully you get the idea.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I've learned, and am still reminding myself daily, that trying to figure out what went and currently is going throught the head of your ex is a futile and maddning waste of time.
I just live by, it is what it is and no longer my position to wonder 'what if'.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
have added to the leopard-wear with a leopard fedora and leopard shorts. But the true find was a 1950s airbrushed sexy girl poker shirt! I'm wearing it with gold lame stretch pants. I think that will make me well-nigh irresistible. Also found a purple velvet frilly disco shirt to go out dancing in.
After my 40th, i realized that no one really wants to see the birthday suit again ...
