My question of whether or not to respond pertained specifically to the "watch the kids" part of our discourse, and how it rubbed her the wrong way. I wondered if I should address that, specifically, and let her know that I didn't mean it the way she took it...or if I should just leave it be.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
That's what I was referring to also. Fine, she took offense at your choice of words. Big deal. Move on. Next time say something different. Nothing wrong with your words. In fact, it is important to actually "watch" kids. But so be it. She probably would have criticized any words you chose. Water off a duck's back.
When you allow yourself to be sucked into petty arguments about semantics, nobody wins. This way, at least it's just her being petty, not both of you.
Apparently, right now at least, she *will* misunderstand you and attribute poor motive to you. You cannot control that at all, especially not by arguing with her about it (you would perceive yourself as "explaining", not "arguing", but I doubt she would see it that way.) Let it go.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
That's what I was referring to also. Fine, she took offense at your choice of words. Big deal. Move on. Next time say something different. Nothing wrong with your words. In fact, it is important to actually "watch" kids. But so be it. She probably would have criticized any words you chose. Water off a duck's back.
Thank You Sara! You are 'spot on'! She's still got a ton of anger towards me. Sometimes, she softens up, just a bit...then, it's back to being cold and hard and giving me the cold shoulder.
ps - I'm gonna let the kiddos grandparents keep them that weekend, and I'm going to Wichita Falls to do the Hotter 'N' Hell 100...it's a 100 mile bicycle ride. It's gonna be a big challenge for me...and I'm up for it!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
When you allow yourself to be sucked into petty arguments about semantics, nobody wins. This way, at least it's just her being petty, not both of you.
Apparently, right now at least, she *will* misunderstand you and attribute poor motive to you. You cannot control that at all, especially not by arguing with her about it (you would perceive yourself as "explaining", not "arguing", but I doubt she would see it that way.) Let it go.
I agree with Sara too!
I usually let her nastygrams roll off me like water off a duck's back, and I haven't been getting sucked into arguments about anything...period. I've tried to stay very consistent, and I've been getting it done.
Yep, she's still pissed at me...big time! I've been doing what you're advising me to do here, and it's good advice...and I'll continue to do it. I agree with ya' 100%.
Thanks.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I would wait a bit to respond and simply say "Thanks for reminding me about your cruise plans. I've already made arrangements for the children to visit with their grandparents that weekend. Have a great day and have a blast on your cruise!"
Ignore her hostile respones (as you have been doing). She is the one that lives with all that anger and it only makes her life more difficult. Her choice, just done indulge with her (I know you are not!).
IMO a big part of her anger is the changes you have made and the fact that you are out and about doing things. Tough. Its all for you. She can embrace it, be indifferent or be nasty. She is choosing nasty and really, it only adds tremendous weight to her emotional well being and its all by her own choosing.
I would wait a bit to respond and simply say "Thanks for reminding me about your cruise plans. I've already made arrangements for the children to visit with their grandparents that weekend. Have a great day and have a blast on your cruise!"
Ignore her hostile respones (as you have been doing). She is the one that lives with all that anger and it only makes her life more difficult. Her choice, just done indulge with her (I know you are not!).
IMO a big part of her anger is the changes you have made and the fact that you are out and about doing things. Tough. Its all for you. She can embrace it, be indifferent or be nasty. She is choosing nasty and really, it only adds tremendous weight to her emotional well being and its all by her own choosing.
Outstanding! I'll do just that! Thanks, CityGirl!
I agree wholeheartedly with everything in your post! Thanks!
ps - how ya' been? Hangin' in there?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
"Wife, Thanks for reminding me about your cruise plans. I've already made arrangements for the kids to visit with their grandparents that weekend. Have a great day tomorrow, and have a blast on your cruise!
antlers"
Thanks again, CityGirl!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Hey Antlers. Been a while. I'm really glad to see the positive developments you have made since I last checked in. I can tell that you are in the heat of it with your w. right now and you are handling it like a pro. Stay strong and give yourself a little pat on the back when nobody is looking.
