Hey Antlers. Been a while. I'm really glad to see the positive developments you have made since I last checked in. I can tell that you are in the heat of it with your w. right now and you are handling it like a pro. Stay strong and give yourself a little pat on the back when nobody is looking.
Hi clueless!
Good to hear from you. I appreciate the 'attaboys'! I've been working hard on myself. Yep, you are right, seems like I am in the 'heat' of it with my wife right now. Man, her anger comes out like a striking rattler...that quick and unexpectedly. I do intend to stay strong, and I appreciate you checking in.
How are you?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
She let me know yesterday that she had "quite a bit going on right now." She's busy at work, and the little kids have registration for school this week. She'll take off work and take them to registration on two consecutive days. I'm off, and the kids are with me during this time. I sent her a text last night that said...
"If you need help over the next two days with their registrations, let me know. Have a good day at work tomorrow."
This morning I took a great 30 mile bicycle ride. When I got back, she had sent me this message...
"First of all I have done registration by myself for the past 16 years so I think I can handle it by myself this year. Second of all don't think for a second you are going to take over my duties as their mother or try to make me look and feel as if I'm incapable of being there. You tried last year around Christmas and just about destroyed me and I will never let you do that to me or them ever again. You tried to take them away from me emotionally being your usual and continuing manipulative self. You have done so much damage to me, them, and our (the kids and my) relationship that it is irreparable. Do not respond to this text as I do not want to hear anymore of your 'I'm sorrys'."
Wow! The end of last November is when I decided to start making some positive changes in myself. It's also when I really started noticing some negative changes in her. I started to help out more around the house with chores and such, I started showing more of an interest in the kids and their activities, and I started being nicer to her...all of which she took offense at! She laid on the couch the entire month of December when she wasn't working...and if I hadn't done the Christmas shopping for the kids...they wouldn't have gotten anything! She didn't go...but she was pissed at me for going! She actually accused me, several times, of trying to take over her job as their mother! I was just trying to be something that I hadn't been all along...compassionate and caring and helpful and interested!
Anyway, there is some mind-reading going on in her response to me, and I need some help with a response...correcting her on that! I would appreciate some help from anybody here on this board, anybody, especially from the like of Coach, Gucci, Greek, Sandi, CityGirl, AAK, 25, etc. This board and the people here have been super supportive and helpful to me all along...and I know I can count on that continuing. Thanks.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
"First of all I have done registration by myself for the past 16 years so I think I can handle it by myself this year. Second of all don't think for a second you are going to take over my duties as their mother or try to make me look and feel as if I'm incapable of being there. You tried last year around Christmas and just about destroyed me and I will never let you do that to me or them ever again. You tried to take them away from me emotionally being your usual and continuing manipulative self. You have done so much damage to me, them, and our (the kids and my) relationship that it is irreparable. Do not respond to this text as I do not want to hear anymore of your 'I'm sorrys'."
Don't respond. She's dying to lay into you. Coach thought bubble... "Don't take the bait Antlers, don't take the bait" She's miserable and is trying to blame you. Antlers does not roll like this anymore. You think she is doing some mind-reading????????? Be patient and watch what happens.
"Patience is the companion of wisdom." - St Augustine
Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Example from my side: Early in the summer - school may not have been out yet, H broached the topic of me moving back to his town and enrolling the kidlet in his old school there. I agreed and suggested he get kidlet registered as that way we'd have the flexibility for kidlet to attend either school.
H has taken no action on the school reg, the personnel are now out for their August break and won't return til a few days before the session starts. The school is impacted, so kidlet may not have a place there.
Not my fault. Not my problem. Kidlet is properly registered at the school where I live and that's all I'm responsible for.
Last edited by Dia; 08/05/0906:07 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
You have been doing this long enough. What do you think the new Antlers should do?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Ask her for a booty call. Kidding. Just sitting here reading your thread. I am impressed you are still riding so much. That is great.
I agree with the others. Just ignore it and keep making those great positive changes. I think they are showing up and she is seeing it and she is more defensive now because she doesn't know if they are lasting and real.
Keep it up. You will win her back. The worst comes before the best.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I haven't read much of your sitch but I think I know everything I need to know about your W just by reading this latest blast from her.
And everyone is right - do not respond. BUT, just in case you do (but you won't) definitely don't say you're sorry, as she's expecting this.
But don't respond.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
She's miserable and is trying to blame you. Antlers does not roll like this anymore. You think she is doing some mind-reading????????? Be patient and watch what happens.