Going straight forward...antlers 5th thread.

[aliveandkicking]

She's pissed that all of your positive changes occurred subsequent to her detaching and deciding she was done with you.

That's my foray into mind-reading. I experience it myself with ex, though in my sitch, it is he who left so having him act like Mr. Considerate Perfect Guy annoys the sh*t out of me, especially since the repercussions of his actions are ongoing so it seems like "hey, don't pay attention to me scr*wing you this way cuz I'm being a champ over here in this other area."

Anyway, that is not your sitch, right? She initiated this. Her resentment that you seem to be delivering more of what she wanted before is her problem. What option do you have?

Learn how to not answer. Just keep doing you're thing. You're not going to drive her away (you've accepted she's gone, riiight?), you're being a better you and over time if she refuses to accept your behavior as authentic, that would be her problem, right?

I'm pretty much off the boards these days but I saw you asked for my input among others so I'm giving it.

[clueless]

Yeah I think it was Freud, "The silence is yours also." Keep it quiet my friend. Shhhh

[mac-ct]

Keep it up. You will win her back. The worst comes before the best.

Kev - hope everyone keeps this in mind.

Thanks for sticking it in our faces

Cheers

Mac

[antlers]

"First of all I have done registration by myself for the past 16 years so I think I can handle it by myself this year. Second of all don't think for a second you are going to take over my duties as their mother or try to make me look and feel as if I'm incapable of being there. You tried last year around Christmas and just about destroyed me and I will never let you do that to me or them ever again. You tried to take them away from me emotionally being your usual and continuing manipulative self. You have done so much damage to me, them, and our (the kids and my) relationship that it is irreparable. Do not respond to this text as I do not want to hear anymore of your 'I'm sorrys'."

Don't respond. She's dying to lay into you. Coach thought bubble... "Don't take the bait Antlers, don't take the bait" She's miserable and is trying to blame you. Antlers does not roll like this anymore. You think she is doing some mind-reading????????? Be patient and watch what happens.

"Patience is the companion of wisdom." - St Augustine


Cheers
Coach

OK, I won't. I haven't been taking the bait, and I don't intend to start now. Yeah...I think she's doing some mind-reading, and it's that part that I find hard to leave alone!

Thanks Coach!

ps - yeah...patience...a wise man once said 'in your patience possess ye your souls'!

[antlers]

Agreed. Do not respond. At all. Nothing.

Just get your PMA on and go about your business.

Example from my side: Early in the summer - school may not have been out yet, H broached the topic of me moving back to his town and enrolling the kidlet in his old school there. I agreed and suggested he get kidlet registered as that way we'd have the flexibility for kidlet to attend either school.

H has taken no action on the school reg, the personnel are now out for their August break and won't return til a few days before the session starts. The school is impacted, so kidlet may not have a place there.

Not my fault. Not my problem. Kidlet is properly registered at the school where I live and that's all I'm responsible for.

Hi Dia.

I won't respond. It's just hard to leave the mind-reading she's doing alone! I'm doin' OK, especially under the circumstances. I appreciate your input.

[antlers]

You have been doing this long enough. What do you think the new Antlers should do?

Yeah...I've been doing this for a good while now. The new antlers should continue doing what he has been doing...DB'n like a mutha. And continue to be compassionate, and keep doing 'the work'.

Thanks Coach.

[antlers]

Any other thoughts, yeah, do not respond, oh that one's been taken sorry.

Let her be miserable, she will eventually look within herself to fix her misery and stop blaming you for it, when that will be, I do not know.

Burt

Hi dburt.

How are ya' doing'?

I'm not gonna respond. I so much would like for her to heal. And I'd like forgiveness from her, for herself as much as for me! She's hurting, and she's pissed...still! Big time!

[antlers]

What they said, Antlers.

Thanks kara...I agree! Are you doin' OK?

[antlers]

Ask her for a booty call. Kidding. Just sitting here reading your thread. I am impressed you are still riding so much. That is great.

I agree with the others. Just ignore it and keep making those great positive changes. I think they are showing up and she is seeing it and she is more defensive now because she doesn't know if they are lasting and real.

Keep it up. You will win her back. The worst comes before the best.

Kevin

Check out the sense of humor on Kevin! That's good, man!
I'm riding a lot. It's so good for me in so many ways.

I'm gonna keep on doin' the work. The positive changes are lasting and they are real; maybe she'll realize it and give me a chance...or maybe not. But...I'm a better antlers now, all the way around, than I've ever been...and I'll continue with that...no matter what!

I truly hope you're right about this (your last sentence) Kevin. I do believe the worst comes before the best. Whether or not I'll win her back remains to be seen. Either way...I will keep it up!

You hang in there too! And thanks!

[antlers]

Hi Antlers,

I haven't read much of your sitch but I think I know everything I need to know about your W just by reading this latest blast from her.

And everyone is right - do not respond. BUT, just in case you do (but you won't) definitely don't say you're sorry, as she's expecting this.

But don't respond.

Hi Silver Fox.

Thanks for responding. Your advice seems to be the concensus around here, and I believe it's the best advice, and I'll heed it!