Going straight forward...antlers 5th thread.

[antlers]

Excellent note.

Thank You O-dog.

[antlers]

Incidentally...just did a 100K bicycle ride this morning, for charity, and I felt really strong during my ride. I'm ready for the Hotter N Hell 100 coming up in Wichita Falls later on this month!

[orangedog]

Yeah!

[antlers]

She was hateful and rude at son's kickball game on Thursday evening. The kids were there, lots of people were there, and I let it go.

Later that evening, I sent her the following E-mail...

"Wife,
You have made it clear to me how you feel. I have listened, and agreed,
with how I treated you. Now, I'd like to let you know how I feel.

I've done a good job of turning around. I meant business! I truly
understand what I did, and I have deep sorrow.

I'm remorseful. I've shown you that I am sorry and have taken the blame
for the way I treated you and that I understand your feelings and anger and
disgust.

However, your way of talking and communicating to me is often
disrespectful. It is no better for you to talk to me this way than it was when
I was doing it to you. We both know that I was wrong in the past; and I can't
defend or make excuses about my past behavior. I'd like to establish a two way
level of respect.

If you shouldn't have had to take me talking to you that way (and you
shouldn't), then I shouldn't have to take it from you either (and I shouldn't).
I believe you know this to be true.

You've made it clear to me, as far as our future goes, that it's over and
you're done! I accept that. Acceptance is not agreement. I accept that it is
your choice. It is not the choice that I would have made.

Regardless, I care for you deeply, and I love our three children with every
ounce of life that is in me.

Sincerily,

Antlers"


I meant what I said, and I said what I felt. I tried to walk that line that I mentioned earlier...setting boundries, and at the same time...doing it with love and compassion. I felt better after I'd sent it. It's a change from how I've been so far.

I got these change of address notifications from the USPS on Friday saying that someone had requested that my little kids mail be forwarded from our address to a different address...first I knew of it! So, I sent her the following text...

"You should have let me know about the change of address requests you put in for our little kids, ahead of time, instead of me finding out by being notified by the USPS. It was inconsiderate."

She texted this back...

"You're full of [censored]."

My response was this...

"You're angry with me and I understand that. However, when we communicate, you should do so in a manner that is respectful and civil, as I do with you. There is no place for being ugly and showing zero respect."

During the time that I was texting her the above, she sent this message...

"What the crap are you talking about."

So, I responded...

"I got notices from the USPS today saying they received forms asking them to forward mail for son and daughter from the address here to another address."

During the time that I was writing that, she sent this...

"Just like you to turn it around and blame someone else and to take the focus off of the issue at hand. You've done it since I've known you and you will be that way as long as you live. It's who you are...manipulative."

I responded, simply, with this...

"You know as well as I do that's not accurate. My intentions are good."


Didn't hear anything else from her about it after that.

[Coach]

"Just like you to turn it around and blame someone else and to take the focus off of the issue at hand. You've done it since I've known you and you will be that way as long as you live. It's who you are...manipulative."

I responded, simply, with this...

"You know as well as I do that's not accurate. My intentions are good."

Really listen and respond.

"I am neither blaming or manipulating those are your words. The issue at hand is how you speak to me in person and via txt. You do not know how I am going to be for the rest of my life, I am in charge of that. When you communicate to me in a way that is disrespectful I will let you know you are over the line with me. If you have a issue with me please let's discuss it but using profanity, mind-reading and accusing me of things I am not doing will not be tolerated. I am all open to discussing currrent topics in a mature manner."
Put this is Antler speak.

Don't tell her what "she knows," now you are mind reading. just state facts, repeat her words back to her if you get lost.

Cheers

[antlers]

"Just like you to turn it around and blame someone else and to take the focus off of the issue at hand. You've done it since I've known you and you will be that way as long as you live. It's who you are...manipulative."

I responded, simply, with this...

"You know as well as I do that's not accurate. My intentions are good."

Really listen and respond.

"I am neither blaming or manipulating those are your words. The issue at hand is how you speak to me in person and via txt. You do not know how I am going to be for the rest of my life, I am in charge of that. When you communicate to me in a way that is disrespectful I will let you know you are over the line with me. If you have a issue with me please let's discuss it but using profanity, mind-reading and accusing me of things I am not doing will not be tolerated. I am all open to discussing currrent topics in a mature manner."
Put this is Antler speak.

Don't tell her what "she knows," now you are mind reading. just state facts, repeat her words back to her if you get lost.

Cheers

Thanks Coach! I see what you mean! Don't tell her what she knows...no mind-reading, from either side!

She owes me some money for some insurance payments that were sent out to pay for some health care and she told me to just "pay the freakin" bill and she would pay me back. I told her I didn't feel comfortable paying a bill that the insurance company had already sent payments out on (she mistakenly cashed the checks and used them, thinking they were for overpayments on things she had going on). Anyway, she texted me...

"Oh, I see...you don't trust that I'll give you the money."


I'm workin' on a response...I do trust her, and I want her to know that I trust her. So...any help you could give me here?

[Coach]

"Oh, I see...you don't trust that I'll give you the money."

OK wife can I going to show you what I mean about mind-reading. You are telling me I don't trust you, I did not say that, think it, feel it or did I imagine that I don't trust you. When you think for me then your mind is already made up about me and I had no input. If you want to know what I think, feel or believe then just ask. I understand that in the past I might not have shared with you but now I am open to your questions."

I would send the bill to her a let her pay it if she is responsible for it. Let her pay the "freakin" bill.

Be prepared for more pushback from your wife. Just stay calm, consistent and composed.

Cheers

[antlers]

"Oh, I see...you don't trust that I'll give you the money."

OK wife can I going to show you what I mean about mind-reading. You are telling me I don't trust you, I did not say that, think it, feel it or did I imagine that I don't trust you. When you think for me then your mind is already made up about me and I had no input. If you want to know what I think, feel or believe then just ask. I understand that in the past I might not have shared with you but now I am open to your questions."

I would send the bill to her a let her pay it if she is responsible for it. Let her pay the "freakin" bill.

Be prepared for more pushback from your wife. Just stay calm, consistent and composed.

Cheers

Thanks again, Coach! I sent it! We'll see! She pushes back...HARD! I'm sure there'll be more of it. I intend to keep on doing what I've been doing...staying calm, especially consistent, and composed! Thanks.

[antlers]

"Oh, I see...you don't trust that I'll give you the money."

OK wife can I going to show you what I mean about mind-reading. You are telling me I don't trust you, I did not say that, think it, feel it or did I imagine that I don't trust you. When you think for me then your mind is already made up about me and I had no input. If you want to know what I think, feel or believe then just ask. I understand that in the past I might not have shared with you but now I am open to your questions."

I would send the bill to her a let her pay it if she is responsible for it. Let her pay the "freakin" bill.

Be prepared for more pushback from your wife. Just stay calm, consistent and composed.

Cheers

Thanks again, Coach! I sent it! We'll see! She pushes back...HARD! I'm sure there'll be more of it. I intend to keep on doing what I've been doing...staying calm, especially consistent, and composed! Thanks.

Well, here's the response that came just a few minutes ago...

"Quit talking to me like you're copying a Hallmark card. You do it to oldest daughter as well and we're sick of it. It's doing more damage than good to us but I'm sure you're doing it to make yourself feel better."


Thoughts, input, and/or advice would be appreciated.

[Coach]

" I am only pointing out your behaviour that's disrespectful to me. If our daughter has a problem with me I will discuss it with her. I am not doing anything to make myself feel better, that's you mind reading. Everytime you do it I will point it out. You want me to stop pointing it out then stop mind reading. The choice is yours."

She's testing you.
(geez, I feel like she's testing me )