Well after not hearing from my STBXH since I tore into him April 23rd after finding out he had been cheating on me with my ex bestfriend, he emailed me on Thursday. Needless to say I was not impressed with the email. He attached the last email I had sent him on May 9th. Here is that email and I will follow it with his.
STBXH, It has taken me a while to get to where I am mentally and emotionally right now. I want to sincerely apologize to you for the horrible things I said to you. I could sit here and make excuses and give all kinds of reasons, but I won't be doing that. I am not the person that said those things. That is someone who was blinded by hurt who was lashing out and trying to hurt back. I do not like that I let myself become that person. You did not deserve the words I spoke or the pain I was inflicting by saying them. Please accept my apology for what it is, as it is sincere and heartfelt.
I want to thank you for finding me. I have grown so much in having known you. I can't begin to thank you for being there for me during my surgery and its fallout. Lesser men would have left at the first sign of stress, but you were my rock and I hope you know that.
I know I said that I felt like I had wasted the last three and half years of my life, but I haven't. I wouldn't trade them for the world to be honest. I would however love to be able to go back and do some things differently. Unfortunately that is the past and you can't undo it. You can only learn from it and go forward. Which is what I am doing. I am learning what I need to do to be a better person in my present and future relationships.
I wish you nothing but the best in your life. You deserve happiness. Always, goingtofixME
Then he replied with this to me after 3 months of no contact.
goingtofixME,
I am just making sure that this is still an email address that you check. There are some things that I have been putting off but now my procrastination has caught up with me and being faced with possible deportation has shown me how poorly I have handled this whole situation. I attached the last email that you sent me simply because I want you realize that this is the last I have heard from you, and I have no idea how, if any, your mood and situation have changed. I apologize if this comes at a bad time or strikes a bad chord, but we/I need to figure out how we are going to handle this. If you could write me back I would appreciate it.
P.S.
I do accept your apology. I understand the pain that I caused and I also understand where those words were coming from, and although harsh as they were, I have had time to analyze them and separate the true from the not, and learn from the truth that you spoke. Consider it water under the bridge.
<<STBXH>>
I had decided that I was not going to email back as I really didn’t have anything to say and there was no need to contact him. He ended up catching me on yahoo. And we had the following conversation.
STBXH (8/7/2009 8:55:17 AM): Did you get the email I sent you?
goingtofixME(8/7/2009 9:00:28 AM): Yes, I did.
STBXH (8/7/2009 9:01:20 AM): I'm not really sure what to say
goingtofixME(8/7/2009 9:02:11 AM): Alright
STBXH (8/7/2009 9:03:20 AM): How are you?
goingtofixME(8/7/2009 9:03:42 AM): What is it that you want from me?
STBXH (8/7/2009 9:05:09 AM): Well I'm trying to figure out how to proceed with these government forms. If they aren't completed then I get deported.
goingtofixME(8/7/2009 9:05:29 AM): What does this have to do with me?
STBXH (8/7/2009 9:07:57 AM): I have two avenues to consider. One requires your co-operation and is easier, and the other doesn't require so much from you but is fraught with disaster as I've read that only a very small percentage of people are approved that way. I was trying to see what kind of state you were in by trying to talk, in order to determine which path I was going to ask of you. Based on your responses,
STBXH (8/7/2009 9:08:09 AM): I think I will go the second route
STBXH (8/7/2009 9:12:14 AM): I'm sorry to have bothered you. I will write you another email with details of what I need (4 signatures) I truly hope you are doing well.
goingtofixME(8/7/2009 9:13:41 AM): 4 signatures on what?
STBXH (8/7/2009 9:14:00 AM): Divorce paperwork
goingtofixME(8/7/2009 9:16:03 AM): Okay sounds good. You have my address. I'll take them to my attorney and I will get them back to you at my convenience.
STBXH (8/7/2009 9:17:50 AM): Your attorney? Is there anything that I should be preparing for? You're not going to get a fight out of me over anything so I don't see why a lawyer is neccesary. (I'm not angry here, just want to know what's going on)
goingtofixME(8/7/2009 9:19:47 AM): Just wanting to dot the i's and cross the t's. This isn't something I feel that I should be doing on my own. I've never gotten divorced before.
STBXH (8/7/2009 9:20:51 AM): Fair enough. I have to get the papers revised so it will likely be a week or so. (Well, unless you're planning on keeping my name which I doubt)
goingtofixME(8/7/2009 9:22:39 AM): Yes, it's best if you revise them. I have already started using my maiden name.
STBXH (8/7/2009 9:23:16 AM): Will do. I hope we can both be civilized adults through this. I appreciate you talking to me and not just ignoring me. It means a lot.
STBXH (8/7/2009 9:23:35 AM): (That came out badly... I hope you got my point)
STBXH (8/7/2009 9:28:25 AM): I'm signing off now. Thank you again for being co-operative.
goingtofixME(8/7/2009 9:32:12 AM): I'll be looking for the paperwork. Please include my son's games and the money you owe me for your phone bill and your credit card payment from March and part of April.
Needless to say it is very obvious that my STBXH wanted me to play nice and stay married in order for him to have an easier time getting his green card. Isn’t that just the sweetest thing? I’m now awaiting my divorce papers, but thought I would update everyone. Feel free to tell me what you take from the conversation and email.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
After attempting on two separate occasions to get him to send me the divorce paperwork he said he had, the money for outstanding bills I paid for him, and my son's Halo games, I received a padded envelope with all of the above. A pen was included to aid in me signing the papers. It appears that my STBXH enlisted the aid of the attorneys Google and the Internet to procure the pink smeared "uncontested" divorce papers he sent me. He misspelled my middle name and put down the wrong date for when he left. I am shocked that I honestly thought he would take this any more serious than anything else in our relationship. I will be making an appointment with an attorney to get this straightened out. I will not be taking on the majority of the credit card debt that we racked up while married even if it is in my name.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
